Normally I don't write much about myself but I felt this was a worthwhile thought in the wake of the recent suicide of Leelah. I too grew up with let's say it was hostile right up front and get that out of the way. In the end there was no reconciliation possible so I had to walk away and burn the bridge on that part of my life. I parted ways with my parents and family and never looked back. That was almost 20 years ago now. But there is nothing like weddings and funerals to bring people back together including my harshest critics. I had a very much beloved uncle of mine who passed away recently and I thought long and hard about attending the funeral. In the end I decided I needed to go, to show support for the his family and as a way of honoring someone who meant a lot to me.

It also meant I would have to face the very people who have ostracized me. But I went anyways. To be honest I was nervous and apprehensive. I was afraid of becoming a scene. IN the end none of that happened. However, I think I may have made my detractors seem a bit more human since they know that I am (a) still alive and kicking and (b) I didn't turn out the way they had expected. In fact I turned out a "bit of alright" and well let's see if it opens the door even a little bit on hard hearts. I know my parents who are now becoming elderly have reached out to me and to be honest I rebuffed them they way they did to me. But I am not a hard hearted person and can't keep a grudge, hopefully there may be  chance, then again maybe not. I just thought others might be interested in hearing about my situation.

Sounds positive!

I do think a people change and mellow with time. And a lot of people have some very prejudiced ideas about what we will look like when we transition which drives their anger, rejection, behaviour - mostly based on lies, stereotypes and other cliches (thanks Hollywood!) - when they see that those prejudices were unfounded they either have to did in deeper or admit, as much as they are capable of doing so, that they were wrong.

It does sound positive.

You are very forgiving and courageous. Perhaps they saw and felt your strength.

Hollywood.. oof.. I really am not sure what I'll look like in the end. I wish I did. But in my final stages I only hope I don't go for the bright red lipstick and 6 inch heels. Not that any of that is "me".. but ppl do change lol

Quote from: Rotika on January 06, 2015, 05:28:50 AM
Hollywood.. oof.. I really am not sure what I'll look like in the end. I wish I did. But in my final stages I only hope I don't go for the bright red lipstick and 6 inch heels. Not that any of that is "me".. but ppl do change lol

It's funny you should mention that. I think some people many years ago may have had some pre-conceived notion that I would look like some glammed up drag queen with overdone eyeshadow, they were probably not expecting an ordinary looking woman. In fact some double take reactions from peoples faces was pretty humorous. It's not what I was there for, I was there to honor someone I cared about, but still it never ceases to amaze.

Don't get me wrong girl.. I love getting dolled up.. contouring and eyeshadow rock my socks off. But then there's overdoing it. lol.. Exhibit A: Rocky Picture Horror Show

An interesting situation, Zumbagirl. 

I'm very much one for mending bridges, or at least attempting to throw a rope across the divide from time to time in the hope that someone might catch it.  I can perfectly understand how you needed to take actions to protect yourself 20 years ago, but yes, some people do change and question their judgment, preconceptions and the like.

It's worth exploring a thaw in relations, and you are at least very able now to control the nature of any interaction so that it does not alter the peace and life you've managed to build for yourself over the intervening years. 

We shall stay tuned, should you wish to update us.

Regards
Julia

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on January 06, 2015, 09:19:05 AM
An interesting situation, Zumbagirl. 

I'm very much one for mending bridges, or at least attempting to throw a rope across the divide from time to time in the hope that someone might catch it.  I can perfectly understand how you needed to take actions to protect yourself 20 years ago, but yes, some people do change and question their judgment, preconceptions and the like.

It's worth exploring a thaw in relations, and you are at least very able now to control the nature of any interaction so that it does not alter the peace and life you've managed to build for yourself over the intervening years. 

We shall stay tuned, should you wish to update us.

Regards
Julia

I've actually attempted to keep in contact with select family members at least through Facebook over the last couple of years,  and I have reached out a number of times with friend requests. All I ever got back in return was crickets. A few that were more distant family accepted and at least now I can keep in touch with some.

The thing is, there is so much time that has passed I am now 150 billion percent certain that I chose the right path in life when I transitioned. If it had been 20 years ago, who knows I could have been talked off the ledge back then and I'd be here in this forum wondering what my life would have been like "if" I had transitioned 20 years ago. I guess what I am trying to get at is over the course of so many years, I am so happy and content that I could never be talked back now. I would just as easily keep the bridge burned down and walk away yet again. Maybe it's a sense of pride in myself but I am finally happy with myself and if it means never talking to certain people ever again then so be it. If on the other hand there is a small sliver of light where there can be some kind of dialog I am happy to try it. I don't mind walking into the hell fire because I have the confidence to carry me through it. I'm not afraid or worried about religious ignorance or intolerance anymore, I have the confidence and cool to deal with it. If it gets nasty I walk away and stay away. If not then there might be hope.

I think I will know if it's time to throw a rope across again as you said, or to keep my rope to myself and keep walking away. We'll see. I am going to take the opportunity to throw out the rope since I know there are some important birthdays coming up this year. It will be interesting to see if I am included on the invite list or simply ignored.

That's so brave of you. I can't imagine walking away from family. My family are good, so that's probably why, but I've found that even bad friends, I find it so hard to walk away from them. So bad family must be even harder, even though it's better for you. And so brave of you to see them again at your uncle's funeral. You should be really proud of yourself. And I really, truly hope that you and your parents can reconcile and can be in each other's lives in a nice way.