Ok i have to make the decision of when to tell my Dad about my transitioning
i have told a few people so far and have full support, 1 was a little hesitant but she came around
the problem with dad is that he has always been very vocal about his negative feelings about
transgendered people in general, although i am pretty sure he would accept it as he has stated before
that he would never give up on any of his children, i am not sure if this is the best time, we just lost my mom
a few months back and he has taken that extremely hard, my question is, do you think i should just sit him
down and tell him now or give him some more time for the hollidays to get over with when things settle down,
i travel for work so if i dont tell him in next few days or so then it will be another 1 1/2 months before i get back here,
i am to the point that i just want to scream and tell everyone so i can be myself but i realize with some people the timing
could be a matter of weather they are willing to deal with it or not want to even hear about it

It might depend on where you are with your transition and what you plan to ultimately do. Are you on HRT at the moment, are you about to transition to full time? My way of approaching it was that if I told them I identified as female but kept on presenting as male they would get confused so pretty much left it until I was ready to go full time. The thing is it is different for everyone and you will probably get a sense of when that is. There is no good or bad time to say it really, there is just "the time".

I'm still really early in sorting through my gender issues. I'm still presenting as a male everywhere, even on this site. But I've had a lot of experience talking about it. What I found was that it has gone best when I could "prep" the person for it first.

So for instance, when I talked to my wife about it last year, I first said, "I have something that I really want to talk to you about later on. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I'm really afraid you're going to reject me. It's a pretty big deal. Can you commit beforehand that you'll stick with me and not reject me?" I found that that eased the way for me to talk about it with her.

Last week I had a similar conversation with my teenage daughter. After reading some comments on here about how people have been so terribly rejected by their families, especially at the holidays, I was really torn up. So I said to my daughter, "I'm going through some really difficult stuff right now. I can't really talk to you about it, because I don't want it to create more stress for you. And I don't really even know what I'm going through. But a lot of people who are going through what I'm feeling end up getting terribly rejected by their families. I just want to know... even if I end up not being the strong dad you think I am..."

"You're always strong, dad," she said.

"Yeah, I know it might seem that way to you. But I don't feel that way right now. Depending on what happens, I just want to know that you won't reject me." And I started crying.

She hugged me and said, "I could never reject you dad."

So my advice is to broach the subject first by asking him to reiterate that he would never reject his children. And then say that you're dealing with something really difficult, and really hard to talk about, and you're really concerned about how he'll react. And then if he's open, you can tell him then. Or if not, you can wait.


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Quote from: Ms Grace on December 26, 2014, 03:54:32 AM
It might depend on where you are with your transition and what you plan to ultimately do. Are you on HRT at the moment, are you about to transition to full time? My way of approaching it was that if I told them I identified as female but kept on presenting as male they would get confused so pretty much left it until I was ready to go full time. The thing is it is different for everyone and you will probably get a sense of when that is. There is no good or bad time to say it really, there is just "the time".

Timing is everything

Bad time to tell - Showing up looking a LOT different next Christmas and say "Oh, by the way..."

Good time to tell - Before really going public. As in full-time, legal name changes, etc.. At that point you know for sure. It IS going to happen no matter what. Your mind is totally set that a change is happening that cannot be easily undone.

I am a living testament to you can be on HRT for years and still present as "Normal" as far as anyone else is concerned. If I went the totaly andro to fem dressing look, could grow my hair long, start doing light makeup etc. Sure people will know something is up. Someday I hope to be able to go back to part time or even full. Other circumstances prevent that from being realistic right now. I am blessed in having a third option when it comes to transitioning.

At a minimum I would wait till long after this holiday season and life returns to normal. If you say anything now, that is how Christmas of 2014 will always be remembered for good or for bad. At the earliest in a month and a half when you see him in person again. (I am not a fan of the dropping the T-Bomb by text or email to an important person in your life)

Just yesterday I fought hard the temptation to blurt out to my sister while on the phone with her about me, about what is going on my life besides the same ole same ole. A constant battle between "What's the point?" and "You are only as sick as your secrets".  We'll see how it goes New Years Day

I thank you for the comments and i do not believe in giving important news like this by phone
or emails either, he dont even have a computer lol, when i told my sister i let her know a week
before that when i got home i needed to talk to her about something very serious in my life and
i wanted her to hear me out before deciding how she would deal with it and that discussion went
very well, my dad on the other hand is a whole different creature, i been thinking of finding a
movie or something that would give me the opportunity to open up the subject and go from there.

I am not on HRT yet but am looking to get started soon as i can find a doc that will prescribe them for me,
as i drive all over the country for work its hard to keep long term appts. and all the doctors i call around home
do not work with transgender or they no longer do the HRT so if anyone knows of any around grand rapids MI.
that is willing to help me i would be very happy

As far as going full time, i have not, but i would seriously consider it after dad knows, the rest of family will be easy after him
i am 99% sure my kids will be ok with my decision and any family further out than dad and the kids i am not concerned
if they do or do not accept me, i am doing this for myself and i do plan on doing a complete transition, it is the only way
i will ever be truly happy