So heres the thing, since I came out to myself and subsequently everyone else, life has been fantastic. Im not depressed anymore. I have hope. And from that everything else flows; every moment seems wonderful, i love my work and my friends and food tastes better, the lot. its been a 100% positive experience so far. even going out dolled up was just brilliant and happy. i dont feel afraid of anything anymore. except;
The only thing that has the power to frighten me is the idea that any one of the gatekeepers i need to pass to get HRT etc might think im a faker or just doing it for some sexual kick or something and say no, and prevent me transitioning and make me go back to the way things were. id kill myself before going back into the closet and living as a male impersonator again.
Is there a reason to fear? What are these people like? Are there right or wrong things to say? So far as I can tell I folow the TG story almost to the point of cliche... but what if they think otherwise?
How were your experiences with these people?

Find a reputable therapist who is either a gender specialist or has at least expensive experience working with transgender clients.  Then be as honest as possible.  If what you've said here is honest, which sounds to me like it is (reminds me a lot of my coming out to myself), then I don't think a therapist is not going to believe you. 

So just be honest with yourself and your therapist and you'll do fine.  Good luck and hugs.

Phew! Thank you.

Most therapists will believe you.

Also, do you live in the USA? If so, there is a good chance that you can bypass therapy for HRT by finding a nearby Informed Consent doctor or clinic. Many Planned Parenthood divisions will do this (and there is frequently one close by) or contact your nearest LGBT center for referrals.

Back to the therapist, it is VERY important that you tell them you are trans before you tell them anything else about yourself. Unless of course, you are uncertain. Make no bones about it and it will be a fact about you before they even meet you. That is vastly different from waiting a few sessions before telling them but it really keeps the gatekeeping at bay. They know from the start you are firm in your transition and you need them to help facilitate it. Usually they will have a free phone consultation with you before you meet the first time. Always talk with a potential therapist before giving them money. If they do not feel qualified to treat you they will often let you know and suggest someone who is more qualified. Also, if you get a bad feeling you can just end things when the phone hangs up. Nothing lost.

Im in the UK. My GP didnt know much about the process, but it looks like I have to be referred to a clinic by her, and then go and see them, then see them again weeks later, then if it goes well theyll OK the GP to write me a prescription.
The one in London said to expect to wait 56 weeks for the first appointment haha! So ive told my doctor i want to be referred to one that only suggests 8 weeks. Im going to see her again tomorrow morning to see what the score is and reiterate my determination in this. Id actually already asked for the referral last week but when i phoned up to have it redirected, they hadnt sent it, i guess as a fail safe incase i had changed my mind or something. As if.
In the meantime im just learning make up and clothes and body language, going out as much as poss as a woman, getting my friends used to seeing me in a dress etc, and generally trying to put the work in (and tbh loving every second), but this one thing niggles at me, so Im glad it sounds like maybe Im worrying about something I neednt.
There are regular group meetings in my town (Cambridge) and so im going to go along and learn everything i can from other more experienced TG people, but nothing compares to the knowledge ive found in posts on this site.
Thank you both so much for your insight, and for putting my mind at ease a lot.

Yeah, the UK can make you wait. The ones I have heard of that got to cut in line were firm with their therapist (and rarely in London). Came in presenting female (or male) and kind of took the driver's seat. I mean, therapy is just a hoop you need to jump through after all. Be prepared to wait in line though. About the only thing America does better when it comes to trans health than across the pond, is the start of the process.

Ha yeah i didnt own any girl clothes and hadnt crossdressed since 14 or 15 (except in my mind!), but bought a smart businessy dress, shoes earrings, a lot of razors etc and practiced the hell out of makeup to visit the doc, a bit overdressed both to boost my confidence and make my point. it was my first time out in daylight so was scary cos im not at all convincing, but i just feel so much more awake and capable and happy and i wanted her to see that.
im hoping that this confidence will swing the therapist too.. and my make up is a bit less wobbly now too!. thankyou again!
xxx

Doesn't the NHS also require 1 year of RLE before you can get HRT? If you are already living as a female I doubt a therapist will question if you are really trans or trans enough to qualify. Well, that is provided you aren't bat sh&! crazy 

You are very much in the driving seat here in the UK if you follow the NHS pathway. They want to see you are serious enough that they should feel you have a strong enough case for further progress. Anyone that gets an appointment at a GIC that expects the therapist to tell them what to do at each step will find their journey to be very slow and tortuous.

If you go private then it tends to be less strict, but then you are paying by the hour, so how fast you go is up to you.

I'd advise you to at least change your name via deed poll or statutory declaration, as well bank accounts, drivers licence, utility bills, professional qualifications etc. Document all these changes ie place a copy of these updates and also a note to say when it was changed eg. electric bill on 1/1/15; and put them all into a folder or ring binder. Put any letters of referral, community psychiatric reports also in your folder, it helps to keep it all together for your eventual GRC application. On the day of your first appointment at the GIC make a concerted effort to look female. As archaic and backward as it may seem, some therapists get snarky if you don't have on make up nor wear a dress or skirt. Whether their opinion of you wearing make up, a dress or skirt is politically right or not; they are the gatekeepers to your expedient progress and you want to keep them on side. First impressions last, right? Don't forget to also bring in your first appointment the folder/ring binder with all that carefully documented evidence to show them you have made a genuine effort to transition.

