Quote from: sonson on December 27, 2014, 10:44:08 AM. . . I would like to know if this obsession will eventually die down?

Short answer - no, not if you ignore it.

But face it and it'll start to be less of an issue.  Therapy is always a great place to start, and from there you'll be able to figure out what'll alleviate the constant obsession.  For me, it ended up being a trial run of low-dose HRT (which has ended up being a not-trial-run of high-strength HRT).  But stick a toe in the water and see where it leads.

Yep it will. Before the dust settled and I had a lot of big steps to make transition was so often on my mind. Now I can go days without thinking about the fact that I am trans.

Pretty much when HRT does its job and you start looking in that mirror and seeing a woman and nothing else
The worries will melt.
Lets be honest most woman dont look too hot without makeup and nor do I so I dont let that bother me much when im about the house.

If i go out simple shave a weeeebit thanks to lazer c : and slap on foundation or w.e. you do and go out!
6 months seems to be the mean time period in this thread.

A little more than two years ago I obsessed on not accepting myself and suppressing. Then I abscessed on getting help, then HRT and coming out to my wife and a few others. Then I shifted to optimizing my HRT then laser now hair restoration and electrolysis. I will be focusing my attention obtaining a Psychologist letter for FFS and GRS. Then the insurance company to pay for FFS then going full time.

When I look back, all those things I have done are behind me and never cross my mind. Just the challenges ahead I focus on. Last year I was not obsessing on getting a third letter or planning for future procedures.  Just recently laser and IM were an issue now it is past. I really must get my head hair fixed and electrolysis on my beard. Soon they will be done and past.

I think forward motion and accomplishments and HRT help keep the wolves at bay.

Yes, it probably will. I was the same early in transition, and it was hard not to think about trans-related stuff very frequently while I was transitioning... but now, 5+ years later, I often don't think about it unless something reminds me (and then it's not an "obsession" type thinking, if that makes sense). Which does happen more often than I might like, but at the same time, a large percentage of my life is spent as an ordinary boring middle-aged woman with the usual concerns like running errands and cleaning up around the house etc.

I find that the only time I don't think about it or related topics is when I am concentrating on work during the day.  That is though most of the working day. It would/will be nice when I can't relax and just be me.

I've just read through all of your replies. thank you all so much for your insight, it really means a lot.

I think the majority consensus here is that through time and transition, the constant thoughts on being transgender can eventually calm down from an obsession to a manageable level, which is comforting to hear.

I definitely need to just continue to move forward at a comfortable pace. focusing on only one step at a time, my next step being to seek a therapist.

felt very low today. met up with a girl I used to know, the only person I had ever kissed. she threw me so many signals that she wanted to hook up again, but it all made me feel very.. empty.. like, I used to think that all I really wanted was a girlfriend and sex, things I never had. now Im presented the chance, and it makes me feel nothing, aside from anxiety. I realize that a girlfriend would not have made me as happy as I used to think it would, but for some reason it felt alien and sad that I've lost those desires... Im just feeling consumed by all of this. I know I shouldnt worry myself with it. Im sure I just need time to learn more of my true self and re-learn what my true desires may be, be it a girlfriend or something else, but idk im just having trouble with it all right now. I guess some of the comfy walls I built through denial are still crumbling down.

sorry to spew my emotions like that, I guess this is exactly why I should find a therapist 
after this rough day, reading all of your responses was very uplifting and exactly what I needed. thank you all just for existing ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Quote from: Alysinspace on December 27, 2014, 06:58:59 PM

6 months seems to be the mean time period in this thread.

Alysin ... I think that might just be right.

6 months and 3 days here. I was skeptical, don't worry ...

But I've just put on my teddy and I cannot believe what I am seeing ...

*I used to look like a football hooligan!!!* :~o


Wow ...

Quote from: Hanazono on December 28, 2014, 01:50:49 AM
I'm sorry you feel this way

take some time to sort out your feelings before being in a relationship. This way, you will be able to enjoy the relationship more. Someone wise told me, that we should love ourselves first, to fulfill that need to be loved. THen we will be ready to gift ourselves to others without being emotionally needy.

I agree I am not ready for a relationship right now, the only reason I met with her is because she reached out to me. I had no intention of doing anything other than talking, but these feelings just hit me hard while I was with her, and it caught me off guard.

That is definitely some wise advice, thank you

Quote from: sonson on December 28, 2014, 05:49:21 AM
I agree I am not ready for a relationship right now, the only reason I met with her is because she reached out to me. I had no intention of doing anything other than talking, but these feelings just hit me hard while I was with her, and it caught me off guard.

