Spent about 3 hours on train journeys today from where I live to a northern Sydney suburb for an IT role (so I had to go in Male mode  as I need an Income stream before anything else), during the to and from journey I listened to music and just observed people on the train and the platforms, of all age groups...

I suddenly got the shivers as I observed how women interact with each other, other passengers and all the various mannerism's... Its not just about dress, hair, nails etc.... its an aurora of relaxed confidence... very different from males (no surprises). It has really un-nerved me as with all the years of wanting and now its almost a reality I am suddenly really nervous.

Is this fear natural as the point of no return approaches?

Not sure what I am looking for, but my confidence has been rattled.... It won't stop me, but has made me think about readiness???

L Katy

It's not easy for any of us that were not born female. We did not have nice years of learning how to be girls then later in life nice women. So just enjoy changing later in life. I feel the same way sometimes. When with my GF's I'm female for sure but I did not have the same nice early life that they did so I have to relax & learn the best I can. We can blend in & enjoy being a woman if we just relax & enjoy our lives. Try not to dress "male" at all if you can. That is so damaging to your confidence level.   Good luck GF.

Katrina, I feel that insecurity every time that I'm out in girl mode (I'm not full time by any means).  I'm constantly rating myself.  Do my mannerisms match a woman's?  How is my voice and inflection?  How is this, how is that? 

I finally told myself that it doesn't matter.  Women come in every color in the rainbow.  Some are more "manly" than others.  Some are more "girly" than others.  We just have to relax and be ourselves.  We need to let the female that we feel inside, out in the open. 

I feel your pain, not to be silly.  I work in an office with 6 other women, and as a transgendered male, I'm constantly picking up on their cues and actions.  It's tough to not rate myself against them.  I have to keep reminding myself that I've only started this journey - they've grown up as women. 

Marie

Thanks Francis and Marie for your comments and support.... I guess I just have to jump in with both feet...

Maybe I should think about the IT role hunting thing

Thanks

L Katy 

Katy, above all, we have to have confidence in who were are.  In our particular case, we're women.  We're no better nor worse than every other one out there.  We're inexperienced, yes, because we didn't grow up as women.  (I look at it "entering the game late".)

Your observations of how other women interacted is just part of your "education" and should in no way rattle you.  Actually, I think that it's quite the opposite.  Do men look at and judge each other on their presentation?  No in most cases.  But the reverse is true for women.  The fact that you were observing and picking up on their cues probably in some small way proves your feminine ways. 

I don't think that it should vary your timing to "jump in with both feet".  Yes, most of us will end up doing just that, but it should be done only when we think that we're ready.  I've thought a lot about that, and one has to be "psyched up" to do it, lest we go out unprepared. 

Good luck to you, Katy!

Marie

Thanks Marie, very comforting indeed, and yes you are right about the late learning curve...

I guess the fear of slipping up and the immediate reaction if in mixed company, think I have always been very self conscious... One of my long term issues 
Think I need to work hard on the self consciousness !

L Katy

How confident you feel while you are out can show up in your body language. A large factor to the adage 90% of passing is attitude. I know physically I am not much different then I was 40 years ago. Today I have little concerns about passing. 40 years ago it was a far far different story.

Like makeup, being out in public gets easier the more you do it. I think in part you become ACUTELY aware of how women interact with women (ie: you) and you mimic that behavior. (BTW-A LOT of that same behavior can be practiced in guy mode these days) A little confidence and practice can open up a whole new level of play. It was not long at all before I started feeling the true joy of being out in the real world as the real me.

I also know that deep fear you experienced. A few months ago I was on a business trip. As I wondered the airport waiting for my much delayed plane I started observing all the business women there in all shapes and sizes. How they were dressed, the various styles. And then CRASH. I can't go full time. I can't possibly pull off what they can. etc.. It took a few days  before I finally calmed myself down reminding myself I haven't spent 30 years developing "A look", only 3 part time. I don't have that great body of knowledge, only a great dream and a life long desire.

Though I don't fully feel it, I however do trust the people who tell me I have absolutely nothing to worry about. Real life experience backs that up. Of course I am nervous about having to be a smartly dressed business woman. I aint ever HAD to do that before. Well, I aint ever had to doa lot of other things before that I now do quite well