I feel good, thank you for the messages ^^
The last time I threw up was at breakfast. I couldn't sleep through the night while dizzy from anaesthesia. I'm itching all over my body xD The nurse just left with my last medication for today. I want food so bad, I turned on the cooking channel just to get me off xD

I'm going back to the Rama today, I feel ok, I just get randomly sleepy sometimes, I'm guessing due to the anaesthesia xD There's no pain down there at all at this point, but all I can think about is food. When they remove the packing, I'll have a nurse run down to the KFC to get me a huge bucket of fried chicken and some sandwiches. I even dream about food when I sleep xD Everyone is very nice, especially Noa, the nurse, I believe that's her name. She made me tea cause I said I hated clear water :3 And I do, clear water makes me wanna throw up, hate the taste of it. I'm getting a bit tired of not being able to understand most of what people say to me, everyone has such a thick asian accent. I just wanna be back home in Poland recovering, but it's still 20 more days Q.Q

Quote from: Poison_Ivy on December 08, 2014, 06:09:50 PM
I'm going back to the Rama today, I feel ok, I just get randomly sleepy sometimes, I'm guessing due to the anaesthesia xD There's no pain down there at all at this point, but all I can think about is food. When they remove the packing, I'll have a nurse run down to the KFC to get me a huge bucket of fried chicken and some sandwiches. I even dream about food when I sleep xD Everyone is very nice, especially Noa, the nurse, I believe that's her name. She made me tea cause I said I hated clear water :3 And I do, clear water makes me wanna throw up, hate the taste of it. I'm getting a bit tired of not being able to understand most of what people say to me, everyone has such a thick asian accent. I just wanna be back home in Poland recovering, but it's still 20 more days Q.Q

Yea same thing I was going through as well. Not to mention the post op depression you'll most likely be going through within those 20 days, the itchiness all over your stomach due to anesthesia, dilating 3 times a day, and taking more meds.

Please take good care of yourself. Since you don't have any estrogen in your body which you can't take until you get home, you'll pretty much be on menopausal symptoms for those 20 days until the nurses or your physician says it's OK to take them. The reason you can take them now is because of blood clot which has a risk of heart attack or deep vein thrombosis. Once you take hrt again, after a few weeks of taking it at home, you'll start to feel better and heal alot faster.

As for the remaining days you'll experience hot flashes, dizziness, eeakness, fatigue, and depression due to all the healing your body is going through, blood vessels and nerves reconnecting, medication symptoms, and low estrogen symptoms. But don't worry, that is why it's important to eat. You need the nutrients and proteins.

Ask Ms Som and the other nurse that comes with her to check on you daily as much questions you can. And once you do get home, you're pretty much on your own so book a visit with a gynecologist who has experience with transgenders who had srs as well as see a physician so he can tell you how much dosage of hrt you need to take now that you had surgery.

Hope everything is going well for you! Btw, when vaginal packing is removed and when ms Som first dilate you to determine your depth, it'll feel weird and might feel like it hurts but don't worry its the process. Regardless if dilating hurts, it's necessary to do it. Just don't force it in you...

As good as I felt at the clinic, back at the hotel I feel as if I'm about to die. It was so hot when they left me and I kept throwing up. I'm deathly scared of dilations, they swabbed the vagina earlier and it felt painful :/ So the dilator must feel awful. I took a look at myself in the mirror and I look like the grim repear, I lost so much weight and I was skinny to begin with. And everyone keeps talking to me with this asian accent that I just don't understand... I wish I could go home ;(

Quote from: Hanazono on December 09, 2014, 02:29:29 AM
you'll be ok I hope! is blackponyx going to link up with you?

