I'm living mostly full time as Damara.. people mostly use correct pronouns and name when addressing me, but I feel like something is off. I am feeling like a "farce of a woman" or something. I am feeling very self conscious and like I'm just a fraud human. I know that I have gender dysphoria and I need to transition, so not doing it isn't an option. But I wish I felt more genuine or something. I think a big part of these strange conflicting feelings are due to my not believing that others believe I'm a woman. Maybe it's still so new and I just need to give myself time to adjust! Anyway, just rambling! Does anyone else have any weird issue like this?

I think this is very common Hon. Remember we have been socialised as males, and our brothers as female. It takes a while to get over this and get being female under our skin.

But it does happen, and I think, at least for me is when 'passing' occurs. Looks etc don't matter, there are many ciswomen and cis men who 'don't pass  but they are comfortable in their skins so are accepted by society as their representing gender.

It just takes time, immerse yourself in a few female things you like doing. Get use to presenting as a normal woman in public - and in private! Look at how other woman do things and react to things. Engage in conversation with other woman and start to get your head around matters that are important to women.

Things are different between the genders. That doesn't mean a woman is a lesser person than a man, to be honest I am a far more effective person in all aspects of my life now that I am accepted as me. But it takes a while to get use to being you.

Hugs and Happy New Year

Hullo Damara ... sure, I go through that reasonably often.

I don't know if its easier for me or not, but I've taken to identifying as androgyne for now. All that really means for me is that I've relaxed enough to take the good with the bad, the boy with the girl :~o

I think yeah, trying to stay kind to myself has helped. I guess when I don't beat myself up over the way I am - just let it all do what it does - that makes me feel less anxious about my interactions in general ...

I think it will get better - take care

I did initially. But I had plenty of experiences that showed me otherwise. Having a day job meant that I had to sink or swim. And Cindy is right, it is our male socialisation that can run interference against how we see ourselves.

Quote from: Damara on January 01, 2015, 01:37:47 AM
Does anyone else have any weird issue like this?

Yes. Me. I've been living full time as a woman for a year and a half, but I still think sometimes I'm not "really" a woman.

It's OK. The opportunity to live as a woman is so amazing, that the question is irrelevant whether I am or am not or by whose definition.

My gender therapist agrees. She urges me not to try to define myself, and instead to decide how I want to live and to present myself to the world.

Hugs, Damara. You're all the woman you ever need to be.

Really.

I promise.

Long ago in my early twenties I twice experimented with transition. Both times I could not shake at all the feeling of some guy in a dress. Thirty some years later I found myself living part time and achieving my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.

Which, in actuality, the real life long dream was to feel the joy of simply being me. Finally feeling happy being my own skin.

I am not a real woman in every sense. I sometimes cry seeing moms with the young kids both in awe with the world and sharing what they see with each other.  I do have regrets over not having been raised, socialized, and taught skills that women typically are. I do not have regrets about the skills I did acquire which often times are far more important in my life. Perhaps my biggest regret is knowing all too well how most guys think. (Though I suspect it really doesn't take a lot to figure it out w/o the inside information I was exposed to)

Hi Damara

You say you are mostly living as Damara, but not all the time.  What are the times when you are not?

This is a common enough observation or complaint on Susan's - living it, but not feeling it.  As I commented on other posts (one of Suzi's unless I'm mistaken), I really don't know if happily comfortable cis people feel their gender role. They just are. As I see and discuss with more people here, I think the issue you discuss might be an artifact of our trans condition, understandable enough, perhaps, as we move from one gender role to the other.

I think it's nuts to see yourself as a "fraud human" - you're a human human who's currently changing gender.  Not common, but definitely NOT fraudulent in any way.  We all have our doubts from time to time, but I'd challenge anyone to come up with a definition of someone being a perfectly female female, and especially, how they feel as one.  OK, we have to fix some things with HRT and surgery,  but that's how our particular cookie has crumbled! 

The rest, as I see it, is fundamentally self-image, and also how people perceive us.  There's a saying out there:  "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck."  You just need to let your inner duck emerge. Give her time...

And from your avatar, there's nothing wrong with your external duck 

Hugs
Julia

Damara,

Funny you should mention this, because I remember as a teen feeling this way about my male nature as well.  I suppose this is something that should be worked out in therapy.  One more thing is to know that you're not alone feeling like this.  Give it some time and I'm sure your comfort level will increase.
Love yourself, even as you are loved.

-Alana

Hi Julia,

This is a great post I'm learning a lot reading it.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on January 01, 2015, 10:20:49 AM
Hi Damara

You say you are mostly living as Damara, but not all the time.  What are the times when you are not?

This is a common enough observation or complaint on Susan's - living it, but not feeling it.  As I commented on other posts (one of Suzi's unless I'm mistaken), I really don't know if happily comfortable cis people feel their gender role. They just are. As I see and discuss with more people here, I think the issue you discuss might be an artifact of our trans condition, understandable enough, perhaps, as we move from one gender role to the other.

I think it's nuts to see yourself as a "fraud human" - you're a human human who's currently changing gender.  Not common, but definitely NOT fraudulent in any way.  We all have our doubts from time to time, but I'd challenge anyone to come up with a definition of someone being a perfectly female female, and especially, how they feel as one.  OK, we have to fix some things with HRT and surgery,  but that's how our particular cookie has crumbled! 

The rest, as I see it, is fundamentally self-image, and also how people perceive us.  There's a saying out there:  "If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck."  You just need to let your inner duck emerge. Give her time...

And from your avatar, there's nothing wrong with your external duck 

Hugs
Julia

It's definitely nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings! Although I wish we could just be without any hangups or emotional strings to our assigned gender. I guess sometimes it's like "Am I as trans as I should be to be doing this? Why don't I feel more in tune?" The point about our male socialization makes a lot of sense though. Like the friction of going through this process is combating that male training, and that is part of the feelings of not being a "real woman." I say this a lot, but I think HRT will help me so much.. at least knowing that I won't become more masculine! lol!

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on January 01, 2015, 10:20:49 AM
You say you are mostly living as Damara, but not all the time.  What are the times when you are not?

It's very rare that I'm not out publicly as Damara.. I think at home when I'm more relaxed and less "made up" I feel like I'm not being enough of a woman. Of course I realize that most cis-women, when at home, do not doll themselves up.. they also don't have stubble and an ugly body.. typically.

OK, so you've not started HRT yet... This is quite a watershed for most of us, not necessarily for the physical changes it brings, which are highly variable, but also psychological changes.  And even here, while some are chemical,  others are simply due to you knowing that you're now on HRT.  Just that knowledge will make a big difference to your self-perception.

Don't be so hard on yourself Damara... it pays to be nice to yourself as you transition, and to look for ways to feel good about yourself.  Stubble is a temporary problem, and yes, I'm still working on mine 

Hugs
Julia

I used to wonder most days if I was "trans enough" to be doing this. That was untill I started to learn just how lucky I am. In my mind being trans enough was a simple transition or die question. For me it is not, for now  I always had zero doubt that I am a transsexual. Just doubts about how to deal with it, and how I have dealt with it. Not many doubts about how I am dealing with it today. Provided I remind myself of "I know what does not work"