Quote from: LizMarie on November 23, 2014, 12:53:00 PM
Kirey, you say that things are not as bad as the 1950s, and that is true in some parts of the country. But here in Texas, unless you are in the large metropolitan areas, I've seen more than one occurrence of exactly what Deborah said - "kill them all!"

Former co-workers tell me I am a pervert and accuse me (in a general way) of being a pedophile, though I've never done such a thing in the 54 years before I began transition so why would I do it now?

My son has flatly asserted that his life would be easier if I had gone ahead and killed myself.

These sorts of sentiments are very common, especially in parts of the old Confederacy. Down south in too many places even still, if you are  not white, straight, fundamentalist, evangelical Protestant, then you are evil and should be destroyed. In Louisiana, a child was sent home with a note asking why the child has to be Buddhist because it causes "so many problems". In Kentucky, a fire chief, at the scene of a car accident, told his EMS squad to not help the black couple, saying on clear open radio "We don't take no n****** here!" One researcher from HRC went to the Mississippi county that listed zero gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or trans people among their population. He found them! And he found that the census taker volunteers and the mail carriers, had quietly ensured they would not be counted.

That is the environment in parts of the old South. It exists elsewhere too but not nearly as badly. And I can guarantee you that my son is teaching both of his daughters (my granddaughters) that transsexual people are perverts, abominations, sinners, evil, and deserve to die. He told me in no uncertain terms that he would make sure his eldest daughter was "ready" for me when she turned 18 and that he would be certain that she'd reject me if she sought me out. He's going to brainwash her, his hate is that bad. And his entire church supports his actions and speech against me. My daughter had to leave that church because she was so disgusted with it on transphobia and several other issues (homophobia and racism).

So even though we're maybe in better shape than gays were in the 1950s, in certain parts of the country we're only barely better.

I am sorry that you went to such a rough time, and it is understandable why you see the things in such a way also. Even so though.. changes can happen, just as for homosexuals the same with transgenders. Not over night but surely with time.

It makes sense that at the moment it isn't all that accepted yet or I wouldn't even have asked what others would have as ideas to make a change.

Quote from: JoanneB on November 23, 2014, 03:34:24 PM
My two experiments with transition in my early 20's were derailed in part due to the snickers and remarks made. After having spent most of my life to that point as a target of ridicule for reasons other then being trans, I opted for being normal.

Today, thanks to a very heaping helping of self esteem I know I can deal with that. Thankfully, the worse I've gotten so far is a too long of a look from a young girl. (when you are 6ft tall, thin, and smartly dressed in a land full of far shorter and far far heavier, jean wearing women you may stand out some) Looks from guys don't scare me at all these days.

More confidence, more attitude, and knowing that this IS RIGHT for me. I am not and never was some guy in a dress, though I may have felt that way once

I'm glad you found your courage. I'm still looking for mine

Quote from: Kirey on November 23, 2014, 03:54:46 PM
I am sorry that you went to such a rough time, and it is understandable why you see the things in such a way also. Even so though.. changes can happen, just as for homosexuals the same with transgenders. Not over night but surely with time.

It makes sense that at the moment it isn't all that accepted yet or I wouldn't even have asked what others would have as ideas to make a change.

Good observation, and I agree!

Unfortunately, there are always going to be those segments of society who will never accept transgender people (or black, or gay, or...)  There isn't much that can be done to change the minds of those who are bigoted, ignorant and self-righteous unless they choose to open their minds (and hearts).  All we can do is keep trying to educate those who we can influence and hope the positive message spreads to the rest of the world.

I believe one major hurdle we need to overcome in educating other people is helping them understand the distinction between sex and gender, and therefore creating a better understanding of why we are transgender. 

The term "homosexual" refers to a sexual preference or sexual orientation,and therefore has that innate relationship with sexual activity...that is why sexually derogatory terms were/are used, like deviant, pervert, etc. when bigots and prejudicial people refer to homosexual people.  That is also why the term "gay"came to represent what it does...it is a word that can refer to a homosexual person or homosexual lifestyle, thus removing the direct attribution to sex. 

The terms "transsexual"or "transgender" have nothing to do with sexual preference or sexual orientation...yet because the those terms are similar to "homosexual" and we are often categorized with the LBG(T) movement, many people fail to realize that distinction.  In their minds, if you are transgender, you are automatically homosexual, and it is all about sex.

Not to mention people also still equate gender with sex, and when we start messing with that binary status quo, people get all kinds of confused about it.  I don't want to diminish or criticize those transgender people that are well-known and public, but who are many of those famous transgender individuals?  Models, maybe actresses (or adult film stars)...people who are objectified and sexualized by the nature of their status.  When another transgender individual can't or doesn't live up to that "sexual" standard, they are again relegated to a lower status.

Other than trying to say the word "sex" as many times as I can in this post, I am saying that until people can see transgender people as people with a gender issue and not perverts with a sex issue, we will not gain the true acceptance and understanding that we need.   

       

 

I understand what you are saying and I do agree but no one not interested in opening their minds will read that much into it, to realize they are wrong.

