I came out as genderqueer to a colleague at university today (hurrah!) - it was pretty great actually.  I am studying to be a counsellor and want university to be a place where I am out (at a pace suitable to my needs and vulnerabilities) in the name of congruence and authenticity.  Plus - after years of doubting and struggle it is now really really clear to me that being genderqueer is a clearly a part of my nature and an important part of who I am.

So I had the following conversation with my colleague (who was very friendly and accepting throughout!) in the context of an exercise around differences and similarities between us, when the difference of our gender had been raised:

Me "I don't actually identify as male or female; I identify as genderqueer"
Colleague "ok - but I'm nor sure I understand what that means"
Me  "Well there is male and there is female - I am somewhere in the middle or maybe off to one side"
Colleague ""I have heard of body dysmorphia?"
Me "It's not really to do with my body - I am happy in my body - it's more to do with gender roles and identity - like social roles and gender expression"
Colleague "Oh, okay.  I think I get it"

It was pretty ace that I came out, but afterwards I thought I didn't express myself very clearly and realised I could do with a really quick and simple explanation of what genderqueer means for when I want to come out but perhaps don't have the time for a long discussion about gender like I would with my close friends.  Anyone have any ideas or want to share their own experiences?  I am AMAB and usually present as identifiably male with varying degrees of androgyny (jeans, jumpersor belts from the women's section, sometimes painted nails etc)

Many go with a friends and family letter. You could add work or school to this.

Easy to get your feelings and words expressed.

Well, just as cis people don't understand trans gender you'll find binary people are remarkably clueless about what non binary means. You did a pretty good job there but you might also want to add what that means in terms of your hopes and expectations around pronouns and so forth. Such things are more clearly defined when someone fully transitions from one binary to another but might require more explanation if that isn't the case.

Wearing a miniskirt?

barbie~~

Quote from: saint on January 12, 2015, 03:15:32 PM
Anyone have any ideas or want to share their own experiences?  I am AMAB and usually present as identifiably male with varying degrees of androgyny (jeans, jumpersor belts from the women's section, sometimes painted nails etc)

Wish I had ideas. I ultimately decided that explaining that I'm genderqueer to everyone was too much trouble. I live as a trans woman now, and I talk about my gender identity only to close friends.

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 12, 2015, 04:08:09 PM
Well, just as cis people don't understand trans gender you'll find binary people are remarkably clueless about what non binary means. You did a pretty good job there but you might also want to add what that means in terms of your hopes and expectations around pronouns and so forth. Such things are more clearly defined when someone fully transitions from one binary to another but might require more explanation if that isn't the case.

As is often the case, IMHO Grace is spot on, and the cluelessness is not contained to the cis community, the binary trans community sometimes has trouble understanding non-binary as well.   
j

ps: A miniskirt might be a bit over the top.

Thank you for your replies!  I prefer male pronouns so that makes it easier for me in that respect.  I think because it is a counselling course people generally have an open attitude towards other people's experiences which is helpful.  I am out as bisexual and have not experienced any negativity and would be very surprised if I did.  Because there is a vibe where people are encouraged to talk about their lives and experiences it is important that I am able to talk about my gender identity, particularly in my personal development group.  I have thought about printing out copies of the "Genderbread Person" http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2011/11/breaking-through-the-binary-gender-explained-using-continuums/ which may explain things more simply.  Although yes, a miniskirt would probably be simpler still

Quote from: saint on January 13, 2015, 04:05:25 PM
Although yes, a miniskirt would probably be simpler still

Yes. Sometimes we need a kind of shocking event to enlighten people around us. It can be better than thousands of word talking.

Action first, explanation later 

barbie~~

What are your goals for coming out? That should determine what information you give people.

i tell close freinds and fams first and then put a post on facebook to automatically come out to everyone i know. people are super nice and happy for you. then everyone moves on to other things.

Quote from: alexbb on January 15, 2015, 10:13:02 PM
i tell close freinds and fams first and then put a post on facebook to automatically come out to everyone i know. people are super nice and happy for you. then everyone moves on to other things.

Yes. Facebook is a perfect place for coming out. Even my wife and little daughter read my facebook posts and pictures. People are far more open-minded and accepting than in the real world.

barbie~~

My goals for coming out in this instance are so that I can discuss my life and issues within a particular ongoing discussion group at uni.  So it is something I would like to do in person.  Think I will just bumble through and be prepared to answer questions if people don't get me.  It is an accepting group (if very cis het) so I am not expecting a lot of negativity. 

I would start with what you are more certain is relatively fixed. If your unsure, leave yourself an opening. That way they can learn those thing stable versus things that might change.

Hey Kendall, I am pretty secure in my identity as genderqueer

I actually came out to my discussion group today.  It went pretty amazingly well! I came out and a little while later a group member said that they didn't quite understand.  I had been speaking earlier about being the only queer person in the group (I identify as bisexual too) and sometimes feeling like I have to be a spokesperson for queer people.  The facilitator actually said taking that into account; would it be ok if my friend who I came out to last week explained it? We agreed it was.  That was really so helpful as I was feeling a bit emotionally tired out and not in the ideal state to go into non-binary ambassador mode.  My group were all very supportive and a couple of people said they felt my courage and honesty made them feel more comfortable to be themselves in the group and to share more of themselves.

So, a happy coming out story.  Yay!