Hey all.

I think I've reached that point where I want to come out as ftm to my parents and my closest friends. Currently I'm out to two people, but I barely talk to them anymore, so I don't really think they count.

The thing is, I'm not the person to talk about feelings and all that. I've never been, it's just something that hasn't felt natural to me at all. And therefore, I have no idea how I want to come out, and I have no idea how I'm going to put it into words. I've thought about writing a short letter and send it to my parents, but I don't know if that would be weird since I still live with them (I'm 19).

It's not their reaction I fear, I'm pretty sure my mom will be supportive and the same with my friends. I'm not so sure about my dad, but I think he'll just need a bit of time to let it sink in, and then he'll be fine with it. My whole family is in general very open minded and accepting, so I'm not afraid they're all going to hate me or something, lol.
I don't know if they will be shocked when I come out. I'm already dressing very masculine, I've never worn makeup, I haven't worn a dress/skirt since I was like 9, I bind, I have short hair (I'm sorry for the stereotyping, lol).

I don't really know where I want to go with all this, I guess I just had to get it out and get some thoughts on it. And maybe read your coming out experiences? Just write whatever is on your mind.
I don't know what to do, but I know that I want to come out soon.

- Albert.

I'm also very closed off about my feelings, experiences, etc. I found it was very helpful for me to write a letter to my parents to at least cover the bases. I had some close friends read it and give feedback in terms of things I hadn't covered. And then I memorized the content of it and told them in person. I'd say as long as you don't think they'll react poorly, in person is probably the best. Or giving them the letter and letting them ask any questions that they have. In terms of my coming out experiences:

- Mom / brother: Told them in person while out at dinner. "So I've decided I'm going to finally transition." They took it well. No issues whatsoever here.

- Dad / Stepmom: Told them in person while visiting. I had written them a letter that I planned to give to them. I did not think they were going to take it well, but they did. Led with the question "Do you know what transgender means?". They asked a ton of questions (some were okay, some were very invasive but I kind of expected that they would).

- Stepsisters: They were told by my dad/stepmom after the fact.

- Close friends: All told in person. No negative reactions whatsoever. Very little surprise.

- Old friends from high school/college/etc.: I updated my name and gender on Facebook and left it at that. I didn't have anyone delete me, though I did pre-emptively delete about 100 people that I didn't want to have all up in my business.

- Relatives/extended family/etc.: Same as above. Changed Facebook and left it at that. I've only had one person react poorly (in my opinion). My aunt basically said that she and her family wanted me to be happy, but could not support my transition. That said, I went over there for Thanksgiving and no one treats me any differently except one male cousin who I think is an idiot anyway.

I would say spend some time considering your approach. Not everyone can be handled the same way, and it's kind of exhausting retelling the same thing over and over again.

As a person who has yet to come out to anyone, I just wanted to say that I think it's a great step to get to a place where you think you're ready and want to.

So I don't really have any advice for you, except do what's comfortable for you. If it's easier for you to write a letter instead of talk face to face or whatever, do that. Also I've heard you should expect a lot of questions. So be ready for that. But like I said I don't really have any personal experience with it.

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

Hey Albert!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

Coming out can be tricky and scary. Apart from the whole talking about your feelings thing there's the way those people will take it. I find with family they usually seem to need "more details" than friends and the like do. If you have plans around names/pronouns, hormones, transitioning, surgery, etc it might be useful to let them know an outline of your intentions. Have you spoken to a counsellor or therapist? They might help you craft what you want to say.

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Cheers

Grace

I told everyone i knew over a Facebook message. most thought my account was hacked.......:/

Quote from: Leah443 on January 02, 2015, 08:03:19 PM
I told everyone i knew over a Facebook message. most thought my account was hacked.......:/

I'm sorry to hear that.



Thanks to you all for answering. I came out to my parents today. I texted my mom in the middle of the night lol. I simply just wrote that I didn't feel like a girl, but that I feel like a boy and then I asked her if we could talk about it today. She came into my room and we talked about it for a while.
Long story short, she told me that all she wanted for me was to be happy, but it was very overwhelming for her, which I fully understood.

We're now talking about going to some kind of therapy together, since I didn't want to go by myself, and my mom also said she would find it nice to be there. So now I guess we just have to find a therapist.

My mom showed the text message to my dad but he hasn't mentioned it to me at all :/ I think he doesn't really know how to handle it right now.

Now I just have to survive dinner, lol.

Hey, I'm glad it went ok . Your mom's reaction sounds great! Finding a therapist is a great idea. I think that you'll probably find that there will be things you'd rather discuss without your mom, but I'm sure the therapist will know how best to handle this.