Besides, I do not like transphobes but still I do not see the, as complete bad people. Everyone is an ass in their own way and the person might be against transgenders but he might again be really sweet to their family. Most people have a good and a bad side and getting on their good side is an easy way to narrow down their bad.

Guess I'm lucky to live in Belgium... altho earlier today I overheard two girls (One from my class), talking about a mutual friend and how she didn't have a lover, but had feelings for this guy (which were mutual). The convo went like this from this point.

"But why aren't they a couple then?"

"The guy is bi"

"Ah, ya I can understand that."

"Mhm, me too."

(As a bisexual) It really left me speecheless as I can't see what the "issue" is with bisexuals... :/

Quote from: Luna Star on November 26, 2014, 01:08:34 PM
Guess I'm lucky to live in Belgium... altho earlier today I overheard two girls (One from my class), talking about a mutual friend and how she didn't have a lover, but had feelings for this guy (which were mutual). The convo went like this from this point.

"But why aren't they a couple then?"

"The guy is bi"

"Ah, ya I can understand that."

"Mhm, me too."

(As a bisexual) It really left me speecheless as I can't see what the "issue" is with bisexuals... :/

Don't take this wrong but some people think bis as more of a fence rider than just a normal sexual preference stating that a person can't like both sexes and must choose one. Personally I want to tell them to shove it because it doesn't matter whom you like or how you like it. Sex has two purposes; one nature's way. Reproduction: this allows a species to continue and two pleasure.  As humans we have evolved to the point where we can do it for fun and if you find switching fun then so be it. I find being with a woman fun completely throwing out point one but that's not the point of pleasure. Its to have fun. I believe the major stigmas like the lgbt community is so taboo because people won't accept it as who we are but the base animalistic part of it

This topic is very interesting to me because I have often wondered how we can "change the world".

I believe that the genesis of these behaviors comes from several places - fundamentalist religious beliefs, what children are taught by their parents, messages from the media, regional beliefs and customs as Liz touched on, and so on. I am currently in a southern bible belt state visiting my daughter and fundamentalist religion is a palpable force here - you can feel it; it's very hard to get away from the constant bombardment by it.

Given the above - some people are simply not going to be able to overcome those things and be able to think outside the box; they represent a lost cause. I have family members like this and we aren't talking now since my transition. Apparently I am a sinner that needs to repent.

Where we can change peoples hearts, minds, and thinking is among the rest of the population.

How do we do that?

Education.

How do we educate?

I have thought a lot about ways to do that. Change always starts at the local level, so the idea that keeps coming to my mind is to simply be visible, going about our normal lives. People generally won't listen to someone telling them something that goes against how they were raised, but people will observe and hearts will soften based on what they observe. Actions really do speak louder than words.

I know that being out and visible is not for everyone for a variety of reasons and I totally respect and understand that - we all have different lives and different concerns - personal safety, financial security, etc - that must be the first priority.

For those of us that can afford to be more visible - we have options. We can do little things like simply be visible and accessible at the place where we work. We can get involved in local politics. We can get involved in local efforts to minister to the needy, such as feeding the homeless or getting involved with habitat for humanity or volunteering at the local animal shelter.

These things involve us in activities where we will be among other people, allowing them a chance to get to know us in a non-threatening way - we are educating them by osmosis. We become less of "one of those transsexual people" and more of "Linda, Joe, Barbara" - someone that they are acquainted with. Once they know us they discover that we are just normal people wanting a normal life. When those people run into bigotry they are more likely to educate others - "I know a trans person and they are not like that". We create allies.

That's one of the ways that the gay community gained acceptance - awareness and education. Everyone knows a gay person and it's become much less of a big deal these days. Since there are so few of us - it's harder for us to do that, and it's going to take patience, time, and effort.

For the rest of the population that refuse to understand we need laws passed to help level the playing field and to stop discrimination. There is nothing like the threat of a lawsuit to change hearts and minds.

Get involved. Let people see that we are the same as them and we are not a threat - we simply want to live our lives as they do.

My .02

I'm male presenting but unfortunately some people around me know I'm crossdressing.
I've come up with a strategy together with two cis friends (discussing this with them) that
at least works for me at this stage.

Basically I just act like it is no big deal/uninterested/acts like "hey why not? it's fun" etc.
This seems to work quite well on most. And when people actually cross the line and start
to harass me (has only happened once) I just wait for a moment when I'm with that person
together with someone else (whom I can trust) and calmly say:

"You have done X & Y the last few days / weeks. This is sexual harrassment and I will not
tolerate it. "

I don't know how it is in the deep south in the US, but at least here in Europe, there is
a lot of transphobic people but most of them get soooo scared as soon as a threat of
legal actions is brought up. They want to show their contempt for the "weird ->-bleeped-<-",
but they don't want to risk anything doing so.

And on how to change attitudes towards transgendered people in society,
I think you can do little things. Ironically, I think it could even be easier
to affect peoples attitudes while being pre-transition or being cis.
I think a turning point for gay people was when hetero persons started
to stand up for the rights of gay people, and not only other gay people.

