So here I am, 8 months into HRT, having made massive progress, growing pretty sizable breasts in an amazingly short time, my face changed, my mental status improved immeasurably and life being pretty good in general. I feel more like I'm me and even voice training is going better than expected. So overall I'm very happy about how things are going and am looking forward to taking more steps towards passing since I'm at the moment in a pretty grey area where people are mostly confused by me (which I have to admit to being pretty entertaining at times).

However, I'm finding myself more and more feeling this overwhelming battle fatigue. The problem is that this is a 24/7 battle more or less and I've found that even the victories and small accomplishments are starting to feel pretty rough. Because even with a victory, it's a reminder that there is a battle going on. If I see myself being fairly happy about the image staring back at me on the mirror, I can't help but feel that I this shouldn't be an issue either way. It gets tiresome.

Probably not a unique feeling. Any tricks on how to battle the battle fatigue?

Sometimes I get a bit tired of the extra effort needed to live my life.  Then I ask myself, "Would I prefer my old life?"  That always solves that problem.

Yeah, that's how it goes with me as well. But every now and then I wish I could have a day off from having to do this battle. I tried a couple of weeks ago, but I'm cisfailing hard, which actually is a good thing, but still a bit annoying right then.

It sort of sounds like yo are not full-time yet, yes?

If so it also sort of sounds like you passed the point of male-fail and are fooling only yourself about passing as a guy.

I think Joanne might be right. The battle may be more about you having the brakes on when in fact it's time for full speed ahead. I know I started to feel fatigued when I was switching between modes and knew I wanted to stay in girl mode. Went away once I transitioned to full time. That decision is yours 100% of course but might be worth considering...

Yeah, I'm not full time yet. To me, the whole concept doesn't really apply, since I'm just being me and I don't think about boy- or girl-modes, I'm just on a me-mode 24/7. Which at the same time is quite nice because that's a natural way for me to be, but it does create confusion for people because of the point that I'm on. I don't think I have breaks on, but then again, maybe I do. It's really hard to look at how people see me from the outside and how I'm being read.

The only place I do have breaks on somewhat is at work. I have a 6 month contract where I work and since I entered there about 6 months in, everybody read me as male and I didn't really want to make a scene out of myself so that's what I've been so far, but it's causing some interesting situations at an ever increasing rate. I don't know how to deal with them, they're already used to seeing me as I am and gendering me male, so they haven't even noticed my voice changing, which is odd.

I don't know. People are more and more freaking out when I'm around and sometimes I seem to be passing just fine. Today I had my hands full of stuff when I was out and about and a young man almost rushed to open the door for me, which was a very new social situation for me. At the same time I was a bit worried if there was going to be something unpleasant that was going to happen when/if he realised what I am.

Difficult. Interesting. As I said, I'm extremely glad and grateful it's finally happening. But it's freaking me out now that it is.

The first few times somebody referred to me as "a lady", that freaked me out a bit.  But I decided I didn't mind too much.  And every time it happens, even now the thrill hasn't worn off.