If I had been born cis I wonder whether I would have been male or female? Like, if my brain and feelings matched my male body and I was all blokey and liked being a bloke, or if my body matched my mind and heart and so I would have been born female. I know which I would prefer, but that's just my mind talking. I've said I'd rather be a trans woman than a cis man, but I guess if I had actually been a cis man I wouldn't have cared.

This has been bugging me lately, a lot of my peers have achieved a lot more than me, and I know I could have achieved a lot more in my life if I hadn't had the trans depression and dysphoria yoke around my shoulders since I can remember. And yes I have achieved a lot to get where I am, to align myself physically and socially  with the gender I identify with I have sacrificed, lost, spent, gained and achieved plenty. But the fact that I even have had to, if I had been cis I could have just got on with my life...

Sorry a bit bummed out at the moment.

Aw, you are not alone. I'm 42 now and I did not start the transitioning process until 2008 (6 years ago!) and there were a lot of bumpy interrupts and restarts, but now I am on HRT again and what is done is done. I know what you say when it is different to "achieve" in the guise of a cis male or even a closeted gay male. I have had a degree of successes in my life and I think that supposed "male" identity that I had was hard for me to leave because OTHERS, not me, were and still are attached to that old person. Granted, I don't deny my old self but the new and improved me is here more and more with each passing day. I hope you feel less hum drum but I figure you were just expressing yourself. Just my humble response. Peace! 

Hi Grace.

I'm sure this thought bums us all out on occasion. The effects of dysphoria are so widespread in our lives, and it's easy to see from our new point of view. There's nothing fair about it.

What you may not acknowledge enough, is that it's the same affliction that generally makes us stronger, more kind and outgoing, more intelligent and have a real sense of humility, and a huge capacity to emotionally connect with people. That female life that was buried inside you and lived restricted for so long just explodes when you accept yourself. She explodes with such force that it touches every place where dyphoria once was. And she will never take any of it for granted. Something cis people can never really know.

As far as consolation prizes go, it's not a terrible one.

xx

I relate. If I was cis.... Ill feel like Im tiny and little sex appeal to women.  At one time I did hate my height but I dont care because men to me are the opposite sex. So it doesnt matter... Im not in competition with them.

My career would be easier since I fight myself to not work in a more gender neutral environment.

All in all. I dont know. Theres too many variables. But one thing is for sure being trans makes me a woman of high magnitude.  Its like i am more feminine than every woman I know.... sure theres pretty girls but are they feminine and understand men the way I do.... no.

I'll post my opinion slightly differently. I will begin by saying I have recently had to deal with is head on.

I was asked during a TV interview to describe on camera how my life had been ruined by being trans. The premise was to support trans children, to publicly admit that my life would have been so much better if I had been cis, if I had been 'rescued' as a teen.

I couldn't do it. I could not say that I had been ruined.

I will say that at this moment that I am suffering from my past, it is returning in it's foul detail.

But no, I will not, I cannot say that I am sorry for my life.

I was born transgender, I am the sum of my past. I cannot regret what I had no choice in.

Quote from: Cindy on November 30, 2014, 04:35:23 AM
I was born transgender, I am the sum of my past. I cannot regret what I had no choice in.

Thanks Cindy. Wise and true words.

I think I'm feeling this way because I'm having to jump through hoops at the moment, hoops created by cis people that don't exist for cis people.

I'm willing to bet you you've achieved a heck of a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for.  Not all achievement looks the same and often the best achievements leave you nothing material to show for them.

If I had been born cis, my chromosomes would have produced a typically male child. I'd have the same hairy, wiry, body that I'd been with, but I'd have been typically male. I probably would have relished playing football, would have called my friends disrespectful names as an endearment and wouldn't care whether anyone understood how I was feeling.

When I follow that line of thinking, I actually, can be very thankful that I was born trans, and that I get to be a woman.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 30, 2014, 02:48:00 AM
This has been bugging me lately, a lot of my peers have achieved a lot more than me, and I know I could have achieved a lot more in my life if I hadn't had the trans depression and dysphoria yoke around my shoulders since I can remember.

How many of them are a moderator on one of the world's largest transgender support sites? How many of them daily help people who are struggling with gender?

Sure, you may downplay all that, but it is an ACCOMPLISHMENT, one that means a whole lot more than career success.

Even cis people have struggles and wonder what if. The struggles just differ. I have wondered the same but that is all it is,...I think.

Quote from: Danielle Emmalee on November 30, 2014, 07:56:46 AM
I'm willing to bet you you've achieved a heck of a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for.  Not all achievement looks the same and often the best achievements leave you nothing material to show for them.

This.

I think a transition is a masterpiece in itself. Requires some herculean effort to pull it off, and despite all adversity and hardship we manage to be stronger than before and anything else. We beat ourselves up too much, we should pause and think how much TRUE STRENGTH it took to be where we are today. We should praise our own and others genuineness. There are too much fake people around, we pay the highest price to be genuine.

 I could see being cis woman things would of been a lot better.

Over the past week in Guadalajara recovering from FFS, I have has a lot of time (probably too much) to think about all sorts of things.  Some of my thinking has been along the lines of what might have been for me.  My son once said that until he was about 8, he was absolutely clueless and just bounced from once thing to another without much appreciation for what he was doing (he is now 19).  I feel the same but it happened for the first 40 years of my life.  Sure, I did things, had a family , moved countries, succeeded at work but not with any real engagement.  They really were just things done.  Now, it is starting to be different but boy, how much better could I have been?  Solution?  Learn and move forward building on who I am.  Do I have things to be proud of? Very much so.  Things to work on? God yes!

