Ever since I came out about be transgender issues, my problems have gotten worse. My depression worsened to the extent that I dropped out of my PhD program and enrolled at another school for a masters program in a totally different field. My ambitions I had as an undergraduate student are fleeting. My social life has become non existent. 

How does one get their life back on track fighting with their transgender feelings.I feel like it has destroyed or at the least derailed my future a great deal.

I am fighting with things in life. If I transition I am sure I would be solely into men, but I want genetic children some day. Also I would not be able to see my grandparents who raised my for the first 7 years of my life would not be able to take it (extreme anxiety and ocd, they might commit suicide given past attempts).  If I do not transition I can easily have genetic children and I would not have to deal with the process of transitioning or deal with all the anxiety and hate towards transgender people.

Which pain is worse?

The answer to this question is a living answer. Whatever hurts today may not in years to come. What salves you today just may ravage your soul. (Trust me on that one!  )

When I was graduating uni I experimented with transitioning. I found that "Being Normal(ish)" was less painfull. A few years later after my divorce, same experiment, same results. A few decades later sort of the same experiment, far different results.

I plead guilty to those that I failed in living up to their expectations. Hell, I wasn't able to live up to my own. In a large part that "I cannot fail" mentality hurts me to this day in my personal life. It also helped immensely in my professional life.

For the past 5-6 years I've been working hard at trying to sort out and learn who I really am. One thing for sure I learned is that, for me, there is no "Winning" the fight with my GD. Managing it, sure. Beating it? NFW. Peaceful coexistence is my goal these days. In fact I am almost there, today. Next week? Well.... One day at a time.

I fight my GD by wearing womens clothes and learning makeup, being girly, hanging out with my friends, working and enjoying my journey towards being a tall goofy woman.
even before hormones or ffs or sr, transitioning socially is fun in many small ways, and overall it like a dream coming true. i recommend it to anyone haha!
xx