Yep, she'll be here in 3 days.
After the initial shock of getting there, I feel much better. I'm quite mobile and can walk around the room just fine, I wouldn't go outside the room of course. I'm taking my meds, eating peanuts and drinking pepsi Also when I was on youtube, the thai pizza hut website popped up so I already made a list of all their pizzas I'll be ordering as soon as this god damn packing is out of me. Also the local KFC delivers
As for the pikachu itself, it looks quite good. I didn't notice any significant scarring, it's very swollen of course and I can see both labias, but from what I can tell, once the swelling goes down it will all settle nicely. It's gonna be as pretty as a pikachu can get xD

I'm going to be honest with you  so you don't get a scared crazy shock. The first time she dilates you can be insanely painful. I had Norco's and it was still intense, now it all got better so hang in there. also some girls the effects of being of hormones can be to radical, and they will actually allow you to use patch's but this is only on severe cases.  guess how I know that lol 

I've just been crying for hours at this point... I knew it was gonna be painful and  I thought I was prepared but once you're actually going through it, it's horrible... I wanna go home so much I still have to spend 19 more painful days here and the thought alone is killing me. What did I get myself into. My hair is greasy and it's been falling out in insane amounts. I know I haven't washed it in 5 days, but I brushed it out today and it was so so much hair... and everytime I touch it there's like at least 3 hairs left in my hand. I'm gonna beg the nurses to allow me to take some E again, I can't get out of this mess bald :/ My hair has been thinning out since this fall for different reasons, and I just got it under control. I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm in a nightmare :/ And back at the clinic I thought I was gonna be fine, and then when I first got back to the Rama I was very mobile and stuff... but now... crap :/ This thread has kind of turned into my diary, but so be it. Maybe my decision to do this was premature, but it's too late now. I'm just gonna sit here and cry in a pile of my own hair.

Quote from: Poison_Ivy on December 09, 2014, 12:10:48 AM
As good as I felt at the clinic, back at the hotel I feel as if I'm about to die. It was so hot when they left me and I kept throwing up. I'm deathly scared of dilations, they swabbed the vagina earlier and it felt painful :/ So the dilator must feel awful. I took a look at myself in the mirror and I look like the grim repear, I lost so much weight and I was skinny to begin with. And everyone keeps talking to me with this asian accent that I just don't understand... I wish I could go home ;(

Lol it'll be fine sweetie! Those are normal. It's the same thing I went through and I felt and looked horrible. They will come check on you daily to check your vagina with swabs to make sure there's no infections or anything bad down there but probably on the 2nd or 3rd week, the swabbing will be not as painful. But it is sensitive down there so you will feel sensation after it gradually heals.

I too have lost a lot of weight after surgery. As for the dilation, the day they take out your vaginal packing and after Ms Som determines your depth, you will need to dilate the day after for the first time and Ms Som will be there to watch you just in case.

Quote from: Poison_Ivy on December 09, 2014, 08:52:48 AM
I've just been crying for hours at this point... I knew it was gonna be painful and  I thought I was prepared but once you're actually going through it, it's horrible... I wanna go home so much I still have to spend 19 more painful days here and the thought alone is killing me. What did I get myself into. My hair is greasy and it's been falling out in insane amounts. I know I haven't washed it in 5 days, but I brushed it out today and it was so so much hair... and everytime I touch it there's like at least 3 hairs left in my hand. I'm gonna beg the nurses to allow me to take some E again, I can't get out of this mess bald :/ My hair has been thinning out since this fall for different reasons, and I just got it under control. I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm in a nightmare :/ And back at the clinic I thought I was gonna be fine, and then when I first got back to the Rama I was very mobile and stuff... but now... crap :/ This thread has kind of turned into my diary, but so be it. Maybe my decision to do this was premature, but it's too late now. I'm just gonna sit here and cry in a pile of my own hair.

It's OK sweetie. All that is Normal,  I had a lot of hair fall out but it was temporary till I got back home. What you're going through now is post op depression. And like Calico said, in severe cases as in feeling extremely dizzy, fainting and extreme menopausal symptoms, I think they would allow estrogen medication.

I too was at the rama, crying and telling myself why and regret started coming onto me. Then I read about the post op depression and also all the things I was feeling that were considered a part of the process after srs.

You'll make it! You've finally got a major goal accomplished and once it's all healed, you'll be glad you did it! I'm with you and other girls here who is not too far apart on their srs! We're here for you and some of us in person.

