Fair warning: contains something regarding shark week that might be upsetting to read. I am not subtle about it, because it is not a subtle thing.


I acquired a new job some time ago and managed to navigate the hiring process without a single person knowing my history.
I'm assumed to be and treated as Joe Anyguy, which is awesome. I'm finally a functioning adult out in the work force.

But there's the paranoia. We (I and the rest of my household) are on a form of government assistance and this came up at work. I was (and continue to be) terrified that this will somehow, at some point, lead to being outed at work. The scenarios in my head usually play out with a government employee contacting work and for who-knows-why saying, "Yes, I'm contacting you about a MS. [full name]"  or "Yes, I'm contacting you about [name] formally [birth name]" or otherwise somehow, for no reason, revealing that I'm in their records as female. Perhaps contacting work simply in regards to "[full name]", the person at work saying "Blah blah, he" and being met with "He? That's odd, [full name] is in our records as female".

It's so bad I'm constantly, heavily considering dropping out of the assistance program even though we still qualify and could still really use the help. I've racked my brains trying to figure out if we could possibly scrape by without the assistance. I know that if we could, things would be extremely tight. But I am very, very tempted to drop the program just to not have that remote possibility hanging over my head, because if I get outed at work I'm not sure I could cope with it even if everyone were 100% cool about it (and I find that unlikely). I need that no one knows. At work there is never that split second, audible hesitation before someone refers to me, that I constantly hear from people who knew me pre-transition. I need that.

I've taken steps to assure that people who knew me pre-transition will never come see me at work on the off chance that they could slip up.

I'm additionally paranoid that, despite a complete lack of any hint of shark week since starting T, that someday at work the inner workings will suddenly spew forth like something out of a Tarantino flick. I can't begin to imagine how to salvage a situation like that. "Oh, that, yep... nope I don't need to go to the emergency room... nothing to be alarmed about, just an old... injury tearing open again, yeah that's what it is, guess I'd better see my doctor about it again." Being able to afford a hysterectomy is a long way off.

It's so bad I hesitate to post this even though there's no identifying details whatsoever. I'd hoped if I'd stuck it out for awhile the paranoia would sort of subside on its own. Instead as time goes on I keep thinking of more (admittedly improbable) ways I could end up outed at work.

I need advice from someone who's been through a similar level of paranoia, if possible. Thanks.

Dropping out of the assistance program to ease your paranoia will not help. It will just let your brain move on to something else to be paranoid about - or make the stuff you mentioned you already worry about even worse.

What is the worst that could happen anyways? Someone who answers the phone gets confused about why some random phone call thought you were female. They ask you about it, you laugh it off, and it is never brought up again.

I know how it feels to work yourself up over paranoia. Your brain can't stop thinking about it when it gets really bad. But you just have to keep reminding yourself that you think about yourself 10000x more than anyone else - other people you work with won't make the transgender connection even if all of your worst case scenarios pan out. We think about trans people all the time, but other people don't really have us on their radar in any significant way that something like this would out you.

If you worry about shark week randomly happening, keep a jacket around at work to tie around your waist and emergency supplies somewhere like a locked box in your car or backpack. Then you can go home to change clothes after saying you don't feel well or something.

Sorry if I don't remember your backstory, Blink, but is there a reason your details aren't updated with the assistance program (correct name, gender, etc.)?

Quote from: spacerace on January 16, 2015, 06:21:48 AM
Dropping out of the assistance program to ease your paranoia will not help. It will just let your brain move on to something else to be paranoid about - or make the stuff you mentioned you already worry about even worse.

This is the reality check I needed. Thanks. You're right, it wouldn't actually fix it. Part of me is so convinced something is going to go wrong - waiting for that rug to get yanked out from under me - that it'd be on to the next item.

The stupid thing is, the employees for this assistance program have NEVER used honorifics (it's never been Ms., Mr. or anything - just Firstname Lastname) when calling the house. There's no reason to think they would suddenly start using honorifics calling my work place. I'm paranoid and even remote possibilities are freaking me out.

Quote from: spacerace on January 16, 2015, 06:21:48 AM
What is the worst that could happen anyways? Someone who answers the phone gets confused about why some random phone call thought you were female. They ask you about it, you laugh it off, and it is never brought up again.

Not so sure about that. A government agency isn't "some random phone call" and I'm still kicking myself for an offhand comment I made about a less than masculine physical attribute of mine. The other person made reference to it some days later so they obviously remembered, and it was relatively minor. Something like this assistance program having me on record as female would definitely stick. If that in itself didn't out me, it has real snowball potential. One odd thing happens, maybe people start looking a little closer, start noticing more odd crap.

There is no way to fix this. I just have to do what I can, and after that regard it as an unavoidable risk. Getting surgery came with risks, "no surgery" was not remotely a viable option, so I did what was possible to minimize risks, and had surgery. Having a job comes with the risk of getting outed on the job, "not having a job" is not a viable option.

Kreuzfidel, no sweat, if you don't remember anything like a "backstory" on me that means I've done a solid job being vague. They have my name updated, but the old one would still be on record. The gender marker can't be changed right now for a few reasons I can't get into.

Thanks for the replies.