Don't expect to get HRT on the very first appointment at a GIC, typically your second or even third appointment is when they'll decide you are ready.

Pretty much what Leila just said. That's some excellent advice BTW Leila.

If you are in the UK and going via the NHS route expect to wait (though it's only 3 months RLE before HRT) and be prepared to manage your own care. You need the name and contact number of the next person you are going to see as well as an idea of when they should have contacted you by. You will need to make the phone calls to remind people you are waiting and to chase appointments.  And despite all this you will also have to remain polite and professional.

And get started on facial hair removal yesterday.

Best of luck, it may not cost anything up front but it isn't easy.

Rosie

Here in Ontario, we have a fairly strict and long pathway through CAMH, but it's possible to work outside the system if you want. My first step was to find a trans-affirming therapist that worked on a sliding scale. Second, I had my therapist refer me to a trans-affirming doctor, who started me on HRT. In Ontario, HRT is covered whether you go through CAMH or not. Even if this is not the case in the UK, HRT is not prohibitively expensive. Third, I had my doctor refer me to a trans-affirming urologist who will perform my orchiectomy this summer for $600 (about half price.) All the while, I have yet to present as a woman.

My point being, if you find the right people and you can pay a bit, you can do whatever you want.

If a therapist doesn't believe you're trans, they are the wrong therapist for you. Don't be afraid to hit the road and try someone new if it's not working. Therapists are like buses. You miss one, there's another one coming along any minute.

This is great info girls thankyou all so much!
I am going to dress up smart and go see my doc armed with info tomorrow.
Hair removal: check.
Ill go the NHS route for now; assuming I can go see the GIC person in the 7 or 8 weeks they suggested to expect on the phone that should be fine. its a bit of a drive but no biggy. and use the opportunity to ask a million questions. ill ask the GIC the best time to inquire about cancellation appointments, thats a good way of jumping the queue for the GP anyway! Presumably if that goes well theyll ask me back hopefully not too long after, and THEN pass me for hrt.
ive deffo found persistence and a friendly phone manner has helped running my business, and shopping around the GICs from a 56 week wait to 2 months seems to have been a solid move so Ill try and keep in mind everything youve said and keep that attitude as best i can. if it drags then ill just go private and buy whatever i need.

i love going out as a girl and find nothing bad happens and each time makes me more confident. as does improving my makeup and wardrobe and prosthetics! i need ffs and laser and hrt to ever look not like a ->-bleeped-<- but i feel like a million bucks already, its great i recommend it.
poker and going out with my friends this weekend and doing all the fun stuff we normally do, dressed as a girl, (well, a 32 year old woman!) and feeling happy inside, was like this strange wonderful inversion of an old nightmare;  out in public in a dress and everyone is isnt laughing (much) at me theyre just enjoying themselves and enjoying me being happy, quickly getting used to the new look. new entry in the top ten best experiences ever.
Im excited!!

this community is invaluable to me, thank you so much.

You are a rockstar babe. Hang on and don't ever give up.

As you have said this site has been an enormous help and I couldn't be where I am if not for the support of this community.

Big Hugs!

April

Quote from: alexbb on January 18, 2015, 05:16:11 PM
This is great info girls thankyou all so much!
I am going to dress up smart and go see my doc armed with info tomorrow.
Hair removal: check.
Ill go the NHS route for now; assuming I can go see the GIC person in the 7 or 8 weeks they suggested to expect on the phone that should be fine. its a bit of a drive but no biggy. and use the opportunity to ask a million questions. ill ask the GIC the best time to inquire about cancellation appointments, thats a good way of jumping the queue for the GP anyway! Presumably if that goes well theyll ask me back hopefully not too long after, and THEN pass me for hrt.
ive deffo found persistence and a friendly phone manner has helped running my business, and shopping around the GICs from a 56 week wait to 2 months seems to have been a solid move so Ill try and keep in mind everything youve said and keep that attitude as best i can. if it drags then ill just go private and buy whatever i need.

i love going out as a girl and find nothing bad happens and each time makes me more confident. as does improving my makeup and wardrobe and prosthetics! i need ffs and laser and hrt to ever look not like a ->-bleeped-<- but i feel like a million bucks already, its great i recommend it.
poker and going out with my friends this weekend and doing all the fun stuff we normally do, dressed as a girl, (well, a 32 year old woman!) and feeling happy inside, was like this strange wonderful inversion of an old nightmare;  out in public in a dress and everyone is isnt laughing (much) at me theyre just enjoying themselves and enjoying me being happy, quickly getting used to the new look. new entry in the top ten best experiences ever.
Im excited!!

this community is invaluable to me, thank you so much.

If you want my advice it's simple - go there fully prepared :~) Give them no reasons to doubt you - instead, give them reasons to be *amazed* at you!

Go as far as you can with it by yourself. I went in with name changed, living full time, thousands of words written in personal reflection ...

They simply had no choice but to fast-track me :~) I was totally approved in under three months. Show you are genuinely ready and it is all yours x.

You're lucky to have the UK system too, very similar approach to Aus. This is gonna happen :~)

Boo