OK time, I thought to have a topic of how we make important decisions. They may be about, health, family, coming out, having surgery, not having surgery, to go FT or not. Anything.

Humans are rational (sometimes) creatures; we think. we can decide, we can change our opinion and decision quickly through any sort of feeling.

Many if us load here with 'how do I do this?' type comments, some of us make decisions quickly. I decided to go FT in a heart beat, it may have lasted 30 seconds, but it was a heartbeat. How did I make that? I don't know.

I'm booked for surgery in 57 days. Why am I happy, why do I have doubts, are they real? Or just normal nervousness.

How do we make decisions?

What is the process?

For me, time is the most important factor. If there is something wrong with my decision, it will come to me eventually. Also helps to talk it out with people, and write about it - makes it more likely that if there's a flaw in my thinking I will notice it.

Interesting topic . From what I have read, a lot of people avoid making decisions because they fear a bad outcome. Decisions may have a bad outcome, but the actual choice may be a good choice. It is important to separate the two. If you have a 90 percent chance of winning a contest and 10 percent chance on losing, odds are in favor of a person entering the contest. If you lose, it simply represents a bad outcome, not a bad choice. Many avoid making a favorable choice because of the fear an unfavorable outcome (risk averse).

I struggle with decisions every day when it comes to transitioning. It would be much easier if I simplified my decisions similar to what you did when deciding to go full time. Because of family reasons, I am risk averse. If it is not too much to ask, it would be great to hear back from you about your choice to go full time. What were the options? What were the consequences of each choice?  It reads as if choices and outcomes were limited which helped with your decision.

You have my respect for moving forward with the difficult decision of surgery. Do you feel that you making a good decision, but are worried about potential consequences?

Lastly, I apologize adding a number of TED talks at the end. It is like when I ask my parents about an important question about life, and they show a video. I do think the videos rally help to show how decisions can be complex.

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_ariely_asks_are_we_in_control_of_our_own_decisions?language=en

http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices?language=en

for me it depends on the magnitude of the decision. A decision to buy a rutabaga or  a beet  is a on the moment no thought coin flip.  A decision to have GRS is a life long pros and cons continuous mind boggling  looking at all the factors and realities involved exhaustively until the last possible moment then I either jump in the water or don't.

Great question. In general, I am very obsessive when it comes to decision making. I try to get as much information and advice as possible, often to the point of paralysis. I have a perfectionist streak that runs very deep and is a problem I'm working to overcome. It's hard for me to internalize the fact that, often, any decision is better than waffling indefinitely back and forth. ("If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice," to borrow from Rush.)

All things considered, the decisions related to coming out and transitioning have (so far) been pretty easy for me. It took me a long time to come to terms with who I am, but once I got that it was a matter of a week or two to realize there was no going back, and even less to know I need to start on the physical changes ASAP. For once, I'm listening to my feelings and what I "know" without endless second guessing. I "know" that I want to change my body as you are preparing to do, so that decision is all but made.

In my case, I don't know how I'll feel afterwards, but I know how I feel now and I'm not happy with my body. Deciding not to do something may feel like it's safer, but really it's just status quo. Since I'm not happy with the status quo, the uncertainty that leads to fear or worry about making a big change is less daunting. Either way, I'm going to have to learn to be happy and comfortable. I have a strong sense that it'll be easier when I have the body I feel I need, but I am absolutely certain it won't be any harder (internally) that way.

As Hume said, reason is a slave to the passions. Reason is procedural, linear, discursive, and deleterious -- a process of truth retention. It cannot give you goals, it can only show you how to accomplish them. When you're thinking about possibilities, you're being imaginative, creative, not rational. As Aristotle pointed out, the conclusions of reason are either necessary, or contradictory, but facts are logically contingent, and cannot be deduced, they're inferred, inductively, and imagined abductively.

The Buddha said that when we know what we should do, we shouldn't think about the difficulties of accomplishing it, or the troubles of doing what we know that we should. This is because to do so is to just create possible images, pre-conceptions, and expectations which may have absolutely no basis in reality.

We are creatures driven by narrative, our conscious memories are exclusively an autobiographical narrative. Photo graphic memories aren't actually a thing, people that have the best memories in the world, and can memorize large amounts of information quickly, use mnemonic devices, creating narratives, or stories that incorporate the information that they wish to memorize.

This is not to say that narratives aren't true, but it is to say that they most definitely don't have to be true. Narratives also high-jack the reward and punishment system of the brain, allowing us to override natural instincts in favor of the emotional, passionate force of a narrative. So be sure to take control of the kinds of things you tell yourself, and understand what is sometimes thought obvious reasonable predictions about the future are just guess work. Que sera sera.

