So before I begin. I must admit that I'm very new to all of this, so if I use incorrect terms or language, I apologize.
All of my life I've been labeled the tomboy of the family. As a little kid I can remember getting upset when I reached the age that I had to wear a shirt during the hot summer days unlike my brothers. I hated anything pink or girly, always cried and threw a fit whenever I had to wear a dress or anything like that. I always preferred wearing my older brother's hand-me-downs to anything that my mother would buy for me. And eventually she just gave up.
I've always been more comfortable being one of the guys. I shop in the men's department. I play rough. But I just never really thought to hard about it. I just figured it was part of growing up with brothers. But when people would get confused about my gender or just assume I was a boy, it always made me smile. I just never really put two and two together.
That was until a few months ago. I was taking a poetry class and our assignment was to write a poem about our age and gender and title it such. For example, if you were a 19 year old male, your poem would be called "Men at 19". If you were a 30 year old female, your poem would be called "Women at 30".
So I sat down to start working on the poem...and I HATED it. I didn't like having to title it with "Women". I guess I've always been okay-ish with being a "girl" because it's what I grew up with. But making that step and calling myself a "women" just set off all of these red flags and uncomfortable feelings. So I started to really think about things.
And so I did some research. I watched youtube videos. I wandered around this site and other similar forums. I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning. And I've come to a conclusion. I couldn't stand calling myself a woman, because...I'm not one. I may have all the female parts but the similarities stop there.
I am...(deep breath) transgender.
But I haven't told anyone this yet. In my head I think of myself as a boy. And I'm starting to think of myself as Abram (Abe for short). I've always dressed masculine and keep my hair short, but I find myself more and more trying to make my physical appearance match what I feel inside (i.e. cutting my hair shorter).
But I'm not sure where to go from here...
