So as I realize day after day that I'm never going to be seen as a male by my partner, through my days of masquerading at my job and family life, I keep in my pocket my little android. My trusty sidekick, my android is always there to keep my mind occupied and distracted from the crushing reality of my existence.

I have been frequenting Grindr, the gay male meetup app, and I've got to say, it makes me feel less dysphoric, it makes me feel okay. I feel real, authentic and normal cruising on the app.

I've met a few guys that I've considered meeting in real life....a few for hookups, one as a purely platonic friend who seems to share a lot of common interests. As I get more and more dysphoric, I know I am going to end up meeting someone one of these days.

But I've got a fear of apps like this. And, well, of people in general.

I mean, what should I do, meet up at a coffee shop first, take their pic, and send it to my mom? Like seriously, what makes this situation safe?

They can always swing into full psycho mode behind closed doors, and what can I do if they have superior weaponry?
*sigh* What a lonely little life I lead.

Are you thinking of breaking it off with your partner/is your partner ok with this? If they can't accept it then getting away may be safer for you. Hang in there, you're a strong person.

Hooking up is fine, but Grindr isn't for dating. There are sites for dating. You def aren't going to meet someone easily for coffee on Grindr, it's purely for Hook ups.

Yeah, calling someone and telling them where you are is best. A pic isn't a guarantee. Tell them to call you after 30 mins to an hour or text. Set up boundaries with the guys that are the same

"Hey so I'm having a friend text me in 1/2 hr to check on me. I'm gonna take a moment to text them back when that happens."

Many people don't hook up with people who are first timers to hooking up with trans people, but if you don't  mind, set up the boundaries and enforce them. Stop them if they do something you don't like instead of enduring and be mindful of your surroundings.

Ditto what campenella said. All my knowledge of grindr is from a friend, so take it with a grain of salt.  he uses grindr strictly for hook ups. No friendship desired. 
Make sure a friend knows where you are.  Maybe have them install the app that can track your cell phone.  Like campenella says, the check in call is an important biggie.

Someone on this forum (can't remember who) is having luck with Cupid. I hear, the site is getting more trans* friendly? You could do a search to see how they handle it.

Sorry your dysphoria is hurting so badly.   I'm not out, the safe place/financial timing isn't right.  So I go for androgynous, even though I know I look female.  It helps me.   

I had to dress in girl mode over the holidays. It hurt.  I can't imagine having to be in girl mode every day.

As one writer to another, have you been writing?  I know I can't function well if I don't have my writing time, regardless of what I'm working on.  Even if it's just free association, I need that catharsis. 

Pulling for you.  Wishing you strength and measures of comfort when you need them most.

Chris

I've never had a relationship with a cis guy, only trans guys, which in my experience has been great.

If you find a trans guy who's looking for a hookup, I'd say they're more likely to be a safer option, and would also understand your dysphoria.

https://www.kitestring.io/

You sign up, put in your details, and it will notify people if you don't respond in a specified amount of time. It's free.

As has been said, Grindr really is a hookup app. If you're looking for something stable or casual dating, I would say that's not the place to go. That being said, I know a lot of cis gay guys that have used it with success in the past. For hooking up, NOT dates.

Either way, be careful and figure out a way to let people know where you are and when to start worrying about you, even if it is just for coffee. I've only ever dated women and other transguys, but even then I've made a point to let people know what I'm up to when I'm meeting someone for the first time. You can't be too careful in these situations.

In my area, I've heard some horror stories about transguys on grindr. Be careful. I'm sure other areas are better than mine, so you may be fine, but I know in my area, it's highly recommended transguys DON'T use grindr. So I'd try to find out more about your area specifically if I were you.

The tips I've heard from others:
Make sure someone (friend, family, etc) knows where you are. Tell them how long you'll be there. Tell them what to do if you're gone or don't come home. Maybe do a check in call at a scheduled time, and have instructions for if you miss that call.
I've also heard of an app, I don't remember the name, but basically it tells a friend where you're going and when you'll be back, the app tracks your phone, and your friend can see where you are. The app lets your friend call someone if you are not where you're supposed to be. If you've got smartphones, that's a good option.
Basically the big thing is have a person who knows what you are doing, and tell them that if you are not back/ haven't been heard from by a certain time, to call someone.

And if the person you're meeting with takes issue with any of these safety measures, then I'd be wary of them. For example if you told them you needed to check in with a friend and they didn't like that, I'd be a little worried. So in this respect, scheduling a check up call and informing the person you're meeting is a good way to judge whether or not they're safe. It can give you warning and a chance to leave if they may have bad intentions.

Anyone heard from Elio lately?