So, I'm new here. I mean, I've been lurking around for a bit, but I thought I'd actually open up and join in on the "fun". And by fun, I mean to say, I really need help.

I came out to almost everyone I know about a month ago. The ones I didn't come out to, have known I'm trans for years. I only told 3 people. I've dealt with dysphoria for all my life, but it was invisible to others because the one time I tried to say something to my mom, she invalidated my feelings and told me I needed to read the bible and hang out with people, and get over myself. Which hurt, and also taught me to just hide everything because there's something WRONG with me. So now that I've told everyone, and said I want to start T soon, they're all preaching that it's a "phase" or that I'm moving too fast, that I'm going to change my mind because I've had other phases. A goth phase?? I don't know if that's even COMPARABLE to Trans. I was honestly sickened, haha.

So my best friend keeps saying she wants to "challenge me" along the way. She's cis and hetero, and has always chided me about being more feminine. She says she supports my decision but says that the suddenness of coming out "SCREAMS that its a phase", in her own words. What on Earth could she mean by challenging me? Constantly questioning my decision? I get she's trying to warn me that people change their minds about this. But she says she's challenging me "in a good way". How is being Trans not enough of a challenge in itself??
And it's not just her. My own Dad, who is having trouble understanding it because he bought me barbies (which i didn't want) and dressed me up as a princess for halloween (which i hated- wanted to be the grim reaper but thats not GIRLY enough). He's super upset. Which I can get, to a degree, but it's to the point of not wanting to see me. Today's Thanksgiving. I'm so nervous. I can't go by preferred pronouns and my preferred name because my mom thinks it's weird. Just plain weird.
And, my friend, mentioned above, said I was rushing things by wanting to start T. I told her myself, I've been dealing with this my whole life. She thinks it's too soon, as a 23 year old, to make this kind of decision, and then told me that I should wait YEARS until I fully think about this.

It honestly feels like reading poems to a horse with these people. My whole family doesn't seem to want to even TRY to understand. I get it, there's grief, there's confusion. But this is literally them IGNORING what I said, like it never happened. And at this point in time, I have never felt more disgust with myself and my body. I'm just so stuck. I've tried explaining it to them. I constantly tell them, I've done my research, I've talked with my therapist. I've thought about this for so many years, but apparently no one believes me.

Is it because this decision inconveniences them? Is it because they don't UNDERSTAND what I'm going through that makes them deny its entire existence? What do they mean by CHALLENGING me? I'm so confused, and the dysphoria and anxiety is causing some serious episodes and panic attacks. I'm super stuck, its a Holiday, and I'm stranded in a small apartment with 10 other cis hetero people who don't know that at this very moment, I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

Does anyone know how I can somehow dispel their disbelief so I can actually be taken SERIOUSLY? I'm so stuck. It's literally Hell, being so uncomfortable and unable to Pass as I want to, simply because my dysphoria isn't real to them. I feel sick to my goddamn stomach.

You may find that believing in yourself is the most important. You can't make anyone see or learn, you can only present opportunities for them to do so. You may have to leave them have time to figure it out while you move on with your life. In a sense, you grow a thicker skin and avoid the situations that trigger you.You make different friends that are more understanding and hopefully your friends and family adapt when they see you blossoming and becoming happier.

It isn't easy by any means and they need time to adjust to something you have known a lifetime.

LordKAT- thank you. you're probably right, haha. I spoke to my roommates about it- they said just about the same thing. I also think that it's hard for people to take me seriously because i still pass as a woman. But i'll be getting a binder for christmas from my best friend- so that'll change, soon.
I think another thing that might help is actually seeing my therapist this week- I couldn't last week, and that broke my schedule, so to speak. I also need to attend a Tmen's group soon...

Yeah, any time you disrupt the reality of someone whose mind is closed off to anything but heteronormative things, you're going to upset that person.  They will deny.  They will try to shame you.  They will smack you around with a holy book and tell you that you're going to hell.  They will push their beliefs on you, then bitch that you're infringing on their beliefs.

[Anger Level: 42]

HOWEVER, just because your reality doesn't fit in with theirs, that's no reason for them to invalidate yours.  They don't walk in your shoes.  They don't know how you feel.  Your emotions and your personality are yours and yours alone.

