Hi guys!

Is or had anyone been trying or tried the boiling frog strategy for transitioning on the job.
If you do or did, how are you doing it or did it and results.
I'm trying this strategy.
So far, since last year and going slowly, my steps are:
1. Getting the hair long
2. Started electro (not finished)
3. Getting the nails semi-long
4. Nails polished
5. Slowly trying to pitch my voice higher with female intonations (in French/English/Japanese)
6. Started HRT
7. Getting more and more unisex/women accessories.
Next step would probably be minor surgeries.
The goal is at the end, if I come out at work, people would connect the dots.
Of course every situation is different but it could give me/others some guidance.
I'm hitting 3 months on HRT this Saturday with some apparent effects.
One of my co-worker (female) has been staring at my chest bumps and shinny nails. Others at work do to but not too hard.
Something is telling me I should plan more sorely how I'm going to play the transition at work thing.
I also went through the guide to come out at the workplace.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace

Sonia

I wasn't prepared to wait that long plus I wanted to make the transition short and sharp. There's nothing wrong with going slow but the boiled frog isn't an accurate analogy since no matter how much you change the people around you are likely to regard you as male until you tell them otherwise.

This is exactly the method I used at my office but with one addition, I started by coming out at the office, then went full time and started HRT after going full time, meanwhile doing electro.

I did not want them to see me as a new person so I wanted to do it slowly but I did not want them to feel like I was hiding or deceiving them so I came out and did a small intro on being trans.

- Antonia

Quote from: BeingSonia on February 02, 2015, 08:52:32 PM
Hi guys!

Is or had anyone been trying or tried the boiling frog strategy for transitioning on the job.
If you do or did, how are you doing it or did it and results.
I'm trying this strategy.
So far, since last year and going slowly, my steps are:
1. Getting the hair long
2. Started electro (not finished)
3. Getting the nails semi-long
4. Nails polished
5. Slowly trying to pitch my voice higher with female intonations (in French/English/Japanese)
6. Started HRT
7. Getting more and more unisex/women accessories.
Next step would probably be minor surgeries.
The goal is at the end, if I come out at work, people would connect the dots.
Of course every situation is different but it could give me/others some guidance.
I'm hitting 3 months on HRT this Saturday with some apparent effects.
One of my co-worker (female) has been staring at my chest bumps and shinny nails. Others at work do to but not too hard.
Something is telling me I should plan more sorely how I'm going to play the transition at work thing.
I also went through the guide to come out at the workplace.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/A_Guide_to_Coming_Out_at_the_Workplace

Sonia

I like your approach.  That is how I (sort of seriously) plan to come out to the in-laws and extended family.  I'm debating not telling them at all and just let them feel awkward for a few years. 

If they say something, I might act offended and say something like "How dare you question my masculinity?!  Just because I'm wearing make-up doesn't mean anything.  And my boobs?!  Really?  Stop looking at my chest!  I'm correcting a hormonal imbalance with medicine, for your information!"  And just insist that I'm a man when they are around.  I'm thinking of doing that until my conscience gets to me too badly.  If nothing else, it will be hilarious and, by the time I tell them, maybe they'll be relieved. 

This is my plan with a couple more months to go.  It will be one year and a few months on HRT at that point.  If you can hold on I think it is the way to go for a few reasons.  It took a very long time to get HR organized and understanding of the issues.  Electrolysis will be mostly done.  HRT has had enough time to make major changes.  I had time to work on my voice, on makeup, mannerisms, and clothes.  Enough time that being out in public now I am starting to feel confident and comfortable.  I built up a support group at work of mostly female friends, which has gone so well the group is fairly large now   But that took time.  When the day comes at work, I will be (more) confident about everything and that will help me greatly in people accepting me.  I am risking my career, so it is important to me to maximize the acceptance level at work.  It is hard to wait, and I do understand that, especially as the time is getting closer for me.   I am fortunate that I am in an open minded place where I could start changing things, and people would not questions it.  There has been an couple of times where I have had minor comments, but I smile and say "Thanks!", and that really throws them off

Quote from: antonia on February 02, 2015, 09:05:44 PM
I did not want them to see me as a new person so I wanted to do it slowly but I did not want them to feel like I was hiding or deceiving them so I came out and did a small intro on being trans.

- Antonia

Yes. Actually, I was thinking to do it "half way", after the company's health check.
I'll probably get called in by the company's doc (always had a high cholesterol and now, a low red cell count since on HRT).
I'm not ready for fulltime yet...

Sonia

One question to ask yourself is what is full time for you?

You can wear jeans and a sweater and still be full time, there is no law that requires you to wear dresses and heals all day, after a couple of month you can put on a skirt or dress, etc

Quote from: BeingSonia on February 02, 2015, 10:07:41 PM
Yes. Actually, I was thinking to do it "half way", after the company's health check.
I'll probably get called in by the company's doc (always had a high cholesterol and now, a low red cell count since on HRT).
I'm not ready for fulltime yet...