You two obviously had some close relationship, yes? Good friends at the very least? This is generally a sad and lonely time of year for most adults. Lots of reminiscing, pinning for the 'Good ole days', etc.. What if'ing the decisions or circumstances of years ago.

So... What if you came clean to her the other day? She seems to have taken a big chance on being rejected, but not really in her emotional mind because she was just sort of hinting.

Depending on how comfortable you are with even thinking about this idea of mine you may want to give it a shot. A case of "You are only as sick as your secrets" vs exposure, vulnerability, possible humiliation? Or just a ho-hum response?

Full Disclosure - I am the Nobody needs to know nuttin camp. I still present male and as long as I keep my top on I am OK. Though I keep wrestling with telling my sister, the only sort of family I have left. Lucky(?) for me she didn't pursue the openings I dropped in her lap about 'The crap going on in my life' when I called her on Christmas day. I DO NOT want to feel SHAME and the guilt. I still get thoughts that this is something I can beat. Been there, done that to. It won by turning me into a lifeless, soulless, wretch of a human.

Quote from: sonson on December 28, 2014, 12:30:07 AM
...sorry to spew my emotions like that...

Welcome to womanhood sweetie - get used to that!  ♥︎

Quote from: sonson on December 28, 2014, 12:30:07 AM
...thank you all just for existing ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Awww ♥︎*Hugs*♥︎

Oddly, that's exactly the phrase I've used several times on here lol

Quote from: JoanneB on December 28, 2014, 07:44:04 AM
...So... What if you came clean to her the other day? ...

Oddly enough, I had exactly the same thought as I was reading.  It may help to talk to her and open up about all this if she's the sort you feel you can trust (which it sounds like she is but obviously you'll have to decide that for yourself).  Doing so would simultaneously let her know the reason why you didn't take her up on her subtle offer (i.e. "it's not you, it's me" is what you'll be essentially saying to her), and at the same time give her the chance to be there for you if she's really interested in a relationship.  For all you know, she might be pansexual or otherwise secretly attracted to trans* women

It never hurts to have an ally if you can find one hun ♥︎

Quote from: SarahBoo on December 28, 2014, 04:36:23 AM
...*I used to look like a football hooligan!!!* :~o...

Judging by your profile pic, I gotta say - pixOrDidntHappen! ♥︎

Quote from: ♥︎ SarahD ♥︎ on December 28, 2014, 04:28:18 PM
Welcome to womanhood sweetie - get used to that!  ♥︎

Awww ♥︎*Hugs*♥︎

Oddly, that's exactly the phrase I've used several times on here lol

thank you! talking with others who know what Im going through means so much, its made a world of difference so far ♥︎

Quote from: ♥︎ SarahD ♥︎ on December 28, 2014, 04:28:18 PM
Oddly enough, I had exactly the same thought as I was reading.  It may help to talk to her and open up about all this if she's the sort you feel you can trust (which it sounds like she is but obviously you'll have to decide that for yourself).  Doing so would simultaneously let her know the reason why you didn't take her up on her subtle offer (i.e. "it's not you, it's me" is what you'll be essentially saying to her), and at the same time give her the chance to be there for you if she's really interested in a relationship.  For all you know, she might be pansexual or otherwise secretly attracted to trans* women

It never hurts to have an ally if you can find one hun ♥︎

Yes, you and Joanne are not too far off, I considered doing that as well actually. But we really dont know each other all too well. We only spent a brief amount of time together about 3 years ago, and hadnt talked again until now. we never got too close because we were both moving to different states, and we only met up now because were both back in florida for the holidays. While it may have been nice to let her know, I figure theres no need since we still live so very far and kinda feel like strangers at this point.

as you said though, Im sure it would be nice to have an ally. Im considering reaching out to my cousin for that. we arent very close but apparently she (or he? not sure their preference. female at birth) was diagnosed with gender identity disorder at some point, so that may be a very understanding person to reach out to.

thanks again for the kind words  ♥︎

"felt very low today. met up with a girl I used to know, the only person I had ever kissed. she threw me so many signals that she wanted to hook up again, but it all made me feel very.. empty.. like, I used to think that all I really wanted was a girlfriend and sex, things I never had. now Im presented the chance, and it makes me feel nothing, aside from anxiety. I realize that a girlfriend would not have made me as happy as I used to think it would, but for some reason it felt alien and sad that I've lost those desires... Im just feeling consumed by all of this. I know I shouldnt worry myself with it"

