Hi all, Im very new to all of this. 2 months ago I finally accepted myself as transgender. ever since then, it's pretty much all I can think about 24/7.

I realize this is a huge life event, an entire identity has been locked away for all these years and Ive finally allowed it to come pouring out, so Im not surprised that it has completely consumed my thoughts.

however I would like to know if this obsession will eventually die down? I just want to transition and live my life. Ive always been very focused on my career and my art, and while Im ok with obsessing over my gender for the time being, Id like to eventually get back to focussing on the things I love.

thank you for any wisdom you can bestow upon lil ol me! <3

I feel the same way! So, no wisdom here! It has  been less than 2 months since I came out to my wife. She is also hoping that my obsession will calm down. I keep saying that, like anything new, it will take some time to 'normalize' behaviour. I hope this does happen and that I am not just fooling myself. It has been, overall, great for me and I look forward to 2015, the 1st year as the 'new' me.

Quote from: islandgirl on December 27, 2014, 10:58:22 AM
I feel the same way! So, no wisdom here! It has  been less than 2 months since I came out to my wife. She is also hoping that my obsession will calm down. I keep saying that, like anything new, it will take some time to 'normalize' behaviour. I hope this does happen and that I am not just fooling myself. It has been, overall, great for me and I look forward to 2015, the 1st year as the 'new' me.

thanks for the response!

thats exactly how I feel about it, its completely new and HUGE so i suppose its only natural to obsess. I just hope to get to a place where it can just be a part of me, and not all of me.

Im glad its been so great for you! i can definitely live with the obsession for now if it means realizing my true self

Hi Sonson,

First let me give you a welcome, and hey, glad your here.  As to your question, before even attemping my opinion on this matter, I just have to say how nice it is to hear the voice of reason and the need for perspective.

This forum is a place par excellence for recieving support, information, and many other helpful things.  Like any other life situation I believe surrounding matters suffer a bit once one forgets, chooses not to, or becomes too abosorbed, to remove the magnifing lens of introspection.  For me, this is a topic I am beginning to think about as more and more I have been noticing the shift away from matters that are considerably important to me.  Expected?...yes...OK?....yes, but I am arriving quickly to that point where I need to diversify my attention once again.

What makes this place (in my opinion) so very, very uinque and fantastic is the people who choose to remain here for the sake of others, not that they are not reaping their own rewards, I'm sure there is an immense pay off.  The variety of topics here make this a place to come back to over and over again.

Will I leave for good? never...am I content partially?...you betcha as the other matters in my life are important.  Do I owe this place anything? Yeah, my LIFE.   Dani

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on December 27, 2014, 11:18:57 AM
Hi Sonson,

First let me give you a welcome, and hey, glad your here. 

thank you!!

I definitely agree that this forum is extremely helpful, and I dont think spending a lot of time on here necessarily means that one is obsessed with being transgender. I appreciate anyone who spends their time here to offer support for others.

that said, I also dont think theres anything wrong the obsession either. Being transgender consumes a large portion of ones life, so I think its only natural to dwell on it considerably. (perhaps we're making up for lost time?)

either way, I hope to balance out my thoughts in time, which I assume (or hope) eventually happens for everyone at their own pace.

Its so nice to be able to discuss these things! so glad to be here

Once you get to a place you are comfortable with, you kinda stop thinking about it.

Obsession?  I'm not sure that's the right word for it, though I'll confess I think about it a lot.  In a way, you have to.

E.g., I'm just back from a Christmas visit to my son.  On the train, in the shops, in the streets, everywhere, I ran into people all over the place.  Now how exactly am I to interact with them?  It helps to remember what I am.

One incident in particular: I got to talking with some perfect strangers in a pub.  We had a nice chat, quickly became friends.  At one point, one of the lads asked me my name.  For the first time in a long time, I almost stumbled and gave him my old name.  I don't know why.  Maybe I was just caught off guard, hadn't expected anybody to ask me my name so quickly.  So it's a good idea to be thinking all the time.

In a way, I don't mind at all.  I love what I am now, so it's nice to think about it.  And furthermore, when does your average woman stop thinking about being a woman, and when does your average man stop thinking about being a man?  I know it's not a 24/7 activity, but they're reminded of the fact a lot.  I don't see why it should be different for us.  It doesn't mean you can't get on with your life.  It just means you'll enjoy it more because you're constantly aware that you're living it the way you want to.

Quote from: BunnyBee on December 27, 2014, 11:55:38 AM
Once you get to a place you are comfortable with, you kinda stop thinking about it.

Exactly this. And that place does not necessarily have to be fully transitioning, going full time, or whatever. It is where you are comfortable... today.  Grasp some low hanging fruit so you have a sense of accomplishment, that you are taking positive steps towards achieving your dream of becoming a whole person.

But I know all too well the obsession. I get paid well to "What if" things to death. To read the tea leaves. To sort out from a thousand ways of accomplishing a task, what is the best route to get from Point A to Point B. But I still have a hard time figuring out how that skill can even be applied to my life. Especially these days as I learn something almost every week what it is really like to almost be me.

Which is far better then not knowing I was obsessing on being "Normal" for well over 30 years. THat sort of obsessing is really bad for ones emotional well being.

