So, two things have happened.

The first is that I've gone and set a date to go full time. If I don't, if I wait until I feel 'ready', I probably won't ever actually do the thing. So. Last week in April is going to be the week that I toss all my male clothes and just go full time, and damn the consequences.

The other thing is.... work has kind of gone south on me.

The other day I was sent to a meeting where I was given a reprimand on how I dress. While it's true that there have been times when I could have dressed sharper, and that there have been days when finding something clean and wrinkle free was mutually exclusive, those were more exceptions than the rule. But, to be honest, that doesn't bother me in and of itself. I admit that there could have been room for improvement, and I got sloppy, and I got called out on it. Sure. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is threefold. Firstly, instead of going to my manager, or to the site director, they went straight to HR. Instead of finding a way to resolve the issue in a mature manner, they went right for the jugular. I respond well to feedback. If I do something wrong, I want to know about it so I can correct my behavior, but really I get the vibe that this was more of a personal attack than anything else, because of point number two: Apparently they submitted photographic evidence of my slovenly ways. I can count on one hand the number of times I've let my coworkers photograph me. Usually I'm very camera shy, but I let people take my picture during our holiday party, and the day before Christmas, both of which I had dressed perhaps more casual than I had aught to. This means that that either somebody took my picture without my consent, or took it during the holidays with an ulterior motive. HR will not let me see these pictures since I work in a fairly small branch office and could probably figure out who took them and they want to protect this individual's identity so that they would be free from repercussions. Thirdly, this comes roughly around the same time that somebody discovered my Facebook profile and learned that I was trans. While I really want to believe this is all coincidental, I just can't shake the feeling that it's not.

This has changed how I feel about my work environment immensely. I now feel like I'm in a hostile work environment where everything I do is being monitored and scrutinized. I know that there's somebody out there who has outright lied to me about their intentions. I know that instead of wanting to work out their differences, they'd rather play office politics and see if they can get me in trouble. This may or may not be the same individual who knows I'm trans, so it may or may not be transphobically motivated. I just have no way of knowing since they won't tell me who found my Facebook profile, nor will they tell me who filed the complaint.

At this point I don't know what to do. I've tried to reach out to TLDEF but I haven't heard back from them at all. Right now I'm playing everything very close to my chest. I'm making sure my appearance is impeccable. I'm making sure to watch what I say to everybody and keep things professional, instead of friendly and familiar. I want to make sure that if I get complaints it's going to be clear that I can prove that it's motivated by transphobia. I don't know if it's a good idea to come to my supervisor at this point with my fears, whether or not it'll do more harm than good.

Yeah, my last job I got pulled aside and my boss complained that my clothes were wrinkled. I don't own an iron nor do I ever plan to own one. Fortunately my boss got replaced not long after that and the new one didn't give a crap. He thought the dress code was too strict and he himself pushed the edge all the time until we got it relaxed. Seriously when was the last time you saw someone in the IT department wear a tie. Its a choking hazard. You constantly move around heavy equipment. It takes nothing to get your tie caught it in. Fortunately my new job is much more relaxed from day one. The policy seems to be 1) no shorts. That's it. I always attempted to wear more professional looking clothing, but most people just wear jeans. Now that I wear skirts and dresses, I wear what I want to wear 24/7.

Does your office/work go by the EEOC?

If so you could make a complaint with them.

But you will have to most likely tip your hat with the HR on being discrimated by those in office that know about your GD.

Gook luck and do not let anyone judge you negotiate and let them get away.

Also Attorney General Holder made the official connection that GD is part discrimination against transgender people is covered under the sex discrimination prohibition in Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Quote from: mrs izzy on January 08, 2015, 01:24:34 PM
Also Attorney General Holder made the official connection that GD is part discrimination against transgender people is covered under the sex discrimination prohibition in Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Right. And it's also considered discrimination under State law here in NJ, and we recently updated our discrimination policy to include gender identity. Saying that it's discrimination and proving it are two entirely different beasts.

I can relate with the confusion of people's motives. Whenever someone says or does something distasteful towards me I get paranoid that they know I'm trans. Maybe you could just bring up the topic of a trans celebrity and see what your colleagues' opinions on the matter are.

Sometimes setting a date is the best way to mobilise certain actions needed for transition. It's certainly what I did, then I went and torpedoed that by going ahead about three months earlier!!

Good luck!