Sanity? someone being realistic? on a trans forum? wow R

I have always cared about my looks.  I was raised among fabulous women; my grandma used to say "a woman has to look her best at all times regardless of the circumstances", so yeah...

tink

First, I hate the term "stealth."  It implies being a sneak and I am far too large a woman to be very stealthy about very much.  I have transitioned from Female within only to Female outside, too, and I live accordingly.  I am at-ease every place I go.

Quote from Blair

QuoteNot everyone chooses to be miserable, you know.

Right on!  I survived a world of hurt because I was determined to never surrender, and to keep my spirits up, to hold onto my dream.

Before I began to transition I wore "the monkey suit." 3-piece, tailored well, with a tie, shirt, and shoes to make a sharp-looking outfit, so yes, I cared what I looked like in my prior life.

When I started HRT I stopped wearing the suits and wore slacks and a shirt, no tie.  I also stopped buying male clothes, but I maintained a respectable image as I worked in an office and represented my employer to contractors and the general public.

When I reported for work for the first time in my true gender, I wore a black sheath dress with a pink floral print, a pink jacket with black piping on the lapels and pockets, black nylons, pink heels, open-toed with a black leather bow on the toes, and a pink handbag that matched the jacket.  My makeup was flawless, or so my friends told me, and I took time to make a good hair day for myself.

That set the pattern for me until I retired.

Now I wear jeans, slacks, nice tops, and I pay a lot of attention to my makeup, when I wear it.  I have nothing to hide.  I am pre-op and on the list for surgery in June 2007.  I aspired to live the life of a woman in her 50s and I do.

Lisbeth, I solidly agree with you that one cannot be a transsexual activist without telling others that they transitioned.  I expect to be doing volunteer work with transsexual women in the next month or so and I will tell them that I got here because I was TS. 

I once thought that seeing myself as a TS woman would be fine.  It's not, so I dropped the TS part.

Thank you for letting me share this thread.

Wing Walker

Well, you see Robin, the difference between stealth and  "out and proud" is just that, an entirely personal decision without any obligations or responsibilities.  Some people transition to be known in our community as "a transsexual" or "post-op transsexual".  My goal was always to be accepted as what I am, a woman, perhaps with a transsexual history, but a woman after all, not a transsexual.  Thank you very much. 

tink

Hi Blair hon

Quote've been paying rent for five years.  I'm quite alone, financially.  I would argue that I do very much live in the real world, complete with loss, starvation, worry, stress, anxiety and adversity. I don't understand this conversation!

When I read such posts as yours I cant help but think of the price some of us had to pay to get where we are. I think people like you and many others on this group here deserve to have a medal if they had such for struggling TS's.

There is nothing wrong with struggling to live our dream. You know for the longest time I lived inn fantasy, not wanting anything to do with society. I did a lot of writing, children's fantasy stories. If I didn't have that escape I doubt I would be here typing this post tonight.

Cindy   

I've always cared about my looks to some extent, mainly how I dress.  I'm still living as a male for the time being and it's still about my same view.  I always dress nicely, but my hair is always out there and weird haha. Oddly enough though, I used to and still get like made fun of for dressing nice and wearing nice cloths rather than like wallmart jeans and ripped up and stained cloths from my friends.

(no offence to anyone that shops at wallmart, really I don't care)

Anyways though, before I go fulltime my friend actually wants to do the shopping for me haha; just to get me some basics you know.  She has good taste so I do trust her   But we'll see how it turns out. 

But in short to answer you question, yes I do care about my looks.  (For the most part )

Quote from: Tink on October 27, 2007, 01:32:50 AM
Well, you see Robin, the difference between stealth and  "out and proud" is just that, an entirely personal decision without any obligations or responsibilities.  Some people transition to be known in our community as "a transsexual" or "post-op transsexual".  My goal was always to be accepted as what I am, a woman, perhaps with a transsexual history, but a woman after all, not a transsexual.  Thank you very much. 

tink

Actually, I wasn't trying to argue what constitutes as stealth or not. I probably should have "when you presented as male did you care". It's a matter of perspective like someone said. I see it this way - To me personally, clothes are a form of self expression. If I can't express myself then the most I can do is put on a very nice looking mask. Other people have different experiences and I was wondering if a few people felt the same way I felt sometimes.

