Courage had little to do with it. It was more like extreme guilt. It was THE right thing I needed to do for, no... owed,  the most important person in my life, best friend, soul mate, and reality therapist if there was going to any chance of staying together. I was feeling guilty enough after my second ever group meeting and not telling her how I was feeling. By then I absolutely knew I needed to be there. Something this important could not be done any other way besides face to face. When I was back in NJ my next long weekend off she was far from up to handling the news.

We long ago had to work out a system for talking about important grown up stuff. Essentially just setting up a time for a meeting rather than an out of the blue dumping. I forget exactly what I said. Roughly I told her that I've been going to a TG support group for the past few months and let the questions flow. Most of which I had no clear answers for besides 1) I am not planning on divorcing you. 2) I am not involved romantically with any of the members (I have a TS dating history she is well aware of). 3) I am not planning on getting my balls whacked off, going full-time and loosing my job followed by everything we worked and saved for.

Brutal honesty on both sides is what helped along with an open mind knowing that what you hear is said with love and not malice. Not everything can come out right the first time around. So don't let hurt feelings fester.  Avoiding TMI is difficult when you don't have answers just some free association going on inside your head, if that.

As I began to heal, so did our relationship. It has taken a long time for her to come to trust me again (Betrayal is a BIG hot button for her. After 30+ years of being a "Cross-Dresser" this kicked the table over) Today we agree the relationship is as strong or even stronger then it was 30 years ago. However, if I transition to full time she cannot promise, nor can I rightfully ask her to promise to stay. We both value the others happiness far above our own. She fully expects my sexual preferences to shift. Well she is far wiser than I am and indeed, my dreams have gotten a bit... disturbing. We have discussed the various options for a possible future together since she cannot imagine being able to live with anyone else (nor anyone else putting up with her!).  Many of the options were agreed to long ago when we got married after 20 years together.

One day at a time

Wow, what you write in the last paragraph sounds like about the strongest, healthiest, most honest relationship I have ever heard of. Her (and your!) attitude about the relationship is really beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

I agree with Jeni.
@ Joanne: Thanks for being so candid about all this. It really helps many of us who are not (yet?) at the 'transition or die' stage and so trying to find this delicate balance in our own lives.

Sleepnowmythrowaway,
Hope things are still going ok for you and also hope maybe things have taken turn for the better.

Thank you; I just checked in today to see if there were any new comments and found yours

No change, we're still intimate, I'm still developing...I've lost almost 30 lbs since Thanksgiving and have maybe another 10-12 to go ... So I'm looking more better feminine.

Boobs are a nice handful: when hit my weight goal I'm going in to VS to get measured for a bra ... That'll be interesting.

And next week, I switch from pills to injections.