what did one atom say to the other spinning around a cyclotron ? I'll be splitting pretty soon

Table-top RPGers will get this one.

what did the Japanese Gentleman say to the chicken crossing the road ? How high do you fry

two carbon atoms are shot at high velocity into a block of lead , what did the one carbon atom say to the other after hitting the block of lead ? I'll be the same

what did the electron say to the proton when challenged to a race ? I'll run circles around you.

If God plays dice with the universe , who do you think wins

An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.

"Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"

Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.

The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.

The Jew smiles back.

The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.

"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"

He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."

The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.

Furious, the anti-semite says to the bartender, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"

"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."

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I was in my local store and saw this.




For some reason I almost collapsed in hysterical laughter

Look! A goth!

My grandfather wanted to how bad my grandmother's hearing was getting.  He yelled from the bedroom "Honey, come here! I need you."  No response.

He moved to the dining room.  "Honey, come here! I need you."  Still, no response.

Finally, he went into the kitchen and stood right behind her, and said "Honey, come here! I need you."

My grandmother turned around and said "For the third time, I'll be right there!"

How many dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?

...Five! ...Six! ...Seven! ...Eight!!

Click for the answer