So, when making decisions, I would put little to no emotional weight in imagined futures. Decide what you want right now, and take steps right now to achieve them. The psychological future never arrives, and the actual future is constantly upon us.   

To me there are no "Simple" decisions. Even buying an onion you have to make tradeoffs such as Red, White, Sweet, Spanish, size, perceived freshness, prior handling, etc..

Every decision comes down striking a comfortable balance between all the risks and all the advantages. For me analyzing, "What if'ing, Risk Analysis, is sort of an occupational hazard. Look at things from every possible aspect. Play out each and every scenario just one variable change may bring. What I call the "And then What?" game. Escalate that to a multidimensional problem now that you totally know the effects of one variable has. I get paid well for being good at it. Good, except when it came to me personally   

Fear... Fear of making a wrong decision for me, especially BIG SCARY Important ones where there are too many unknown. No way of knowing for sure what the ultimate End Game will be.  This not only resulted in Brain Freeze, it led to paralysis. Worse, destructive behaviors. It is soooo much easier to convince yourself your life sucks because you are a victim. Just ignore the bit about not doing anything to bring about a positive outcome. Much of this driven by feelings of low to negative self worth, shame and guilt.

I guess, Baby Steps is analogous to changing a single variable. I've become quite comfortable with taking Baby Steps. No major earth shattering total life changing changes. Just grab a hold onto some piece of low hanging fruit. If you like it, try another. And Another. Climbing into the tree branches for more begins to sound like a great idea when you already know you like what you are picking.

As for Stochastic question... In my case making a decision to even go full-time is beyond difficult. In fact, after 6 years of a lot of hard work on myself, therapy, HRT, having achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman, the decision is even harder to make today. My life is finally mostly working. I have options beyond Transition or Die. There are other higher priority problems I need to address like my wife's health and our finances. Both of which will take a major hit if/when I loose my job due to going full-time. (I know the drill. I was in management. I can be gotten rid of. "Legitimate Business Reasons" is all they need to say.) So I keep plugging away, grabbing the low hanging fruit. In another year or two, we'll see. One day at a time. Hopefully, I'll keep on avoiding hitting the wall and make a decision on my schedule

Hm. I usually stew and stew on something, get nowhere, then on an impulse do what my initial gut instinct was. LOL. I waste tremendous amounts of time with my thought processes for someone who so rarely changes his mind when the time for action comes. Honestly, I can only think of a few decisions I have come to regret, generally speaking once I do something I go full force ahead no regrets.

Some people are able to make decisions quickly I, even tough decisions. Others prevaricate over simple choices. Either way you have to be pretty good at weighing up the pros and cons, recognising the risks, using past experience and knowledge as a gauge. Even so I think a lot of it comes down to being able to go with gut feelings and to shrug off the fears associated with the outcome or failure. Many many factors are at play!

Stochastic\quote
I struggle with decisions every day when it comes to transitioning. It would be much easier if I simplified my decisions similar to what you did when deciding to go full time. Because of family reasons, I am risk averse. If it is not too much to ask, it would be great to hear back from you about your choice to go full time. What were the options? What were the consequences of each choice?  It reads as if choices and outcomes were limited which helped with your decision.

You have my respect for moving forward with the difficult decision of surgery. Do you feel that you making a good decision, but are worried about potential consequences?

I made the decision to go full time during a short conversation with a person working with me, she commented on what I was wearing, a tunic top and leggings, it was androgynously feminine but not totally female. She made a comment about it's nice to see a guy in something different to jeans and sweater. I could easily have brushed it aside, but my mind went very clear and calm, I realised it was time. I told her and then the 20 or so present that I was trans, and that when I next came to work it would be as myself. I did the next work day I wore a skirt and blouse. All the woman and most of the guys congratulated me and that was the end of it.

Risk? I could have lost my job 'eased out', and I need the money to support my wife. I could have been subject to ridicule, I didn't pass very well at all! I'm very well known throughout the health system I work in, my change went viral, and I could easily have been 'unofficially' discriminated against. My wife is in a full time nursing home, her carers could have ridiculed me which would have seriously hurt her. They have been lovely.


As for surgery, I'm good, just wish it was over. I worry since I've never been a patient, always the one giving care, not receiving it.

In thinking through this, I was aware that all of the important decisions in my life have not been very well thought through at all!

I proposed to my wife out of the blue.
I decided to emigrate in Australia as my ex-boss told me he was emigrating, I just looked at him and said, that's a good idea, I think I will as well.
I came out to my GP as trans during a routine blood pressure check up. Just blurted out, Oh can you give me a referral to this psychiatrist, he specialises in transgender clients and I am one. (I'd known my GP for 20 years or so and he knew me as a medical professional and colleague).

I have been extremely happy with the outcomes of these decisions so possibly going for it with the heart, rather than the head, is how I work!