Hi All,
Just another rant I need to let go. I feel like I'm a little self distractive at the moment.
I spend every waking moment of every day, making sure I'm not thinking about my gender issues, because I know as soon as I do I start to get confused and I'm not that sure how to deal with it. I'm trying to not transition, I really am! But I think it's going to be the only way in the end.
The reason I think I'm self destructive is I am distracting myself 24/7 for example:
Making big unnecessary purchases
Binge Eating
Getting way to engaged in online games
Falling asleep during the day
Looking forward to work, because I know my mind will be else wear
Masturbating (Gross, but for some reason it makes me forget about my genders issues for 10-15min or so)
Right now, I feel like I go through the whole day and don't accomplish one thing.... Why? Because I spend my time doing stupid little things and get no were because I don't want to face reality.
I'm not sure how to feel, I'm not depressed or anything, but I am getting less and less patient...
I feel stuck, frustrated and kind of scared.
One thing that makes me worried about transition is I'm going to be known as a trans woman sooner or later, I will never just be a woman to other people. As soon as somebody finds out my my history, bam.... labeled...
Sorry again for this rant, I think I'm averaging 1 a month now

Just need to get out what I am feeling.
Any advice as usual is much appreciated.