So I think I am definitely trans, and I don't know why it started in my twenties and not at age 4, but now I have to deal with this before it destroys me mentally, spiritually, and physically. One of my fears is that when I get to the right point, I will somehow not be approved for surgery because I wasn't like this as a child, or while I think my genitalia are kind of gross, feel a little out of place in the sense that I should have a vagina there, and I should be able to have sex like a woman does, I haven't done anything like putting a knife to my myself like some people do and will not be considered "crazy" enough to be approved. Maybe my fears don't reflect how things really work, but I am afraid I will be forced to live my life with the wrong parts because I will be "gate-kept" by men who are horrified at the thought of losing a penis, rather than be helped by women who would be horrified at the thought of having a penis.

I wouldn't worry about the age four thing I know it didn't apply to me either and hasn't been an impediment to my transition.

Okay, but I am afraid I will be treated as a man who wants his junk removed (read: insane person) rather than as a woman who wants a serious birth defect corrected.

I can relate to that fear, Rachel. I'm the same (only it took much longer to acknowledge). I believe that the medical profession is beginning to understand that trans* biographies are very different, and that's ok. A great number of factors could have contributed to us not knowing at four (repression and internalized transphobia for one).

I read an article recently (in German unfortunately) and although there were a few things I didn't like about it, one take-away for me was: the author explained how the strict legal/medical regulations of the past forced trans* people to tell their story in a way that would get them approved for surgery. You couldn't voice any doubt, you had to have "always known". What happened of course is that when these trans* biographies were studied what researchers found were the standard narratives. So there was a feedback loop between regulations / perceptions of medical professionals and how we feel we have to present ourselves. This is vicious circle is fortunately breaking up. That's why it is so important to get our individual stories out there.

Not knowing at four doesn't mean you're less trans!

Where would I find therapists and psychiatrists that are more up to date. I live in Indiana and there are not all that many psychologists (my first appointment  is with a psychologist) who deals with trans issues, even if they understanding and accepting and deal with LGB issues.

Hi Rachel,

I'm also in Indiana, I sent you a PM!

I wouldn't worry too much about the gate keeping thing.  From what I've seen so far the medical community is largely moving past that, even here in Indiana.  None of us are exactly alike, nor do we come to realize who we are in exactly the same way!

It's not a big issue. I was just the same and whilst it did come up with my Psychiatrist he eventually diagnosed atypical gender dysphoria. Oh well, that's what the WPATH Standards of Care say about diagnosis. I don't care if he indicated I was a unicorn, as long as I could be a unicorn on HRT then I would be happy 

I kinda feel the same way, the bit about that I don't self harm so I won't be considered "crazy" enough... But if I think about the tons of bottles of liquor or countless ciggs I sucked down trying to mask my feelings, it's just as bad.

Quote from: BreezyB on December 15, 2014, 02:32:31 AM
I don't care if he indicated I was a unicorn, as long as I could be a unicorn on HRT then I would be happy 

lol, exactly!