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Binding as self harm?

Started by darkblade, December 03, 2014, 12:33:21 AM

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darkblade

Have any of you guys done this? Consciously or subconsciously I suppose. I feel like I insist on binding for too long and when my ribs start hurting I still refuse to take it off.

Wondering whether I should be worried that I'm doing this. I've even been thinking of buying another one a size smaller...
I'm trying to be somebody, I'm not trying to be somebody else.
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Alexthecat

I would be worried, you could damage your ribs. Messing up your bones isn't going to help look more manly and when you do get the surgery you may not want to ever take your shirt off because everyone will be staring at your messed up ribs and not the chest.

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adrian

Hello there,

it could definitely be considered self-harming behavior. So maybe it would be good to address this issue -- either in therapy or by finding other, safe outlets for your feelings.

I'm trying to be really good about not binding too tightly because I don't think I could stand not being able to bind at all just because I injured myself doing it. I have an (ongoing) history of self harm, and I just want to say try to do your best not to go down that road.
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NathanielM

It isn't healthy  to wear it that long, but I'm guessing you know that. Try figuring out what the reason is you have a hard time wearing it less. If it's really just a way to hurt yourself it might be something you want to talk with your therapist about.

I've worn my binder too tight and too long, mostly because topdysphoria is really bad. Now I'm kind of stuck taking it of as soon as I get home because my back and shoulders hurt. Don't make the mistake of binding in an unhealthy way and then suddenly not being able to bind at all. If you seriously hurt something, you could end up having to go binderless without your choice.

I use big hoodies at home so I don't get too dysphoric, I've also got a practically useless binder because it's too big and stretched that I wear sometimes at these moments so it doesn't feel like I'm wearing nothing without compressing anything. Might be an idea too find what works for you and start small, by not wearing you binder the hour before you got to bed for example.
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strapping_young_lad

Quote from: NathanielM on December 03, 2014, 12:56:55 AM
It isn't healthy  to wear it that long, but I'm guessing you know that. Try figuring out what the reason is you have a hard time wearing it less. If it's really just a way to hurt yourself it might be something you want to talk with your therapist about.

I've worn my binder too tight and too long, mostly because topdysphoria is really bad. Now I'm kind of stuck taking it of as soon as I get home because my back and shoulders hurt. Don't make the mistake of binding in an unhealthy way and then suddenly not being able to bind at all. If you seriously hurt something, you could end up having to go binderless without your choice.

I use big hoodies at home so I don't get too dysphoric, I've also got a practically useless binder because it's too big and stretched that I wear sometimes at these moments so it doesn't feel like I'm wearing nothing without compressing anything. Might be an idea too find what works for you and start small, by not wearing you binder the hour before you got to bed for example.

This.

I also tend to take off my binder as soon as I get home from work and I don't wear it when I don't have to be somewhere. I ussually wear hoodies also to ease my dysforia. In the Netherlands the docs advise to wear your bind as least as you can stand, so your top surgery results will look the best.

If you are thinking that the way you bind is a form of self-harming I would advise you speak to your therapist about it.
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darkblade

Ah man I just really like feeling flat :( Just worried I might be subconsciously trying to self harm.. maybe I'll bring it up in therapy but probably not my next session.

Guess I'll just go buy lots of new sport bras  :(

I've also not been letting myself sleep enough for a while now, also wondering what that's all about. I generally care a lot about taking care of myself health-wise...
I'm trying to be somebody, I'm not trying to be somebody else.
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Bran

You know, I think this is an important question, and it really hinges on your definition of self-harm.  "Self-harm" sort of gets wrapped up together as if it was all one thing but, of course, it's really not.  There are all sorts of things that people do to their bodies that cause pain and damage.  Some of those things are socially sanctioned and some aren't, and some are more unhealthy than others.  Some people who get tattoos and piercings do it because they like the pain, and wearing high heels is far more harmful to the body than superficial cutting.  Some people who smoke really do use it as a kind of slow suicide.  Men who punch walls in anger sometimes end up breaking their hand so badly they need surgery. 

The way I see it, all of these things are self-harm, but some of them aren't usually thought of that way.  In my experience, harmful actions which conform with gender roles or are male-associated are not usually considered a form of self-harm, while actions that transgress gender roles or are more female-associated are more likely to be considered self-harming.  A man punching a wall, a woman getting a piercing is not self-harm.  A teenage girl cutting, or a man getting body piercing often is.  I find the concept of self-harm much less useful than trying to break down the components.  I ask myself: why am I doing this? Are the consequences of this action acceptable to me?  If not, what else could I do instead to meet the same need? 

So, try asking yourself why you actually bind?  Is it because you don't want other people to see your chest, or because you don't want to see it yourself (social dysphoria or body dysphoria)?  Or do you actively want to hurt your chest, and bind it as a sort of self-directed revenge?  When you leave your binder on even if it's hurting, is it just because the pain of leaving it on is less than the pain of having to deal with your body when you take it off?  Or is it because you want the pain-- want to feel it, or think you deserve it?  It might be several or all of those reasons at times.  But breaking it down is likely to get more answers than just asking if it is "self-harm."

Binding is harmful-- but for lots of us it does more good than harm.
***
Light is the left hand of darkness
and darkness the right hand of light.

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Adam (birkin)

Quote from: darkblade on December 03, 2014, 12:33:21 AM
Wondering whether I should be worried that I'm doing this.

Um, YES? o.O You should be worried. In 2013 I suffered injuries from binding, even while doing it safely and it was excruciatingly painful...even hurt a while after I stopped. I haven't bound since. So to deliberately induce that pain...ouch, no no, it really is not worth it and it doesn't make any sense.

If you do choose go the sports bra route (as you mentioned in a later post in this thread), honestly, don't sweat it. I can tell you, once I realized I couldn't bind I was mortified, convinced I'd never pass without top surgery and that I was doomed to live as a woman until it was done. I wondered how I could stand to see the boobs there. But after a few days I realized that binding has very little effect on passing unless you've got like Katy Perry boobs and/or a push up bra on. If your face and overall features are female, binding probably won't change that - similarly, if your features are primarily male, binding likely won't change that. People read gender cues on so many other things, and may only look for boobs/crotch bulge if a person looks COMPLETELY ambiguous. Just wear a t shirt that fits properly (loose enough to hide but not overly baggy, which makes you look more diminutive) or a hoodie, whatever. It's no biggie. And I've accepted that I can sometimes see my chest, I remind myself that very few people even notice. Mine are a C cup and the few times people find out they're like "oh so you had surgery to have your boobs removed?" or "but...do you have boobs?" One friend only noticed when it was brought to her attention.
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