Sonia

Quote from: antonia on February 02, 2015, 10:15:18 PM
One question to ask yourself is what is full time for you?

You can wear jeans and a sweater and still be full time, there is no law that requires you to wear dresses and heals all day, after a couple of month you can put on a skirt or dress, etc

True. Well, I have to wear business suits, even as an engineer (they don't dictate the color at least). More relaxed for women actually. I'll see.

I transitioned on the job and when it had gotten to the point that my baggiest button down shirts with an undershirt under it wasn't working well to hide my chest I knew the pot was boiling and this frog was done. I had plainly visible boobs, hair growing longer and longer, a higher pitched voice, a baby smooth face, and was looking more and more female by the day and one noticed what was happening right under their nose 

My boss did allow later that he had noticed the lack of hair on my face but he didn't really think anything of it at the time. People are caught up in their own little world and don't notice things that are right in front of them.

I tried the gradual change, including androgynous clothes, nail polish pierced ears and of course face cleared by laser.
The comment I got from one of my female colleagues was that she liked a 'man' strong enough to express himself. I realised the frog was completely soggy by then and came out to her and everyone else that I was transgender female. That was on a Friday, I went to work on the Monday in a skirt and blouse. Every woman in my Dept had polished finger nails to greet me.

The frog had turned into a Princess.

More like the princess stopped pretending to be a frog.


I did the slow change and say nothing until someone else did. It worked, but only because I had a strong ally.

I did this in 1989 - 1991 when I transitioned.I grew my hair out from a DA to a long red spiral perm,polished nails with clear polish and HRT and electrolysis.

I am doing this strategy at the moment (over 20 months on hormones, unisex wardrobe, long hair, higher voice) and so for I have learned that:
- people who are constantly seeing You on a daily basis wont notice any changes (apart of hair, weight loss etc) and would still see You as a guy consciously. Subconsciously, women become more friendly and open.
- new people (here the fun starts) often have no idea and if they are guys, they would hold a door for You until someone tells them.
The exact same outfit, presentation etc would have me gendered as female outside of job, so I am recently starting to think that transition on the job might be impossible.

The frog is just starting to simmer for me.  I haven't started HRT yet, actually just started therapy, but I have started doing some little things at work.  I wear polish of some kind, I wear a sports bra with a cami under my uniform, my hair has grown out, my behaviors have become more feminine (if only slightly).  I have come out to a few people at work, one person straight up asked me about it because she had heard rumors going around and wanted to find out from me, and not just listen to the rumors and gossip. 

I'm going to come out to my management and then HR the day I start HRT (hopefully in the next couple months), so that I can have a plan for trying to officially transition at work.

I'm kinda doing "boiling frog" but only because with guy clothes I hate looking at myself. So I dress underneath to keep myself on an even keel. Plus I present female outside of work so it's an easy matter of taking off an outer garment (sweater usually) and replace it with another more girly one and boom, girl mode.

But I also cannot go without a bra as it's very uncomfortable (sensitive). So I wear one every day. That makes it a challenge to hide but I just roll with it.

But the purpose of this is to relieve my dysphoria, not to put an image to anyone.

Eventually I'll do a sudden switch, probably this summer or maybe before. That's when I tell HR and my manager I'm going to go full time. Then I'll ramp it up and not hide at all.

I would get your HR and management involved as soon as possible so they understand what's coming. Or, if they are trans-hostile, I'd begin looking for work elsewhere immediately.

But if they are LGBT friendly, get them involved.

This is the exact thing I am doing. I started of just wearing small bras underneath my regular male shirt. I've progressed to makeup, lady like shirts / accessories, and wearing short mini skirts to work each day. It's definitely boosted my overall morale.

Work is the only place where I am not out, but I work out of the house most of the time, and only need to go into my local office (about 45 miles away) once every few months. I have lost about 70 pounds over the last year, and there is no question that the hormones have done their thing to my face, but with fairly baggy clothing, I can hide much of my growing curves around the hips. I suspect that some people might think that I am sick, because I appear to be pretty frail in boy mode. Fortunately, I always had somewhat of an eccentric side that showed up in my old male fashion choices, so I run with that when I need to go in. I am a number cruncher who doesn't have a lot of personal interaction with my colleagues. I am just going to have my therapist write a letter to human resources when I decide to officially come out. I suspect that they will just decide that I can work out of my house 100%, instead of just 98%.

This frog is almost cooked.

Quote from: Jenny07 on February 06, 2015, 06:37:22 AM
This frog is almost cooked.

Cindy grabs her matches and firewood.