Okay, i just got back from the group and it´s safe to say that this did not go as i had anticipated. i knew that the meeting would start with one of the girls
doing a sales introduction lecture for a Omega fatty acid balance diet thingy, but it was not her doing it, it was two non transgender guys well known from the local
sports world. The girl that i thought would do the introduction is a exuberant very open type of person and as the first girls came in she announced to them
that i (said my birth name) was there already, she apparently had no idea that this was my first time out. In a panic i chased her to the coffee machine in
the hallway and told her that i was brand new and scared stiff and please not to do this because nobody there had seen me before. She said sorry and then
put a hand on my shoulder and told me not to be afraid, it would be alright. While she was doing that, i noticed an open office space a few feet from us where
a group of office workers overheard everything. No don´t go running out girl, i said to myself, don´t let yourself down and so i just smiled and went back into
the room for the nutrition thingy intro. The foreman showed up a bit late and did not attend, was doing something else and there were just four of us and those
two guys, one of which did nothing the whole time except send messages on his cell phone and that was just freaking me out. i had not been introduced to any
of the girls yet, was too shy to initiate that and they probably also. Anyway the intro took forever it felt like, but was probably an hour and a half. Thought i would die.
When it was finally over, we girls went into another room for a meeting and two others joined us there who did not attend the intro.
We had about 20 minutes to chat there and there i was asked about my situation and i answered the best i could, but there were other subjects
being talked about also, so it was all a bit hurried, not much left of the evening. i told of my frustration with the system here, that i felt like there was
no room for the likes of me within the recent law for transgenders, those who want to go on hormones but are not allowed to start until a committee of
so called specialists had decided if to allow it after 12 months of living as a woman. i had planned to be calm and sweet but ended up a complaining excitable bitch,
but i did manage to explain what a shock this evening had been for me and they understood and that was a good feeling. The foreman did not know that
these two guys would be there and it´s not her fault, it´s just how it is, it´s a tiny group in difficulty finding housing.
Somebody up there just loves to tease me.
So it was late and everyone had to go, but having heard that the foreman arrived by bus, i used the opportunity to offer her a ride home, which she accepted
and one other girl too who lives in the same neighborhood. During the drive i bitched some more, but we had a good laugh about the situation also and that
eased the tension much. Was really disappointed with myself having reacted like this and told the foreman that, adding that i hoped she would not think me
a total idiot, that i really am a nice person. i like her, she is a sweet woman, no complaints with any of the girls, happy to be in their group. i am invited as
Linda to a Xmas meeting that will be held in a few weeks from now. Am really happy about that, but goodness me i have to be calmer then for everyone´s sake.
So that was it, a long ride through a surrealistic kind of hell and then a short excited meeting with some very nice people.
All in all i am happy i did not run, at least i did that right, i hung on. Will have to tell my mother and father soon though,
i am as good as out to everyone now i fear and would rather they hear it from me than someone else.
i am laughing about this now, while shaking my head in disbelief but i am glad i went,
it has to get easier from now on, i don´t have nerves for more panic like this.
Hugs and kisses to you girls for cheering me on,
i don´t think i would have dared without your support.
linda