Grace, some of my peers succeeded decades ahead of me (company directors in public companies etc).  I just see it as me being on a very different road that took a while to find and I like to think that at 52, I am growing in ways they will never experience.  Don't undersell yourself either.  You have so much empathy and understanding for others that I am in awe of.  By the way, don't let them grind you down.

By the way, I have a high school reunion next year and I am seriously considering going not only for the pure pleasure of seeing the reactions, good and bad (read elite church single-sex private school) but also to catch up with those I spent 4 years living with who have had more modest lives that don't measure in success terms the way the high flyers do.  40 years after we started, the genuine friendships will still be there. I don't think any of the outrageous success stories will be able to top this! 

Transitioning is a huge achievement.

Being a cis man would be simply awful for me. I'm short (5'7") not athletic, I'm terrible at sports and I don't even like to play them. Not to mention constant bullying in school and never being able to fit in with the guys, in an all boys school. I mostly made friends with girls from other schools. I could never treat a woman like dirt and I'm simply not assertive with the opposite sex and I like to be dominated. Being a cis man would be... I can't even.

depends on which side your being born cis on.  i was born male, so if i was a cis male. who knows.  if i was born female, i might be happier with how i am right now.   but if i were cis male i wouldnt even be having this thaught.   right now, born male, wanting to be female.   perhaps if i could go back and change and be born female, hit the same part in my life and discover i wanted to be male instead. 

i have spent alot of time thinking about things such as this during my life.  and specially back at the beginning of the year after my accident, where i spent the greater part of 4 months being stuck in bed, or sitting at my computer. gave me, way way too much time to think,   which overall, was a good thing.   if it werent for those 4 months, i wouldnt have reconnected with an old friend, and made personal discoveries about myself, and realised that it was that i was male, but not really a guy that was making me miserable.   

though, i have thaught many times about what "could" have been.  ive always believed deep down that everything happens for a reason.  if i was meant to be born with a female body, i would have been.  its the things we experience during our lives that greatly affect who we are and who we become.  if we would have been born cis instead of trans, our lives would have gone very differently, and we would be very different people compared to who we are today to the point that that person, would not actually be you anymore.

ive had alot of ups and downs, tried quite a few things that didnt quite succeed, and had my accident that put me into a major financial crisis that i am about to finally get out of here in a few months.  all happened for a reason.  even if the only reason, was to make me who i am today.  now, almost 8 months in hindsight from my accident, view it as a blessing.  if it werent for my financially crippling accident, i would not have had the time to reflect on things, and could have been many many more years before discovering the parts of myself id lost or hidden away many years ago.  could have been many many more years before discovering that i need to transition.

ive always wondered how my life could have been if i had a childhood as a female, and with how things are, ive wished i could have lived my childhood as a girl.  though, that girl would grow up to be someone that isnt me.  perhaps happy, perhaps sad.  i would take being me and being trans, over being cis.  because its what i am supposed to be.

^^ But your personality would be different... you would be like a cis guy.

5'7 is alright height for a guy.... depends on race.

Im 5'6.. 3 quarters. It does make a difference lol

Just how the **** do you define success? 

As Cindy said, we are the sum of ourselves and our past.  It is a different way of looking at nature vs. nurture.  Build on that tremendous strength you have inside you.  You are alive against frightening odds, you have known terrible pain and you reach out to help others each day.   Because you have known what it is to be empty, you appreciate so much that others take for granted.  You have tasted life and found it to be good.  That, to me, is success.

You have had a hell of a journey but you are here.  Don't look behind, look ahead...you are poised to know the joy of life in a way few can.  Don't fret that you didn't get to this point with as much money or poise or whatever it is you think is success.  Rejoice that you are one of the very few, cis or trans, who make it at all.  Now, live life to the fullest that you can.

Big, tearful Hugs,

Jen

Quote from: Wild Flower on November 30, 2014, 12:13:51 PM
^^ But your personality would be different... you would be like a cis guy.

5'7 is alright height for a guy.... depends on race.

Im 5'6.. 3 quarters. It does make a difference lol

It used to be OK in Trinidad but in the USA it's short. I'm of Indian ethnicity.

I may lose height too.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 30, 2014, 02:48:00 AM
I've said I'd rather be a trans woman than a cis man. . .

I know what you mean.  Funny how we lament being born trans, but if it's a question of being cis-male, no thanks.

Quote from: Ms Grace on November 30, 2014, 02:48:00 AM
This has been bugging me lately, a lot of my peers have achieved a lot more than me, and I know I could have achieved a lot more in my life if I hadn't had the trans depression and dysphoria yoke around my shoulders since I can remember. And yes I have achieved a lot to get where I am, to align myself physically and socially  with the gender I identify with I have sacrificed, lost, spent, gained and achieved plenty. But the fact that I even have had to, if I had been cis I could have just got on with my life...

I know what you mean.  I, too, feel I've accomplished precious little with my life.  But let's not overlook the obvious that we're all accomplishing right now: by being out in the world, by acquainting people with transpeople, by showing them that we ain't so bad, by doing our bit to advance the cause of trans rights, we're helping to make things better for future generations of transpeople.  You never know, some of them might be grateful to us and will say that we accomplished quite a bit that was very valuable to them.

If this is the main thing I contribute to with my life, I feel pretty good about that.

There is no point regretting things that can never be or never have been. If I was not me, as I am, if I was CIS, I would not be me. I won't wish myself out of existence.
Now I regret plenty of things that I had control over, but I won't and don't, regret being me. However much it sucks sometimes.

Quote from: ImagineKate on November 30, 2014, 12:23:18 PM
It used to be OK in Trinidad but in the USA it's short. I'm of Indian ethnicity.

I may lose height too.

Yeah... short guys do exist. I live life as one but its not an end of the world (or maybe since im trans its like whatever lol)