I'm assuming that you don't live with your family.  That's good.  Less stress.  You can do what YOU need to do to make YOUR LIFE better.  Anyone who tries to hold you back when you're trying to make your life better, that person is selfish.  That person is going by the "If I can't have cake, NO ONE CAN HAVE CAKE!" logic.  That is bull->-bleeped-<- logic.  If you can get cake, you take your cake, you eat that cake, and you enjoy your cake, damn it!

YOU.  You do what is best for YOU.  At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with your body.  Despite what the GOP and fundies might say, you have the right to decide what you do with your body.  Do what you will to make it better.

As for making them understand...well, you can throw pamphlets at them all day.  You can email links to transgender allies websites.  You can lead the horses to water, but it's up to them to drink.  If they start learning, excellent!  Still, give them time to digest everything.  Forgive mistakes.  Correct gently.  Educate them along the way.  A gentle hand will not make someone flinch.  [Sorry, I'm getting all liberal wise man here...]

If they refuse, that's their problem.  Not yours.  Even your parents, your family, if they refuse to love their child, show him support, etc, then it's best to re-evaluate your relationship with them.  Decide when you see them, how you visit them, how long, etc, and only if you decide to keep up the relationship.  Same with siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, etc.

Quote from: Amadeus on December 07, 2014, 10:56:56 PM
Yeah, any time you disrupt the reality of someone whose mind is closed off to anything but heteronormative things, you're going to upset that person.  They will deny.  They will try to shame you.  They will smack you around with a holy book and tell you that you're going to hell.  They will push their beliefs on you, then bitch that you're infringing on their beliefs.

[Anger Level: 42]

HOWEVER, just because your reality doesn't fit in with theirs, that's no reason for them to invalidate yours.  They don't walk in your shoes.  They don't know how you feel.  Your emotions and your personality are yours and yours alone.

I'm assuming that you don't live with your family.  That's good.  Less stress.  You can do what YOU need to do to make YOUR LIFE better.  Anyone who tries to hold you back when you're trying to make your life better, that person is selfish.  That person is going by the "If I can't have cake, NO ONE CAN HAVE CAKE!" logic.  That is bull->-bleeped-<- logic.  If you can get cake, you take your cake, you eat that cake, and you enjoy your cake, damn it!

YOU.  You do what is best for YOU.  At the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with your body.  Despite what the GOP and fundies might say, you have the right to decide what you do with your body.  Do what you will to make it better.

As for making them understand...well, you can throw pamphlets at them all day.  You can email links to transgender allies websites.  You can lead the horses to water, but it's up to them to drink.  If they start learning, excellent!  Still, give them time to digest everything.  Forgive mistakes.  Correct gently.  Educate them along the way.  A gentle hand will not make someone flinch.  [Sorry, I'm getting all liberal wise man here...]

If they refuse, that's their problem.  Not yours.  Even your parents, your family, if they refuse to love their child, show him support, etc, then it's best to re-evaluate your relationship with them.  Decide when you see them, how you visit them, how long, etc, and only if you decide to keep up the relationship.  Same with siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, etc.

All of this, right here. I really needed to see it. Late as it is, I'm glad I came back to my post when I did. I meet more opposition every day, and I'm getting closer and closer to taking my first dose of T. Your advice had really helped me. The cake logic is absolutely riotous.

Don't worry about getting liberal with me, I'm totally fine. Some of my family is liberal, and they understand, just a bit.
I'm done trying to help the ones who don't understand learn- I've done all I can, I'm gonna do this regardless of what they say. You're right to assume I don't live with my parents, and being on the medication I've been on makes me realize I don't NEED to ask permission constantly anymore. It's times like this that open your eyes to the true nature of people.

Thank you ALL for your input. This still bothers me, to this day, and it's about time I stop letting it.

Quote from: heavymetalkaiju on January 05, 2015, 09:39:18 PM
This still bothers me, to this day, and it's about time I stop letting it.

If you ever figure out how to do it, let me know.  Seriously.  Idina Menzel can scream Let It Go at me all day long, and I'll still hold on to rubbish.  LOL.  But you, go you for being all gung-ho and ->-bleeped-<-.  You rock on, Bruvva.