Okay so my girlfriend is transgender (mtf) and I'm a cisgender girl. She's going to be joining me at my college next fall. She went there before, but she took a semester off. She hasn't come out at school yet, but has come out to many of her friends. She's planning on coming out, and being openly trans when she goes back to school in the fall.

I told her that she should be allowed to use the girls' bathroom, and that I would talk with the school about it if she wanted to have that option. I mean, she is a girl so it would make sense. But she told me that she's not sure if she'd feel comfortable utilizing the girls' bathroom.

I personally think it would be much safer for her to use the girls' bathroom instead of the boys'. Not only because girls are less likely to physically harass her, but also because I think it would help her as far as living authentically full time. I also think I should accompany her to the restroom (at least in the beginning) in case people start harassing her.

Above all, I just care about my girlfriend, her safety, and her well-being.

Do you think I should encourage her to use the women's restroom? How do you think I should handle this?

Thanks. Much love. ❤️

Certainly if she is presenting as female she should have that option. For many m2fs though it is a matter of confidence and those first few times can be freaky. Since I'm not sure what exactly you mean by bathroom in this instance, is it toilets only or also showers? If it included showers I can understand why she would feel particularly vulnerable about going in there unless there was a lot of privacy.

Oh. No it's just toilets lol. I'm talking about regular restrooms you would find in public places.

In that case I'd suggest you could "hold her hand" the first few times. Go in with her. Once she realises it's not a huge deal she'll probably be more relaxed and confident about using them.

Okay thanks for your input!

I wish I had the escort option available for me. Self confidence can only take you so far. Eventually the training wheels have to come off. Knowing someone is there to catch you sounds great to me.

Yes! Do this! And you're awesome and insightful for wanting to!

Okay well I'll have to talk with her more about it, but thanks!

I would encourage her yes. Like it seems to be the only safe option I mean being seen as a woman and heading off to the men's room is going to certainly if not out her lead to questions. My partner is also MTF and I would never feel comfortable seeing her go into the men's room it would totally worry me.....

That being said if she isn't really presenting as female the reverse is true.

I realise your girlfriend is MtF, but as a pre-T, FtM, newly-out guy I thought maybe an alternative perspective on transitioning might be helpful. I recently started using the bathroom of my identified gender, but not without freezing and bailing last minute for several weeks beforehand, worried that I wouldn't pass enough to "fit in" and not risk my safety.

If your girlfriend is still uncomfortable using the women's restroom, I can't recommend pushing it (to the point of discomfort for her, I mean). Personally, mentally transitioning was primarily hindered by my fear of binary gender presentation and wondering if I hit the mark. Perhaps she feels a similar societal pressure? Going in with her at first might help a lot; I only wish I'd had a guy friend I could have done that with, if only for the first time.

Whatever the case/decision, I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck and a great college experience!