Hey Y'all

I'm one of the people here who managed to get through a good portion of her life knowing that she was in the wrong gender, but without it causing me the paralysing distress that affects so many.  More like a knowledge that I'd get it fixed one day, and the day for the final part is only months away.  Deriving pleasure from my genitals was not unpleasant, even though in my head I was always doing it as a girl.

However, as my GRS date grows closer I'm finding myself increasingly hostile to my genitals, in the sense of "You guys will be gone soon, thank heavens!"  And this weekend, with tights and a dress, I had a few moments when they hurt and I really thought how good it would be to get my GRS done already.

How did your feelings towards your bits evolve as your GRS date drew closer?

Hugs
Julia

I got to like less and less the fact that in the mirror my body looked good all except for that one part. Don't know if it was the fact that SRS was approaching, or whether it was because hair removal and HRT had made the rest of it look good.

I feel the exact same way Julia.  There was never any "hate"  just a sense of wrongness that they shouldn't be here.  Enjoying some of it's perks is only natural.  I'm also only a few months away from my grs, and I keep telling myself that I only have to deal with them a little longer!

I held extreme body dysphoria so it never changed my feelings towards it.

I did what i had to do.

Nothing more or less.

But after wow i was so glad that sight and feeling was gone.

Speed in recovery.

My reaction was sort of a cross between yours and Suzi's - probably because the point when GRS was scheduled was *also* right about the time my body started looking/feeling "right" in every other respect.  But the more I felt like everything else was corrected, and the less dysphoria I had about anything else, the more all that distress concentrated on the one area that was still horribly wrong. Over the course of a year or so I went from almost no genital dysphoria (not fond of it, but not distressed either) to increasingly awful dysphoria about that one area to the point where I couldn't stand to see it or think about it.

And then it rebounded when I went off HRT for GRS, and I spent that three weeks snarling threats at it about how its time was limited.

Thanks girls - interesting observations!

Jenna Marie - your last sentence really made me chuckle.... "you guys are in for the chop soon"

Hugs
Julia

Once I knew my surgery was coming and I knew that no force on earth could stop it, I don't know, just that feeling changed me. Leading up to surgery my attitude towards my old genitals was indifference. I had been living full time for a while and gotten used to tucking. In all honesty in the last year leading up to surgery I don't think I even noticed I had the old junk. I just didn't pay attention that much. Strangely a few years post-op and I stopped looking at the lady bits. The newness wore off and it was just my anatomy.

My thought has always been that it shouldn't be there but I have at times derived pleasure or relief from using it. Allot of my dysphoria was in being seen as a male when I knew I was female. For many years of HRT my hormone balance was too low so nothing down there worked but we have managed to get it all right and I've noticed I'm more active down there again.

I'm 8 weeks away from my op so I'm really looking forward to it being gone. I've been sending it little messages to say you're days are numbered  (56 of them to be precise) It's time it went as it doesn't belong with the female body I've got now. I guess that's what's really changed for me. Before I didn't want to be seen as male but had a male body but now I'm accepted as female and have a mostly female body and want the really bad part fixed up.

Time for Dr Chet to do his stuff

Hugs

Sorcha 

As the date got closer I began to be more meticulous and obsessed with tucking.  I was retucking a couple times, just to make sure, in women's rooms etc.  I was scared someone would see me through the cracks by the door.  This was especially bad for the three days we were in Montreal touring before I checked into the hospital.  It was obviously a relief that this was the last time I had to do that or suffer having that.

Im still taking care of my dressing concern
Even bought a roll of tape ans found out its hard
To tape
Looked into some gaffs but than why?
I am definitely not dressing to impress anyone or for men
Any more. I am 2 months less from srs. And I don't care to buy gaffe
Tape. Waste of money which to you may be silly but right now
Even 20 dollars to me is likehhaving a bar of titanium.

I cant stand it even more now. The site of it ....some days I used to wish j had
The baulls to cut of the baulls

Ill wait it out ...

Well I dont have a date YET with Dr Brassard, I have one letter and Im gonna get the other done after my FFS on Tuesday... Strange to me that Im actually more excited about SRS than I am FULL FFS in 3 days Its next and I know it WILL happen for sure now, not just some weird dream...

Anyway I in my 46 years I NEVER really liked those bits... They always felt wrong and when puberty hit and I realized I was gonna have to "be a man" it was hell... Back then though in the 80's  the words "transsexual" and "sex change" just seemed out of the question and something I knew I wanted but just way too bat->-bleeped-<- crazy...

My old man went completely insane after Veit Nam and I always worried that would happen to me... So I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with the whole man deal and just be "normal".... We just kinda coexisted and those little bits were just another part of a body Id grown to hate as a whole over the years... 