Quote from: BunnyBee on December 27, 2014, 11:55:38 AM
Once you get to a place you are comfortable with, you kinda stop thinking about it.

that's comforting to hear 

Quote from: Foxglove on December 27, 2014, 12:01:27 PM
when does your average woman stop thinking about being a woman, and when does your average man stop thinking about being a man?  I know it's not a 24/7 activity, but they're reminded of the fact a lot.  I don't see why it should be different for us.  It doesn't mean you can't get on with your life.  It just means you'll enjoy it more because you're constantly aware that you're living it the way you want to.

yes, I assume it will always be a constant in my life and my thoughts, but at the moment Im having trouble focusing on anything else. I hope to get to a place basically where you seem to be, and where all cis people are, where gender is a constant part of your being, but not everything that you are.

thank you for the insight <3

Quote from: JoanneB on December 27, 2014, 12:09:41 PM
Which is far better then not knowing I was obsessing on being "Normal" for well over 30 years. THat sort of obsessing is really bad for ones emotional well being.

omg this a great point. I suppose in a way I was always obsessing over gender. before I accepted myself I certainly obsessed over trying to get rid of, or simply refusing to believe, these desires to be female. that only led to extreme anxiety and eventually suicidal thoughts. I will take anything over going back to that.

love yall. this path aint easy but its ours. youre all incredible to me.

I guess that I must have found my comfortable place fairly fast, but I've been questioning my gender since I was 10, so I may have found it a while ago.

I came out on the 4th of this month, and my thoughts sorta died down after I answered all of the questions that came pouring out of myself.

Quote from: Electric Fuzzball on December 27, 2014, 12:30:17 PM
I guess that I must have found my comfortable place fairly fast, but I've been questioning my gender since I was 10, so I may have found it a while ago.

I came out on the 4th of this month, and my thoughts sorta died down after I answered all of the questions that came pouring out of myself.

Thats another thing, Im not out yet to anyone but myself. The thought of coming out to others is still terrifying to me, and I dont want to rush myself to come out if I dont feel ready. However until I finally do come out, the fear of it will continue to hang over my head, which probably helps to fuel the obsession. perhaps once I get past that, my thoughts will finally start to calm down.

Yes, the thoughts will sort themselves out. Just be aware that it could get worse before it gets better. A lot of it will depend on many different factors. Acknowledging you are trans is the first (admittedly huge) step of many others (similarly huge) to come. Do you see yourself transitioning? Livining and dressing your identified gender? Taking hormones, etc, etc. No wonder it's hard to think of anything else! There are so many steps and options ahead. As each option is breached and choice made you essentially take that step and there is little need to think about it anymore. Personally I'd be looking to find a therapist or counsellor that I can talk these feelings and options through with before I started telling everyone around me.

Well my own personal experience - I accepted my transness just over a year ago (Halloween 2013).  I've been obsessing over it for pretty much that whole time lol.

It has calmed down slightly, and there's been periods where other things have demanded my attention and temporarily distracted me, but all the time that I've been able to think about it, I have been.  It's actually been very valuable, because I've used the obsession to ask some very hard questions about myself, the nature of gender, and even the world.  I've also used the time to "try things on for size" as much as my situation currently allows me, and start getting the cogs moving so that I can be in a better position to push the boundaries further and further in the future.

There's only so far theory can take you though.  There comes a point where you've just got to try it and see if it works.  The trick really is working out all the things that need to be done for full transition, and separate the reversible things (like clothes, makeup, hair style, hair removal etc) which you can play with now, and the irreversible long-term things.  The reversible stuff will take you a surprisingly long way and their power should not be underestimated.  These are not "all or nothing" things either - you can make your hairstyle "a little more feminine" (or masculine, depending where you're going on your journey). You can make your clothes / accessories etc more unisex / gender neutral.  You can apply a little subtle makeup that no one will notice.  You can remove body body hair on just your legs and body (places that are covered) so that it doesn't raise questions.

You get the idea all of this helps quench the thirst, and you feel like you're doing at least something towards your goal, and getting a sense of how it all feels.  Of course the down side is - if it feels good, you end up wanting more lol ♥︎

I don't know , I have quite a few obsessions . I spend my days thinking about mathematics , physics , Christianity . God , the universe , this math problem I want to eventually publish and at the moment I'm somewhat obsessed with ->-bleeped-<- . It's just part of my day.

Everyone is different.

Will the obsession go away? It can. It likely will not reduce by much unless you transition and start on HRT simply because Testosterone can really increase your obsession with transition. Remove T and the obsession tends to reduce greatly. In fact, many people stop transitioning because they think they have been cured only to discover that once they stop the meds, the need to transition returns with a vengeance.

On HRT, things like dressing and living as a female often just become normal and mundane, and I know that may be hard to believe without it.

So yes, the obsession tends to fade. It has for me. The new car smell wears off. Life returns to a far less depressing stasis. We tend to obsess over what we do not have so, once we have it...

It takes a leap of faith but it can go away in time.

As others have noted, it might. Sorry to be so vague but there's a lot there and a lot that varies from person to person.

The obsession for me began to die down the more I began to present female. My obsession about being trans is less now than it was but my focus has shifted to the other major aspect of my personal dysphoria - body dysphoria. I'm hoping the next 12-18 months will let me pursue GCS and put that beast to rest as well finally.

But honestly, we each have our own personal issues so if, how, and when it might subside necessarily must be an individual thing.

Eventually when you've overcome the obstacles which you can, and accepted those which you could not, life evolves past transitioning into existing... then finally humdrum everyday living.

Then,  everyday is filled with usual problems cis people face. Workplace issues, family issues, etc. Pretty satisfying, really

yes the obsession will die down
mine recently died and it took about 6 months for me to be fully comfortable
c :
it will go away no worries c :

Following this one closely.. I'm the same.  Always had feelings of this, etc.. but only this month since had I made the decision to accept that I am possibly transgender and that there is something I can do about it.  Ever since then it's been in my head 24/7.  So much obsession, getting a little unhealthy I think..

At first yes, I was all I could think about, and the three week wait for approval to transition at work drove me to distraction.

But yeah, 6 months on, my focus has shifted entirely.

The abrasive past/present introspection has passed, and I am now on the cool shores of the future :~) The breaking surf is both refreshing and enticing.

Life is all about attitude x