Hey everyone I wanna start off by saying I'm sorry for coming here to rant. But unfortunately at the moment I'm kind of in a lonely place. I recently been having a rough time (I've been diagnosed with aspergers.) so my social abilities are hindered. I do currently have a therapist she is licensed and experienced with transgendered people.

But here's the main part of my hurt and rant. I tried to talk to my grandmother about being trans and she basically betrayed me then proceeded to blame me for everything. She also said I would be the death of my mother (she had a major stroke and 9 mini stroke long ago.) I'm having troubles getting a job due to fear of people being similar to her and the more I read about aspergers the more I could understand why I was diagnosed with it.

Currently I literally have one friend currently and I'm unable to contact him currently. I searched for a transgender support group and found one. But it's in a very dangerous area and is about 2 hours away. My grandmother banned me from using the car currently so I'm unable to get there. I tried to reach out on their Facebook group but they don't talk on it much. At this point I don't even feel like I could function in every day life. I'm constantly reminded of my documentation saying male instead of female. (The wonderful state on TN.) Everytime I've tried to get freedom in anyway I ended up suffering for it. Again I am sorry for this rant.

welcome

Thanks, currently I'm getting ready for college (I hate going.) and I'm debating if I wanna go to thanksgiving those people make me feel horrible. I'm to the point I just don't know anymore. Usually the feeling passes after sleep but this time it didn't.

Hi skylar,
No one in the whole of eternity has the right to blame you for anything like that. Anyone who does is delusional. Your grandmother is transferring her woes to anyone she can so that she doesn't have to deal with life.

You are a fine young person who has the right to be you. There is no guilt that you should carry.

Welcome to Susan's honey, you are family here.

Hugs

Cindy

Thanks for the kind words. Everything's just starting to feel hopeless again. Every day that goes by is increasing my social problems and unfortunate I'm only surrounded by ignorant people. I'm actually starting to develop a fear of people. I don't like going around people (even my bank) due to the fear of the wrong pronoun being used. I kept trying to get in contact with the closest transgender group and I am still unable to get them to talk. I'm still running out of ideas. I'm definitely not going to visit my family for thanksgiving I can't handle the pain of them.

And as for my grandmother I can't even look at her anymore. She's also been trying to bribe me with stuff to try and get me to talk to her. Such as beats headphones, and hair dye (she seriously said that she would let me dye my hair whatever color even pink or purple.) I immediately went to my room still ignoring her as I can't handle her anymore. I've been crying off and on for the last 3 days, and I even left school early due to the breakdowns. But honestly school and home are about equally as bad. I also left my church due to ignorance it feels as if I'm unable to have a social life. I mean being trans and having aspergers is not a good combo. :/

Quote from: Skylar105 on November 26, 2014, 06:09:06 AM
Thanks, currently I'm getting ready for college (I hate going.)

I'm guess that means you're around age 18.

You're probably also running into the attitude that you aren't compos mentis until you're 25 (or maybe 65) and you should just let Wise Older Heads tell you what to do, think, and be.  (It was 40+ years ago for me, and it still irritates me.)  Can't do much for  you but to agree it sucks.

FWIW, for me, one of the biggest benefits to going to college (in NJ)  was that I got away from my space-alien family and my ante-bellum town and moved up to the 20th century.  I now live in the NYC area, and would rather die than move back to the mid-19th century Southern town I grew up in.

And, yes, Aspergers makes it a lot harder, especially to accommodate other people (which the young are expected to do.)  I have a son diagnosed with AS at age 4.  We've spent a lot of time wrestling with unaccommodating adults.  You need people in your life who can put their own emotions and preconceptions and unconscious expectations aside to understand you and help you learn to deal with yourself and the world.  It sounds like you trust your therapist; if so, that's at least one such person in your life.

The problem with my college is that they are local. So I have to stay at home to come as it's a technical college. I wouldn't say I trust the therapist I pay her to help. (Which I have enough resources to afford it for a while longer.) everyone I have ever trusted completely has abandoned me. I am unable to suppress these things as others have before me. It just usually pushes me off of the edge. I'm currently 19 and the people I can connect with are all religious as it's a southern town unfortunately. The ABC thinking method worked for a short time but I can't stop thinking negatively because there isn't any positive here.

Constant yelling by my family, constantly surrounded by hateful people and I've basically gotten to the point of I just can't deal with anyone or anything anymore. I am unable to ever get a break from the pain it just never stops unless I'm alone. Unfortunately I never get to be alone. The people I want to be friends with are out of reach. I really want to live but I don't have any control of my life. I've dealt with a lot of bad employers which pushed me further into my shell.