Hello, I am futabaaoi, I came out in 2006, but I didn't realize what problems it would it cause. I did not realize what kind of barrier it somehow put up and lost my other friends in the process. Since that year I still do the sorta double life thing.
I always felt different when I was younger for some reason. I found myself getting jealous of other girls a lot during my life including my sisters and such. I did get in trouble several times for mimicking things I'd see the girls do at that time at that age by my parents, teachers, and I got ridiculed almost forever by classmates (I usually tried to block it out of my mind). I have been labelled gay, etc.. by other classmates and such for quite awhile. That was the 90's for me. There a lot of memories I have locked away, that I just can not seem to recall.
I put away those thoughts through puberty and such. Though I did certain things wishing it would magically change my body and such. The thoughts that went through my head the 1st time I ever, were very odd and I never have ever shared them with anybody else. In the 2000's I tried my best to blend in. Jr high felt that same as middle and grade school. High School went alright. During college I couldn't stop getting the thoughts in my head of why am I staring at this dress in macy's. It wasn't til I got out of school I discovered the word Transgender. In 2006 I did get a hold of T-blockers and Estrogen in a not so good way. I had a very rough year that year. My parents did not quite understand me, when I said I am girl. My older brother thinks that I needed to get laid (even though it never set very well with me the idea of sex in this body and still doesn't sit well with me), best friend became very distant from me, and I became more scared.
After that since 2006, I only figured out I am mtf but what I do not know. That is the briefest version I could think of. I probably have joined this forum before in the past. But I didn't remember my user name. I did not post much at all either. I was admittedly afraid to do so at the time. But nice to meet you all.
