Is it even possible to get a girlfriend? Well, of course it is, but is it likely? What has been your experience with girls being a trans man?

Hi Scotty

Quote from: ScottyMac on January 07, 2015, 08:48:06 AM
Is it even possible to get a girlfriend? Well, of course it is, but is it likely?........

The answer to that question is ........... how do you want it answered? You, and only you, have the answer to that. Like everything else in life. If you want it desperately enough, it'll happen.

Once you make your mind up to achieve something, the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.

Look forward to hearing how it goes for you.

Huggs
Catherine

I have so far dated two people, both who haven't cared at all, one who is a girl and one who turned out to be a transguy too. I've also had several other girls show an interest in me, and they knew I was trans at the time. For me, my trans status hasn't mattered at all, they're more interested in who I am.
There's definitely going to be people who turn you down for it, but there are definitely plenty of people who know you're a guy and that's that.

It's very much in the realm of possible. Lots and lots of trans men have girlfriends... or boyfriends.

I'm still trying to find a guy.

Find somebody with common interests. Meet up groups are an alright idea. Just network, chat with people, and see what happens.

Quote from: ScottyMac on January 07, 2015, 08:48:06 AM
Is it even possible to get a girlfriend? Well, of course it is, but is it likely? What has been your experience with girls being a trans man?

Totally depends on the people around you.  Like it is for anybody, your best bet for finding a romantic partner is socially-- through friends or hobbies.  It will be *much* harder to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend) through online dating, personals, "pickups", etc.  If you can surround yourself with understanding people, who know and accept that you're trans, then sooner or later someone in your social circle will be a potential date.  But, if you're stealth, and your friends would have trouble coping with your gender identity and history, then it's likely that any potential girlfriend would have trouble with it, too. 

That said, I'm going from other people's experience.  I'm pre-T, not passing, and married so it's a non-issue for me.  But I'm lucky enough to have had trans folks in my social circle (none I currently count as close friends).  While they met some barriers to relationships, they didn't really have more than the super-kinky or polyamorous people did. 

As someone stealth, I'm rather worried about this, too, considering I've never been in a relationship before and wouldn't know how to pursue such a thing. I'd feel more relaxed pursuing someone from a queer group because they'd likely be more open to the prospect of dating a trans person, but otherwise, I'm a tad lost. I know it's not impossible, but it feels like far too much of an obstacle to bother with.

i'm stealth, had plenty of girlfriends. not impossible, more based on you and your personality like it is any other time. if you want to find someone who is gonna be cool with the trans thing, even if you're stealth, you might want to first get their views on LGBT+ issues and how they would feel about dating someone who is trans. bring up articles you've seen, etc. some trans guys stay within the LGBT+ community, dating someone who is lesbian, or bisexual or w/e else. i don't think as a trans man, you should date lesbians, because they like WOMEN and you aren't one. some exceptions i guess if you've been in a relationship with them for awhile, or they see you as a man but it gets conflicting when it comes to their identity, etc. i've only dated straight girls though (from what i know) so i hope that eases any doubts you'd have about not finding someone outside the community, if you did have them.

I met my wife online many years ago and we've been married for 5 years.

She was 100% heterosexual-identified at the time, but I was also presenting as male and was stealth.  When she found out that I was trans, she didn't care at all.  It didn't change her attraction to me in any way.

short answer: yes

when I met my girlfriend she thought I was a girl (my brother introduced me to her as his sister). We talked for four months before things actually got cleared up and still she sees me 100% as a man and respects me and my pronouns better than I thought was possible.

Quote from: ScottyMac on January 07, 2015, 08:48:06 AM
Is it even possible to get a girlfriend? Well, of course it is, but is it likely? What has been your experience with girls being a trans man?

Quote from: Daft on January 07, 2015, 12:58:18 PM
As someone stealth, I'm rather worried about this, too, considering I've never been in a relationship before and wouldn't know how to pursue such a thing. I'd feel more relaxed pursuing someone from a queer group because they'd likely be more open to the prospect of dating a trans person, but otherwise, I'm a tad lost. I know it's not impossible, but it feels like far too much of an obstacle to bother with.

Yes, I always suggest that transguys don't forget the queer community as a place to find partners.  The women in that community are often open to, and sometimes even prefer to date transguys.  Even though they may also date non-binary and/or masculine female bodied people, it doesn't mean they don't see transguys as the men they are.  My girlfriend was/is a part of the queer community and never identified as a lesbian.  There are also quite a number of dating/personals websites specifically for FTMs that you could check out.

It seems to me that a lot of the younger transguys on this site never consider the queer community as a place to meet potential partners or other transguys for friendship.  Or at least this is something I have noted with the U.S. FTMs here at Susan's.  I wonder if some of that might be lack of availability of a queer community where people live.  You usually see queer communities in larger cities or in college communities/college towns and not so much outside those areas.  I am not sure how many guys here at Susan's live in those areas.

I have dated straight women outside the queer community as well, but I admit I do like being a part of the queer community.  I like the energy of the queer communities...the involvement in politics, advocacy for trans* rights and such that you often find in those communities....it feels empowering to me as a FTM and queer person.

I agree. Some women in the queer community are really bi, or perhaps pan. I believe a lot of people are more fluid on sexual orientation, certainly not everybody. If there is a trans center you can see if there are events that allow allies. We have events here, but not all communities do.

--Jay

I've had no problems with dating people while being out. Some guy was interested in dating me, and didn't seem to mind or care that I was trans. I won't get into the graphic details, but he seemed really chill about it. The love of my life has known from the start (five years ago maybe) and he's still beside me and is by strongest supporter.

Maybe I'm just lucky or had it easy, but being yourself is always a plus.

Well, as some who is pansexual I can definitely say it's not impossible! I'd totally date a transman if he was the right person for me. ^.^ Regarding how likely that'd be for you; it's more a matter of getting yourself out there whether that's online or in real life. Join a community, attend an LGBT group or something that interests you where you're more likely to find people you can connect with. Don't worry too much, I'm sure you'll find someone and if you don't, then they'll find you.

NOT IMPOSSIBLE!  Unless YOU think it is...  The keystone of ANY successful romantic relationship is that the participants are their most true and honest selves.  Attraction will bring people together, personalities will either mesh or not, and then you figure out how best to have intimate experiences.  Open your mind to the possibility of finding the love of your life...and try not to despair through the rejections that will undoubtedly occur.  Happens to everybody, however they define themselves.

I believe its entirely possible I've been with my girl for almost a four months now. She's been the supportive the entire way. She even learned about T and all the transgender terms for me. It's all in the confidence as long as you feel good about yourself you'll appear confident to others. I think the key is to be honest and try to educate them on what it means to be transgender. My girlfriend and I have also set boundaries. For example, I have major chest dysphoria so she knows to avoid my chest as best as she can. Communication is a must in any relationship. Just be honest, caring, confident, and keep your options open.

It is entirely possible. Though I'm in a relationship where she and I are both trans. She's begun hrt, but I haven't yet.

The thing to do is not lie. That's not to say you have to lead off with explaining you are trans, but don't lie about what you have going on. That's a quick way to kill any relationship.

Honestly I like casual encounters with women and one of the more painful things for me when I transition will be feeling physically incomplete so I'd wait until everything was post op and I'd go stealth all the way honestly. And I think I'd be an alright looking guy post op so I'd go about it like I normally talk to a girl. And I definitely do think it's possible to be an out trans man and get a girlfriend possibly easier in an area with more tolerance like big cities NYC, Dallas, and LA for example.