Well after years of totally overcompensating and just burying myself in very high paying hard labor Id made a couple million and I told myself I was "retiring early".... The truth is that by 39 I couldn't keep up with the charade any longer and I just had to stop living that hyper masculine lie...

All along more and more I became fascinated with "->-bleeped-<-s" and all the info that I soon found once I got online... Id CD and purge over and over and eventually I just decided I was DONE fighting it... I got over my fear of "going nuts like the old man" and just accepted the truth... I had to transition or die...

OK well that little thing was deformed on the end with whats called hypospadias, I never could pee straight very well so I always sat down to pee unless I was in front of other people and it always felt wrong and weird... Now after 10 months on full dosage HRT of course I pee the same as ever but now Ive been telling it that its days are numbered Also for the last few months I use some TP to wipe the end instead of giving it a shake... Just about every time I go now I wonder what its gonna be like to have the right parts...

Im looking forward to getting it fixed

I went from wanting to claw them out whenever they flipped flopped while I was trying to go to sleep , to wanting to protect them for having material for SRS... now that they're gone, I hardly remember what having them were like.

Made a couple of million Eva wow
I have to eat on  5k a year and and pay for electro
Makeup and food...I usually don't eat I.starve now
Wish j was white and.privalaged i would.not brag about it lol

WP I was the ONLY "white guy" on MY "Forge Crew", yea "others " got just as "rich" WORKING as I did

Heh that's diffwrsnt than
Well its nice to be able to hsbe been given that chance
Some are absoltely were not given that chance
Its not the world you think it is

Its what YOU make it girl

Heh oh is that so?
Well maybe your right yes
Geuss I shoumd have told off that Pimp who broke
My nose and forced me to work.
Oh Wait of course you can you had a mans life
Late life transition berating early transitions lack of
Opportunities
Maybe I should hace mads the best of it when I.was forced out
By everyone ...gone to male.shelters...oh right I.for raped
Back to tje streets. No Money lol...right all the answers
Oh well..

Quote from: Eva on February 21, 2015, 09:38:22 AM
Well I dont have a date YET with Dr Brassard, I have one letter and Im gonna get the other done after my FFS on Tuesday... Strange to me that Im actually more excited about SRS than I am FULL FFS in 3 days Its next and I know it WILL happen for sure now, not just some weird dream...

Anyway I in my 46 years I NEVER really liked those bits... They always felt wrong and when puberty hit and I realized I was gonna have to "be a man" it was hell... Back then though in the 80's  the words "transsexual" and "sex change" just seemed out of the question and something I knew I wanted but just way too bat->-bleeped-<- crazy...

My old man went completely insane after Veit Nam and I always worried that would happen to me... So I just tried to bury those feelings and get on with the whole man deal and just be "normal".... We just kinda coexisted and those little bits were just another part of a body Id grown to hate as a whole over the years... 

Well after years of totally overcompensating and just burying myself in very high paying hard labor Id made a couple million and I told myself I was "retiring early".... The truth is that by 39 I couldn't keep up with the charade any longer and I just had to stop living that hyper masculine lie...

All along more and more I became fascinated with "->-bleeped-<-s" and all the info that I soon found once I got online... Id CD and purge over and over and eventually I just decided I was DONE fighting it... I got over my fear of "going nuts like the old man" and just accepted the truth... I had to transition or die...

OK well that little thing was deformed on the end with whats called hypospadias, I never could pee straight very well so I always sat down to pee unless I was in front of other people and it always felt wrong and weird... Now after 10 months on full dosage HRT of course I pee the same as ever but now Ive been telling it that its days are numbered Also for the last few months I use some TP to wipe the end instead of giving it a shake... Just about every time I go now I wonder what its gonna be like to have the right parts...

Im looking forward to getting it fixed

Good luck with the FFS and 2nd letter Them bits will be gone soon enough and you can forget all about them. I know that's how I'm looking forward to it

Good Luck

Hugs

Sorcha 

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 01, 2015, 12:07:47 PM
Hey Y'all

I'm one of the people here who managed to get through a good portion of her life knowing that she was in the wrong gender, but without it causing me the paralysing distress that affects so many.  More like a knowledge that I'd get it fixed one day, and the day for the final part is only months away.  Deriving pleasure from my genitals was not unpleasant, even though in my head I was always doing it as a girl.

That's exactly how I've been feeling. Now I just see it as donor material for SRS. I actually had a messed up dream in which my parts fell off and I was stressed out, because I needed them back for surgery xD They annoy me when I'm confronted with them, but the thought that "one day" is coming pretty soon comforts me. Actually I'll be following in your footsteps two weeks later.