Just wondering if therapy has prompted a eureka moment for anyone here?

I realise it might be a little unrealistic to expect but it sorta feels like what I need to happen. My therapist has been great the few times I've been so far and she is specifically a gender therapist which obviously helps but I'm not sure. It feels great for that hour to talk to spill my guts out and finally tell someone EVERYTHING about me and not just bits and pieces. And she's really good to talk to, seems pretty smart and stuff, I mean being book smart is one thing but you can always tell when someone gets it, or at least I can. But I'm having a hard time feeling I'm going to get that moment out of it. I mean I feel like I know so much about myself already. I spend way too long thinking about why we are the way we are and think the way we do anyway. And all that has meant for me is coming to the conclusion that there are things that you can't change. My personal situation is way too complicated to explain but no matter what the real nature of what I'm dealing with is there doesn't seem like an answer. I feel like I need to wake up in the morning and know something different about life that I don't know now. I'm not religious but I'm constantly wishing I had some sort of epiphany about why we're all here that will make this all not matter. I'm completely open to the idea that there is some higher purpose out there but I feel like I NEED to know about it. Its like life is not enough. I don't know if that is a trans related feeling or not. Anyone feel like that? Anyway I've not been feeling too great the past few days. I mean its Friday night and I'm probably about to spend another weekend sitting about watching TV because I feel too bad about myself to go out.

But I just wondered that if that moment of understanding has come from therapy for anyone? I have another appointment on Monday. Wish they were longer than an hour. I feel like at the rate of one hour every few weeks I might just get there by the time I'm 90. I have so much I could talk about.

Sorry, you only learn the purpose of life by living it. That's my take, anyway.

One of my therapists suggested presenting female in as many social settings as possible. That led to my decided I needed to be female permanently, so the answer to your question would be, yes, indirectly.

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 05, 2014, 07:01:19 PM
Sorry, you only learn the purpose of life by living it. That's my take, anyway.

Hi Grace. You're probably right. I think I want to know stuff that we probably will never know anyway. I feel like I NEED to know it. Even since I was a kid I've been like that. Dunno why. It's one of those feelings for me that looking back now and reflecting it certainly makes a neat explanation to say it as a result of being transgender but I certainly never felt that way about it before.

Anyway you're right I try so hard to be someone who goes out there and experiences life to the fullest, but it's really hard for me. I feel really sad sometimes because I know I'm wasting my life but I can't seem to change it.  Again its one of those things maybe I could  if I were to accept I'm transgender and make changes or maybe I've come to the whole transgender thing because I find living life hard. Anyway thanks for the response!

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 05, 2014, 07:15:32 PM
One of my therapists suggested presenting female in as many social settings as possible. That led to my decided I needed to be female permanently, so the answer to your question would be, yes, indirectly.

Hi Suzifrommd, or is it just Suzi? haha don't know what to call people on here. Ye see for me that doesn't really seem like an option. It feels like I need a mental realisation before doing anything physical. I know probably people will say that is not possible but again my own personal situation is way to complicated to explain unless I write like 6000 words which I kinda did when I posted my story on here first! But I'm glad that worked out for you and thanks for the response.

Quote from: orangejuice on December 05, 2014, 06:57:33 PM
Just wondering if therapy has prompted a eureka moment for anyone here?

Yes several actually. Confronting toxic shame was probably the most important and liberating.
Make no mistake, therapy is hard work. You only get as much out of it as you put in. It's not just a "confessional" or emotion-dump on to your therapist.

for myself I found the most productive method for the limited hour session is to write everything you need to get out on paper in an extended like therapy session. every conceivable thought that you need to get out and just give it to the therapist each week. if your therapist wants to help they can better see what's going on in your mind.

Quote from: cathyrains on December 05, 2014, 07:40:20 PM
Yes several actually. Confronting toxic shame was probably the most important and liberating.
Make no mistake, therapy is hard work. You only get as much out of it as you put in. It's not just a "confessional" or emotion-dump on to your therapist.

Hi cathyrains, that is good to hear. I know it might sound like I'm closed off to the idea of getting anything out of it but I'm really not. I still have a lot of hope, and there's no way I'll not do everything conceivable to get something from it.

Quote from: stephaniec on December 05, 2014, 07:42:45 PM
for myself I found the most productive method for the limited hour session is to write everything you need to get out on paper in an extended like therapy session. every conceivable thought that you need to get out and just give it to the therapist each week. if your therapist wants to help they can better see what's going on in your mind.

Hi stephanie thanks for the advice, that's actually what I've done for my first two appointments. My therapist encourages that. Haven't done it for Monday though because probably out of the 6000 words I've sent her so far in two emails we've probably covered about two sentences worth so far! I think part of my anxiety about it at the moment is the timescale thing. I'm 25. I feel like if I do decide to do anything even a couple of years could be pretty devastating. And I'm not at the best starting place anyway.

I know that feeling all too well. promise not to tell any one, but I'm 13 months since starting and just turned 63 , quite a downer when I should of started at 18 if not at 5, but what can you do

I have not (yet) been to a gender therapist, but I have been having regular therapy sessions for about a year and a half, maybe two, after realizing I'd been mildly depressed for much of my adult life. Honestly, I had no good idea why I was there, but over the many sessions, I talked through a lot.

I had what I think was my transgender Eureka moment last week. Not in or related to anything that came up in a session, but I have no doubt that the therapy was a major component enabling me to have that occasion.

Today was my first session since then, and even though I'd come to grips with a surprising amount in the previous week, I started off by coming out to my therapist and, for the first time, was able to be completely open with him about everything. Every time before, in each of the 50-75 sessions, I'd been holding something back. I didn't know what, but even simply being asked what I felt meant I'd have to think quietly for a few minutes to realize I had no idea. Today I had feelings. So there was a different Eureka moment.

So take me as a data point that therapy *can* work. Probably not for everyone, but if you'd asked me a few weeks ago I'd have given you a much more lukewarm opinion about whether it'd been worthwhile. So be patient and, as long as it's not harmful or totally ineffective, give it a chance.