Quote from: jojo702 on December 09, 2014, 09:55:09 AM
It's OK sweetie. All that is Normal,  I had a lot of hair fall out but it was temporary till I got back home. What you're going through now is post op depression. And like Calico said, in severe cases as in feeling extremely dizzy, fainting and extreme menopausal symptoms, I think they would allow estrogen medication.

I too was at the rama, crying and telling myself why and regret started coming onto me. Then I read about the post op depression and also all the things I was feeling that were considered a part of the process after srs.

You'll make it! You've finally got a major goal accomplished and once it's all healed, you'll be glad you did it! I'm with you and other girls here who is not too far apart on their srs! We're here for you and some of us in person.

Thank you <3 In the back of my head I know all that, and I knew all the consequences prior to coming here, and I thought I was ready, but when it hits, it HITS. And I'm still a kid basically, even though I've been through some ->-bleeped-<- in my life already ( not trans related, that's the least of my issues so to speak ), but yeah. I'll still try to beg to be allowed to take a low dosage of the E pills I brought with me, cause this hair issue... Post op depression I can handle, but post hair loss depression I don't  think so ;o Like I said, I only got my hair falling out under control prior to coming here, so there's not much left to fall out.

It's night time there so, tomorrow. Show Ms Som the pills and ask her if it's OK to take it. I'm not too sure if they'll allow it since you just got out of surgery 5 days ago. They might not let you because they're afraid of dvt or side effects of the E and you know, like most nurses who's under your care, if something bad was to happen to you because they allowed you, then they'd be responsible.

Quote from: Poison_Ivy on December 09, 2014, 08:52:48 AM
I've just been crying for hours at this point... I knew it was gonna be painful and  I thought I was prepared but once you're actually going through it, it's horrible... I wanna go home so much I still have to spend 19 more painful days here and the thought alone is killing me. What did I get myself into. My hair is greasy and it's been falling out in insane amounts. I know I haven't washed it in 5 days, but I brushed it out today and it was so so much hair... and everytime I touch it there's like at least 3 hairs left in my hand. I'm gonna beg the nurses to allow me to take some E again, I can't get out of this mess bald :/ My hair has been thinning out since this fall for different reasons, and I just got it under control. I feel like I'm going insane, like I'm in a nightmare :/ And back at the clinic I thought I was gonna be fine, and then when I first got back to the Rama I was very mobile and stuff... but now... crap :/ This thread has kind of turned into my diary, but so be it. Maybe my decision to do this was premature, but it's too late now. I'm just gonna sit here and cry in a pile of my own hair.

Oh sweetie it's OK,  I know how you feel I was there, not at the Rama, but I was there.  And my god Yea the hair,  you have to remind d yourself all this is hormonal, I know it's freaking you out,  when I went,  I went alone.  Ask them to allow you to get a patch, don't and I stress do not take the pills,get the patch it won't hurt you like pills can, also as soon as the catheter comes out you can shower and my god it will do amazing things for your stress level, I promise    I wish I could be there to hold your hand and give you a hug because your post reminded me so much like my self. 
If you haven't read this https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,137331.msg1105929.html#msg1105929
Please do it was a day by day blog of my trip, and towards the end you should see some similarities, now I didn't have to momentary regret as it was something I had to do to save my life but the first day dilation, the greasy hair, Yea that sucked/sucks.  The dilation only really sucks for the first week but then it gets better.  Did you start on dilator #1?,  I was so swollen Sri (the nurse) had to make a makeshift #0 out of a candlestick.  Just image what went through my mind, I was so scared when I couldn't get the #1 in, I felt I Had failed and I would never be able to date, but it all got better in fact I bought bigger dilators!  Anyway please read my posts I linked,  if you want to talk to me sweetie, I'm here and you can pm me for my email if you want.  It WILL BE OK!! Remember that!  Hugs!!

Oh Yea if you can't pm me just ask me to pm you I think you can receive messages at least.