I did once try to care about my presentation and for a while I tried very hard. I'm not on hormones yet so I haven't started transitioning yet (my therapist just wrote the referral letter) and I have practically 0 time to wear female clothes at home. To me it feels painful to put so much effort into a male presentation because it really perpetuates the delusion. All my life no one has really seen me for who I really am. I guess it's just frustrating me right now.

QuoteNot everyone chooses to be miserable, you know.

Everyone has their own disphoria in this. Some people can't stand being sir'd, even when they present as male. Some people wanted to play with dolls when there were little and so they perpetuate that misery into adulthood. I don't care about either. Not being able to express myself is my personal peeve - no one CHOOSES to be miserable.

tbh the topic does suggest that everone ran around looking like bad dragqueens, and only cared about thier apearance when they wanted to go stealth...
R

i just noticed now that this topic about before stealth... i need to learn to read.

i would kind of consider myself living kind of "stealth" now, and on that front I have always cared about my appearance since I began presenting how I needed to.  I am rather critical of my own appearance.

whilst i didnt like the old body, i still looked after it... even if i did end up looking thugish...
R

I've never been stealth, I simply answered the question regarding my feelings about dressing as male... which I hate...

z

Hi I can see but never thought about it being called stealth, when I would occasionally go out as the real me in the beginning it was rather fun, like actually living your dream. Fortunately I had a few women friends and when I went out with them it was in  my desired gender. Or during the day going out to different towns dressed up in the proper gender I suppose could be called stealth but I never thought of it that way.

The first day I started full time, I walked out of my apartment I was Cindy and have been ever since, and I didn't really think it could even be possible in the beginning. But here I am 7 years later living as the real me.

The hardest adjustment I have gone through was after my Soul Mate in the past seven years was when We moved her to Vancouver. I was in and out of light depressive mood swings. It ended up I didn't want to even leave the house. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me until one day I went outside in front of the apartment and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It literally felt like there was a pair of eyeballs staring out at me from every window of every house on the block. It wasn't anything to do with being a transsexual, because I don't even think about that word unless I'm in this board.

It was psychic energy, being an empath you can pic up on other peoples psychic energy and feel what they feel. To me for a time it felt like being inside a Borg ship, which I have experienced before many times, fortunately they don't last for to long.

Cindy   

Quote from: Robin Ellis Harriet on October 27, 2007, 05:35:53 AM
Everyone has their own disphoria in this. Some people can't stand being sir'd, even when they present as male. Some people wanted to play with dolls when there were little and so they perpetuate that misery into adulthood. I don't care about either. Not being able to express myself is my personal peeve - no one CHOOSES to be miserable.

I get just an annoyed as anyone else when the "sir" happens, but I look them right in the eyes and say "Excuse me?" in the bitchiest tone possible for a human being.  I like to say things like, "There are nicer ways to call me ugly."  It works very, very well.

I grab life by the horns and shake it around until it does what I want.  I choose to not be miserable.  Maybe others don't and have an excuse or two.  Good for them.  I don't have any excuses, despite all the things I've had to put up with.

Because I don't make excuses, and that's just how I was raised.  If I griped about something, my dad or aunt or grandma or anyone from the side of the family I identified with (my parents divorced when I was young) would just play the world's smallest violin for me and tell me to suck it up.  I hated it then, I appreciate it now.



~ BB

Hi Blair

Quote"There are nicer ways to call me ugly."

May I adopt that one? I think it's an Academy award winner for a rejoinder. 

I use to say take a picture it might last longer but now I come to like guys eyeing me up, that ain't bad for a 62 year old. hmmmmm since I have been full time I really don't recall anyone addressing me as sir.

Cindy

I took far less pride in how I looked before I transitioned.  I figured since I couldn't look the way I wanted to look, why bother?  I mostly wore baggy pants, and extra large shirts and had a shaved head.  Now I will still wear jeans and a t-shirt a lot, but it's more put together, and I put a lot of time into my hair, makeup, and jewelry.

Girls care so much about how they look. we are very self conscious individuals and we dont want to look bad or at least we think we look bad even when we don't.  I've cared about my looks since I was very little; now I've got no choice but to maintain what I have to keep myself employed in the fashion world.  We've got no choice.  Average looks and simplicity dont work here.  I live in a shallow world where extreme dieting & scalpels are part of our lives but I know other peeps are luckier to be who they are and be proud of it.

I care about how I look and for my age  look prey good. Between the hormones and a few Marykay products. There was a time when I didn't really care nor did I like myself much back then to.

The part I love most is being hairless.

Love