From age 18 to 30 i went out with a lot of girls, overcompensating, but honestly something didnt feel right ever, and its bad enough lying to oneself let alone also lying to the person closest to you.
Sex is nice and all, but without a proper foundation it felt like you say, hollow. Plus theres the added guilt of stringing someone else along when they could be with someone whos genuine with them. It eats at you, just as the repressed TGness does. It becomes a voice that hates you in your min. So I think maybe you did the right thing in the past, I wish Id been as insightful. I just thought, oh, if im going out with a model or ballerina then I must be a great and true man. It was pure bull->-bleeped-<-. It didnt make me happy really and it didnt make these beautiful kind women happy either. You didnt miss out much. I feel very sorry for men who marry to fit in, and their wives, and then are in the impossible situation 20 or 30 years down the line of either transitioning OR keeping their marriage. Looks like hell, for both parties.

The only upside is many of these girls are still my friends, and confidants, which helped a lot breaking out of the wall id built round my mind. They become allies.
Now that you are the real you, I think youve every reason to find someone to love you and to love. It will be built on a firm foundation and could well lead to a very happy long term relationship (or just some good fun!)
x

As someone who suffered dysphoria bad but not unbearably so until recently, it became a total obsession, and was impacting every facet of life. Coming clean to my self that this was not going away and seeing the therapist helped heaps. Telling someone who I am for the first time, and having them say only positive things eased my mind greatly regarding the obsession that was consuming me. As suggested, find a good therapist soon.

Coming out to the wife, eased it even more, coming out to a friend after that even more so. As the walls I built came down, the obsession and fears dissipated. They are not totally gone, and never will be, but the dysphoria died down drastically,  and the drive to continue being me and just loving my family and life again is back.

I'm me, I like me, and that is what matters. I am a good person, parent, partner, and many other things. Obsessing over gender dysphoria was making me not someone I liked. It didn't take therapy for me to realize this, it took accepting who I am to just stop the constant noise that plagued me. Best of luck to you on your path.

whoops wrong thread lol..

In the beginning, I too was obsessed, thinking about myself and my transgendered nature. Slowly, the obsession died down and was replaced with calm and normalcy. For me, the calm came from acceptance from my friends, family, and coworkers of who I was. The obsession was based in fear, always thinking about it and wondering if others will accept me.

Quote from: sonson on December 29, 2014, 12:45:45 AM
thank you! talking with others who know what Im going through means so much, its made a world of difference so far ♥︎

I know what you mean.  I'm in a very similar position as you.  I've only recently accepted myself after 20 years of repressing it.  I get so giddy thinking about.  For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have life ahead of me, instead of missed opportunities in the past. 

I keep thinking of all the things I want to do and I obsess over it.  But I know it's a journey, a marathon, not a sprint.  For now I'm focusing on losing weight, dealing with body and facial hair, and coming out to my wife.

Good luck!

This obsession sounds familiar to me. Yes, eventually it will die down. The fase you're going through now was also the part in which I almost couldn't think of anything else. It started diminishing as I made progress in talking with therapists, going out in female mode and finally starting HRT. The more things get moving and you'll get to live life as you've always wanted, the less thoughts you'll have about being transgender.

Quote from: ChiGirl on January 05, 2015, 09:26:00 PM
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have life ahead of me, instead of missed opportunities in the past. 

This is also recognizable. It feels as if I've broken a lot of boundaries. Not only did I finally get to live as a female, I also got excited about building a life around it and live life the way I want in so many aspects.

As I have mentioned in the Doubting thread, I have "transitioning" permanently on my mind, have been for seems like forever. Now its constantly thinking about finalising transitioning and the extra things that will make me complete who I am.

However, becoming female (per say) has eased since all these years of HRT, with all the obvious changes, once the HRT starts working and you see all the changes slight or otherwise you tend to focus on other things, as "its in progress"

L Katy 

I'm about 4 months into this. I've been coming out to family/friends slowly. At a steady pace. In my free time it's really all I think about. I wouldn't call it my obsession as much as my hobby/favorite daydream. Google has been my best friend. So have random clearance sales on makeup.. and thrift stores.. lol.. Thrift stores I think are the best way to figure out what you look good in without breaking the bank. (If you're like me and are not comfortable trying them on in the store) Take the time to figure out what your goals are. I worked on that for the last year and have FINALLY concluded that I'm a girl and need to transition. Have fun with it! And good luck with your parents! I wish my dad would find my diary... haha