Oh and Jojo when did miss Som start going and visiting, I thought she just handled the office work,  unless you are referring to Sri.

Relax.
I know it is easy to write - and hard to do. But the more you can relax the easier the next few days will be. And once you get into the swing of things then life will be easier.

I used Calico's guide when i did my surgery in july (my write up is also in the post op section somewhere). The discomfort when getting swabbed inside was ya-ouch but the dilation was easier. Just remember the most important point:
Your speed of recovery is not a competition. There is no competition but it is easy to feel an unnecessary pressure.
Your dilation is easier if you relax and think of something else...
Srs recovery is a marathon and not a sprint. Take your own time.
Trust Ms Sri . She has a lot of experience. And yes she will push you a little, not to be unkind, but like a mother, trying to get you independant.

Hormone patches should be discussed if you are having anxiety issues. Make sure you get a lot of sleep, and just allow your body to recover. The removal of the catheter is going to be uncomfortable, but once it is over, and you relax and pee for one or two times, you will feel so much better. And actually i was allowed to shower with the catheter after packing was removed, so just ask.

Finally, lots of us have been through this. We dont try to patronize, but really, relax. It will all be right and the more you can relax, the easier and quicker you will be on your feet again.

Good luck

Quote from: calico on December 09, 2014, 12:11:29 PM
Oh Yea if you can't pm me just ask me to pm you I think you can receive messages at least.

Oh and Jojo when did miss Som start going and visiting, I thought she just handled the office work,  unless you are referring to Sri.

I'm soo sorry. My mistake, I meant MS. SRI! LOL. Omg I feel so dumb now hahaha. Thank you for correcting me lol

Quote from: jojo702 on December 09, 2014, 02:32:23 PM
I'm soo sorry. My mistake, I meant MS. SRI! LOL. Omg I feel so dumb now hahaha. Thank you for correcting me lol

oh its no biggy, in the whirlwind of things its so easy to forget names. I remember all of them because they were so nice to me, and because I had came there with pre-existing medical problems that may of caused complications, we all had to go over many things. one thing I was so jealous of a lot of girls was the epidermal block, as I didn't get that  on fear of the possible complications and omg the pain when I finally came around, they actually kept me sedated for a little bit after surgery and the anesthesiologist actually mad a couple pain cocktails which relived a lot of it. I know a lot of girls puke right after surgery but I puked because of the unbearable pain. I never ever want to feel that pain again...well actually I did again this year unfortunately 


oh and Ivy  hang in there babe, you got a whole bunch of sisters that are here for you, trust me on this!

Thanks everyone... This depression is really pissing me off. I feel as if nobody from my life even cares I'm here, my family doesn't contact me, my friends rarely do and the guy I'm interested in is ignoring me. I asked Sri about the estrogen patch but she said it's normal, and it'd be bad for me, but I'll keep asking. Today the swelling went down a bit and the area looks somewhat ok and presentable, and I didn't even feel the swabbing this time.

My life is a mess, I'm doing everything at once, afraid of wasting anymore time. I just wanna be "normal". And have a happy life and positive experiences for a change.

update: calico, I read your thread and the future seems rather optimistic... but I just want to be out of here and back home so bad. My first dilation is tomorrow and well... the swabbing didn't sting so maybe it won't hurt so bad? I just want it over with, the waiting is the worst part of it all. You mentioning dilating in the shower gave me hope, since I'm going full stealth after this and such scenario is rather likely for me

If you dilate in the shower be sure to be fairly healed up,  don't want you hurting yourself ,  also this really isn't post op depression,  i had it roughly 2 months after surgery and tried to take my life... Lost a bunch of friends over that to.  What you have is bad hormones and if those were normal you'd most likely not be stressing so bad.  When Sri comes tomorrow remember to breathe that's the must important thing also tell her the candlestick girl said hello.  Lol

Hi
I have no wish to get into a debate here but I simply do not understand the reasoning being put forward by certain people here regarding starting on hormones again post surgery. If I have followed correctly, if you complain enough about depression the medical staff is OK with you starting again but otherwise is not?

