I'm at the beginning of my journey in a lot of ways. I finally accepted my identity as transgendered last fall. I began seeing a (wonderful) gender therapist here in the DC area at the beginning of this year.

Today felt like a big step for me. My therapist has gently encouraged me to consider presenting myself as Grace rather than my male self, if and when I felt ready. I decided to do so today. There is a non-gender private restroom, so I could change there - I feel like I'm a very long way from presenting as Grace in public yet.

It was a mixture of feelings I haven't experienced before. On one hand, it was tremendously affirming to be seen and addressed as Grace, and there is a kind of peace I experience as Grace I have never, ever felt living as a male. On the other hand, it felt like I was wading into very deep and unfamiliar waters. My therapist is the first person I have presented myself to in my authentic gender, so there is much I am unsure of.

I will say that I noticed some interesting differences in my interactions with her compared to our previous sessions where I presented as male. As Grace I speak more slowly and interrupt much less, an unfortunate habit I tend to link to being excessively cerebral and taking male privilege for granted, I suppose. I am also able to be still in ways I can't as a male, when I cannot seem to live inside my own skin very well.

My previous posts here have been questions about others' experiences, so this time I thought I would share one of my own. I'd love to hear what this moment has been like for others.

Nerissa Grace

Congratulations, Grace! And welcome to the world!

It's so great to have a the*apist who is not only accepting, but also encourages (gently) to become oneself.

In my case, I was in therapy for about 8-9 months, and he knew of both myself and the male-self, although I rarely came out...one session I started it, but as "him", and about 10 minutes in I asked if it was OK to start speaking in the first person, since addressing myself as "she" and "her" was getting tiring.

It was a great feeling to be able to come out at will, rather than being asked to come out. I still get giddy thinking about that day. 

Congrats! I know what you mean. All my various therapists and counsellors reported that I was much more relaxed, open and happier presenting as myself - it really can help with the therapeutic experience.

Grace-

Congratulations on achieving a huge milestone! 

I know what you mean about the therapy session having a different feel and vibe to it. I went to therapy the first few times in male mode; my therapist was not putting any pressure on me to present either way - she said I could present in whatever way made me comfortable. When I finally got the courage to present as Eva the session had a completely different vibe to it which I can't explain but it was there. The therapist seemed to talk differently to me too, a lot more female to female and much less less female to male. And as Eva I felt free to open up and be myself which helped us explore and understand things a lot better. I never presented there as male again, and that was the beginning of me presenting as a female everywhere.

Congrats Grace. This is a huge milestone for you.

I obsessed for weeks over presenting as Joanne to my therapist. By the time I left his office there was such a sense of relief and shear joy over being out in the real world, in daylight (noon), as the real me.

I got the same sort of comments from him about the personality changes. Also from a few in my TG group that had the opposite view of exclusively Joanne and then one day John. (Just the visual alone is disconcerting  ). My main goal in taking on the trans-beast was to try to make me into one whole, healthy person. These days I still present male but the person is always (mostly) the same, Joanne.

Grace, congratulations. Not for nothing being yourself in front of somebody at least is a confidence booster and a good start to where you'll hopefully be if transition is in your future.

I presented male for only one therapy session. This was with my wife (so as not to focus on my dressing). I may have presented male at the first session but I'm not sure.

Otherwise it's been "Kate" all the way.

I even obsess over what I'm going to wear that day when I have therapy. I don't wear a dress because I am not out at work and I go from work to therapy. But I'm going to be out at work soon.

Now I go out in public as me all the time. 99% of the time I don't even get a second look. Not even going to the ladies room. I do get treated differently, as a lady should be (doors held open etc). It's actually quite intoxicating.

I feel much more at ease as me and I can open up. Hard to describe but I feel genuine and not fake.

I believe it is important to be who your really are during a therapy session. Sometimes it is the task of there therapist to get a person to that point. Being comfortable in what you present, really assists in honest communication. By the time I made it to my first session, almost two months after coming out, I had progressed to all female mode, be it rather andro in nature. I have since gotten rid of almost all of my 'male clothing'. I found that I just feel true to myself being dressing the way I do, and this affects how I think and act.

You will know when you feel ready! Trust that inner girl for guidance.

One session. I dressed for one simple session and went full time that day! It was like being awakened out of a 40 year coma. Some of my experiences were just like you mentioned yourself. When I sat down in the therapy room it was like a switch flipped and I became gentle, submissive (yet outgoing), and actually cried in front of someone. My whole personality reversed 180 degrees. I was born that day and have never looked back!

Thank you to everyone for the encouragement and your own experiences, it really does help. I am nowhere near as courageous as you, Jessica, but I'm working on it

Quote from: NerissaGrace on January 25, 2015, 06:09:36 PM
I am nowhere near as courageous as you, Jessica, but I'm working on it

Not courageous just too many concussions from my career! *giggles*