Being trans and being out, some (stupid) people just think you're an
"activist". I imagine it can be difficult to get past that perception, but
as previous posters have said, just living your life and showing them
that you are not just "that transsexual person" but a human being is a good
thing.

As a male-born male presenting person I've taken a stand in a few
discussions. One time I said it is terrible that transition in my country is not
allowed before the age of 18. "Of course it should be legal!". The other time
some deeewd said "why should we be question everything?
If we question every norm, even what is female or male, where will it end?" etc.
I corrected him by saying "You don't need to be so philosophical about it.
These people [transgender persons] do exist, and they are disciminated against,
it is not about questioning everything, it is about learning more about these
persons and changing society to better fit all citizens, these people included".

Both times I got weird looks, but I also think it got them thinking. "Hey, if
this white seemingly straight "normal" guy (Oooooh, they would be in for a surprise lol)
can accept those queer people, why shouldn't I be able to accept them?"

I admire persons brave enough to go through with transitioning and I think
the least I can do for them, while being in my privileged guy mode, is to
stand up against transphobic remarks that I hear in everyday life.

The hatred of trans folks, much like the hatred of gay and bi women and men, is rooted in male oppression of women. Gender (specifically, gender roles) is the means through which men exploit women for their own benefit.

The very existence of trans folks (as with the existence of people attracted to the same sex) is a threat to this gender system, and thus trans folks are hated. Transphobia will continue to exist for as long as sexism does. And while I truly believe that sexism will no longer exist at some point in the future, that 'some point' is several decades away even in a best-case scenario.

It's a very depressing scenario, but it's the truth.

I'm going to comment just to get this out of my head, and then I'll reread the other comments.

Two (related) things need to happen.

1. We need visibility. We need trans people in popular media, and they need to be positive role models.

2. These role models need to be people who do whatever they do, and just happen to be trans. As long as trans people are considered a part of lgbt culture and nothing else, people who aren't involved in that culture will continue to think of us as a group of "others." This also means that those of us able and brave enough ought to be open about who we are if we plan on working with the media, and maybe step out of our comfort zone a bit and not confine our audience to the lgbt community.

We do have these, Luca, but it takes time. Have you watched the learning process of Katie Couric? From her first disastrous interview with Janet Mock and Laverne Cox to where she is now? She's finally just starting to treat Laverne as an actress who happens to be trans rather than a sensationalistic transwoman topic.

We have (and have had) many of these role models out there. Phyllis Frye, here in Houston, transitioned back in the late 1970s and has practiced law here and is now a judge in Texas (first transgender judge in the US, though appointed, not elected - first elected trans judge goes to someone else).

Lynn Conway, now in her late 70s, came out in the 1990s after having transitioned back in the 1960s and was a highly successful electrical engineer and then a highly successful electrical engineering professor at the University of Michigan.

There are more and more of these positive role models but assimilating that into the culture takes time. Time for people to see them, understand them, learn, adapt, and accept. And the longer that we, as a community, hide behind "stealth" the longer that process will take.

Of course it takes time, of course it will be hard, of course it isn't all roses and sunshine right now. But if someone does not has the patience to wait and only see the negativity of how it is now and that it is not going fast enough, then you will never enjoy when it eventually breaks some barriers and actually makes a change.

I never said something had to change over night.

Quote from: Kirey on December 13, 2014, 08:08:53 PM
Of course it takes time, of course it will be hard, of course it isn't all roses and sunshine right now. But if someone does not has the patience to wait and only see the negativity of how it is now and that it is not going fast enough, then you will never enjoy when it eventually breaks some barriers and actually makes a change.

I never said something had to change over night.

And I never intended to imply that it had to change over night. *hugs* Forgive me if I was unclear.

http://www.salon.com/2014/08/20/michelle_duggars_hateful_anti_transgender_rights_campaign/

stumbled upon a very hateful event that is going to make it harder for the trans community. I truly don't understand why we have so much hateful things towards the community.

Quote from: Releca on December 16, 2014, 04:36:29 PM
http://www.salon.com/2014/08/20/michelle_duggars_hateful_anti_transgender_rights_campaign/

stumbled upon a very hateful event that is going to make it harder for the trans community. I truly don't understand why we have so much hateful things towards the community.

it's easy to understand.  Evangelical Christianity in America.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

To your original question:
I think it comes down to seeing trans* folks as humans. Not "it, them, others, those people, freaks, crazies." As many have already said, this may happen by having more people out of stealth mode, representing us as successful people, or just pointing out we look quite normal.
Going to university in a diverse city, I haven't come across any haters in real life (thankfully), but if I were to meet one, I'd like to tell them that they may not like who I am, but there is much more to me than being transgender. I also love dogs, have a collection of Digimon plushes, dislike raisins, and have a bunch of other characteristics that define me more as a person than just being transgender. All in all, respond transphobia by trying to create a relation between "us" and "them". Remind people that we are HUMANS.