following one of the last topics i posted here as was written over there about my latest emotional meltdown i had a about a month ago or around i was in realy bad shape and was self injuring almost every day while keeping it mostly to myself and had no one in my family know about it [they still dont know] and i was highly recommended by certain people here to get medical help and see a mental health proffesional.. at first i hesitated but at some point i decided i cant let it go any further and ive seen a mental health proffesional and since then things started to stabilise a bit and now i have what i call "a battery of proffesionals" behind my back with wich i meet regularily to monitor how im doing
i decided i cant no longer wait and i feel right to start hrt now again.. decided im mature enofgh right now and today i proved it to myself a little bit [explanation to be in next sentences] so i called to my old doctors office[ whom i hate he made me feel realy bad about myself with phrases like "you dont even look like half a female! or you dont even try!] so i called to make an appointment with the other doctor who works at that clinic [both of them work mostly with lgtb community] i heard that other doctor was realy fun and a nice person so i called an made an appointment with the main goal to get back to hrt.. and she was awesome and i liked her got good impression from her she did not say any offensive lines or comments and fluidly used female pronounce when adressing me so i left her office with [not hrt yet X D ] refferal to a blood test and an endocrinologist appointment.. thats where i stated to myself that if i did mature a bit from back when i stopped hrt i should take matters into my own hands and do all i can to prove it to myself.. i made all the appointments required. sent an email to my new doctor asking if i should return to her after the blood test and if i could start hrt again before the endocrinologist appointment wich would be in 3 months and it would make me feel a lot better to get back on it to gain some calmness again. she said she would do her best to get me back on hrt as soon as possible while i fullfill my own duties. so today i had the blood test on the morning i woke up in time as instructed by my doctor 3 before away from the set hour for the blood test and knowing myself that i tend to get realy stressed when i need to make a blood test or anything needle needing i started deep breathing excersises while waiting in life wich suprisingly helped a lot [thats where i proved to myself i matured even more by taking my own calmness into my hands and breathing excersising
im still being monitored by the mental health proffesionals at the hospital and other organisations and i actualy got an appointment to the mental health proffesional at the hospital next week [he asked me to come back to him a month since the last appointment so see how im doing [and its not about a month]
so im very excited to get back on hrt soon and am proud of myself to do what i did there.. pick my last remaining pieces of strengh and do something usefull to save my life with
last night i told my mother im going back on hrt and she said "you cant opress it anymore? cant keep it aside? i said nope i cant not anymore i want and am going back to hrt as soon as i can and i was somewhat amazed by her reaction as she always was an "anti transition" and she simply said "im not going to stop you then"
i dont count on her too much to give me freedom of expression but i got a plan b in case things dont go well.. one of my therapists helped me find a possible appartment for transgender young people that opens next month.. their main goal is to help those who need to leave their family house for their sake and help them learn to live on their own accord and by their own hands basicly take care of themselfs and she said that if things dont go well with my family to give her a call and she will help me get to the appartment with all she can do
so right now i work a lot enjoying my new computer and a little bit of my sanity back while being realy excited for hrt and pondering on what my near future will bring for me.. im getting better at maturing and doing my part in saving my own life
why thank you for all of you guys?.. if not for all of you girls and guys who said "go see a mental proffesional go get help you owe it to yourself and to no other then yourself i might not have been here at this rather good condition" so again thank you
yall have a good day =p sorry for the long potato
