I need to come out to my wife. Our marriage is falling apart at the seams. She goes back and forth she's filing for divorce or that I'm stuck with her "til death do us part" and if I even think about divorcing her, she's make my life a living hell. Not that isn't already.
I know she's going through hell. She's got a husband who thrashed and kicked in his sleep and has physically hurt her because of it. A few years ago, we were fighting and she was calling me abusive because of my sleep issues, and in my craziness, I hit her. I pushed her down and kicked her leg. I immediately went to the hospital and I was admitted in the psych ward because I was ready to kill myself. She's got all there physical ailments because of me and I can't take care of her the way she needs. Her dad is in and out of the hospital, and she worries about him non-stop. She just called me as I was writing this telling me to never talk to again and she's going to bury me and have me arrested for all my abuse.
This is all BEFORE I coming out to her. She's not going to believe and think I'm making it up to get out of the marriage. She hasn't believed me before when I've told her the truth. And I have been lying to her. And myself. And she keeps going on and on how she's NEVER lied to me. I think she truly believes everything she says even when I KNOW it's not the truth. BUT I'M THE CRAZY ONE!
I'm never getting away from her. I can't handle this. I see my therapist in a few hours and I'm going to leave work early to go work out, but I don't know what to do. Be 100% honest with her and possibly push her over the edge, or keep going and be so miserable that I don't care if I live. It's not like I'm suicidal; I just don't care about myself if I have to keep going.
I need to explore transition, but I don't know if I can handle all this. I'm sorry for this.
