I really don't knw what to do with my life. I have suicidal thoughts as well. My sex assigned at birth is female. But I don't feel like a girl. I feel like a boy, most of the time... anyone can help?? 
And i have this hugee crush on this girl, who loves me too(only wishes to take me as her sister). Hmmmmm
I really wnna spend the rest of my life with her.. and i dnt want to be a girl.. i mean i dnt have any problem with my boobs or.... (u can guess) i mean, i dnt hate my boobs or i dont think like 'this is not a part of my body'. But i just dnt feel right being a girl.. i want to identified myself by others, as a guy. Not a girl.

vish, I'm really sorry for the hardship you're going through. A lot of us on the forum have felt similarly, and it can be very difficult working through these feelings. Know that things can get better. You won't always feel as bad as you do now. And there are a lot of people willing to help and support you.

I wanted to post some resources for help with suicidal thoughts. Please seek out whatever help you need. There are a lot of people who want to help.

Here's a post I've always loved and is the closest thing to a sacred scripture to me (http://zenhabits.net/perfect/). You're already perfect.

If you call one of the numbers and it does not work, please get the help you need from another hotline or your country's emergency number (in the U.S. and Canada, call 911; in the U.K., call 999 or 112; in Australia, call 000; in the E.U., call 112).

United States

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

The Trevor Project
1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386)
For LGBTQ youth (minors and young adults).
Toll-free and available 24/7.

Kristin Brooks Hope Center
English: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA (1-800-784-2432)
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.

National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-HOPE (1-800-442-4673)
Toll-free and available 24/7.


United Kingdom and Ireland

Samaritans
UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90
For anyone who is suicidal.
There may be a toll for these numbers, but they are available 24/7.


Canada

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (U.S.-based but available in Canada)
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

Ontario
Distress Centres Ontario maintains a list of distress lines by region. Go to http://www.dcontario.org/centres.html. These numbers appear to be toll-free if you call from inside the designated area.

Québec—Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
514-723-4000
Toll-free if you call from the same zone; available 24/7.

Québec—Outside Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
1-866-277-3553 (1-800-APPELLE)
Toll-free and available 24/7.

New Brunswick (CHIMO Helpline)
1-800-667-5005
Toll-free provincial helpline is available 24/7.

Alberta (Distress Line of Southwestern Alberta)
403-327-7905
Toll-free if you are in the same zone; 24/7.


Australia

Lifeline
13 11 14
Charged as a local call; toll-free for mobile phones; available 24/7.

Samaritans
1-800-198 -313
Toll-free but may not be available 24/7.
08-9381-5555
Available 24/7 but may not be free.

Suicide Call Back Service
1300-659-467
Charged as a local call; available 24/7.


International

Go to www.befrienders.org and choose "International." A drop-down menu allows you to choose your country and find a helpline. In the United States, you get a further drop-down menu that allows you to choose by state.

Or go to http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html and scroll down until you find your country's link.

Hey, it's ok! You're not alone. Do you want advice on coming out to your crush? On passing as a guy in general?

It's ok if you don't feel 100% guy all the time or have no problems with your female bits. Everyone experiences their gender differently.

Call one of the numbers that Julie provided if you want someone to talk to in real-time. Here is another lifeline for transgender people specifically. http://www.translifeline.org/

Thanks heaps for your reply #Gothic Dandy & #julieL
And hey! I dont have any problems with this girl. I mean, she already knows what im goin through and is really understanding. But this is soo hard for her also. And the thing is, she do love me really alot, but she's afraid or something, to take me as her boyfriend.

And i havent come out to my family yet too.. i dont know.. im  afraid what will be their reaction.. i mean im in a south asian country to add more..

I totally understand the fear of coming out. I've only told my therapist and my wife. They've both responded wonderfully, but the thought of telling my parents/brothers/friends/colleagues is still really scary.

A lot of people on here have been through similar situations, though. So feel free to express and explore those feelings here.

Remember that the rest of your life could be a pretty long time! If you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl, you don't need to rush into anything romantic. Give her time, and give yourself time as well to figure things out. Perhaps as you get older, and if you decide to transition as you progress with that, she will want to be in a romantic relationship with you. Perhaps you will meet someone else but the two of you will always be close friends. Who knows what the future will hold?

I identify as male but I don't have too much of a problem with my body. If anything, I disliked my body more when I thought I was meant to be a woman. It only really bothers me when it stops other people from seeing me as male. You can be a man without hating your boobs. Although if you don't feel like a boy all of the time you might want to look into non-binary identities and see if there is something that fits you more?

Frances

Hey Vish

Welcome to Susan's Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

If you are feeling suicidal please find someone to help and support you. I'm not sure what services are available for the part of South East Asia you are in but there hopefully there is something. It would also help if you can talk to a gender therapist to talk about your gender identity and what you might do. Please stay safe.

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Cheers

Grace

Hey

Thanks all of you gor being so kind and understanding. (The site says im not allowed to send personal messages.. sorry for not replying to who sent me a personal message) mmm btw yeah thanks for your advise on my relationship prob. hmmm.. anyway the major probem i hav in my mind now, is telling my mother about this.. i dont think she will understand.. I'll be grounded for whole reat of my life..

vish, telling your mother may be difficult, but a lot of people here and elsewhere have been through it. Read up on coming out to your family. You could also take things slowly until you're more independent. There are options. Take the time to figure out what you really need.

In the end your mother loves you, and she can't want you to suffer like you've been.

PS: You can send PMs when you've reached 15 posts.