Personally, I avoided the argument, reasoning that I had been already been though two major surgeries (FFS1 & FFS2), each lasting over 7 hours without stopping hormones at all with no consequences. Therefore, as I was feeling really sxxt a week post surgery,(hot flashes, feeling very oppressed, terrible sleep...)  I started again on one third of my pre-surgery level (subligual, not patches) . I did not ask anyone's permission to do this, I just did it.

If I had been completely immobile I would certainly have hesitated more but to the extent that one is mobile, I would see no significant risk of DVT on low dose of E. As many people have asked before, if normal female levels of E were that big a problem how could anyone operate on cis-females?

In my own case, I immediately felt much better after I started the hormones again and, as those we read my account of my experience with Chett have seen, I actually had a very enjoyable stay in Bangkok post surgery. The breast massages I had to do were actually far more of a nuisance than dilating which was no problem at all. I was already on dilator N° 3 after just a little over 2 weeks.

The fact of the matter is we all have our own experience which involves a certain amount of adaptation. Therefore it is not because any of us had such and such a problem that the next person will have the same issues. It is also not because so and so had no problems that the next person will have no problems. Given this, other than very general and obvious stuff like taking medication and doing your dilations, I believe we should tread very carefully when it comes to saying either you should never do this or that or that you should always do this or that.

I think it is probably more helpful to say, for this problem, this is what I did and these were the results I got. Afterwards, the recipient can make up their own mind on the best course of action.

Wishing you all the best Poison Ivy and don't worry, if you have no major complications, these few weeks will be behind you much faster than you imagine now.
Donna

Today I felt a bit better. I haven't cried since this morning and then slept for the rest of the day.
An unpleasant surprise when I went into the bathroom in the morning was my first ever encounter with a cockroach. It was in the shower, and I just started screaming and I ran ( yes I ran ) to grab a shoe to kill it xD I had never seen a cockroach prior to that so it was traumatizing
I added breakfast service to my room and the breakfast they gave me was so huge, I've been eating it all day. And I could still make sandwiches. Well worth the price, I might not even need to get too much groceries with this breakfast, since I'll be ordering KFC and pizzas, and refrigerating the breakfast xD Which is what I'm gonna do tomorrow when they remove the packing, the minute the nurses leave I'm getting a pizza.

Hmm what else... well my first dilation is tomorrow and I don't know what to expect. From what I've read, the swabbing and the removing of the tubes post op was supposed to be super painful. And yeah, the first swabbing did sting, but today I didn't even feel it. And when they were removing the tubes, it didn't hurt so much ,it just burnt a little once they were out. So how is it gonna feel? I'll report back.

I don't think the nurses like me so much. I don't know if I don't come across as friendly, but when they're here I'm definitely down to the point. I'm just kinda awkward, I don't know what to say and what questions to ask. I just stay quiet and do as I'm told. I also got a little frustrated back at the clinic, when Sri was telling me 'relax because breathing', so I just started taking deep breaths, but what she meant was 'bleeding', so I corrected her and I think she got upset about it.

So as I was writing this post, a lizard fell from the AC machine on to the floor. Seriously? How am I supposed to have a worry-free recovery with cockroaches and lizards. I screamed again,got up immediately, started pressing random numbers on the phone and somehow called the lobby and demanded a different room. So while I'm supposed to be resting and regaining energy, I have to run around killing cockroaches and switching rooms. I'm in the room nextdoor now, but I'm extremely fed up and paranoid, every noise makes me jumpy.
When I called the lobby I quickly put on some underwear without a pad so the staff wouldn't see my private parts, and when I took it off there was a bit of blood.
Am I prissy and demanding for not wanting to have insects and reptiles in my room when I'm recovering from a major surgery?

I'm afraid all this is gonna disturb my recovery, I'm in bed most o the time and I only get up to get something from the fridge or empthy the cathater, but today there were 2 of those extra curricular episodes that were not planned, nor were they peaceful and stress-free for me. I WANT TO BE HOME. Lizard and cockroach free.