hello everyone.
i'm 16 years old and was assigned female at birth. however, i have recently discovered that there is a possibility that i'm actually male. in fact, i'm practically certain, but i just want to be 100% sure before i come out to my family and friends. that being said, i haven't officially come out in real life yet (the whole idea makes me horribly nervous, to be honest
).
truthfully, i didn't exactly know what the term "transgender" meant until a short time ago when another student at my school came out as transsexual. even then i didn't fully understand. but after researching ->-bleeped-<- and listening to other people's stories, i found myself questioning my own gender identity. looking back to when i was younger, i can see now that more than half the things i was dealing with totally indicated that i definitely did not mentally match up with my biological sex. for example, when i was taught what female puberty had in store for me at age 10 or so, i literally burst into tears and sobbed. my mother was very confused, as was i. i mean, aren't girls supposed to want breasts and all that stuff? i have no idea... i mean, i certainly didn't (and still don't), and i refused to wear a training bra in the sixth and seventh grades as a result. that is, until i realized that they made one's chest flatter.
i'm not even going to mention my reaction when i began my periods.
for as long as i can remember, i basically always preferred to wear what is typically considered boy's clothing. i feel ridiculous when i am forced to wear a dress or skirt and heels, and long for a male physique so much that it hurts. also, at some points when i was younger, i would attempt to prove my "manliness" to the other boys, and today, i primarily act like a male, and dress as androgynously as possible (i don't have many guy's clothes). plus, i crave for male friendships/relationships as opposed to female friendships/relationships (does that make any sense? is that part of gender dysphoria?). as you can imagine, it's hard to go to school everyday...
dealing with gender dysphoria and my disgust for my female body (along with other mental health issues that are somewhat related to this topic) is difficult at this point, and becoming worse, but so far i'm managing.
why couldn't i have just been born into the correct body?
well, i didn't mean for this post to be this long, but here it is. thanks for reading and i hope you are all doing well.
