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I felt normal.

Started by LoriLorenz, February 08, 2015, 12:08:37 PM

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LoriLorenz

So. This morning - I've been warned - I am being taken for brunch by a good friend. I am out to this particular friend and she is very encouraging. Getting ready for her arrival to pick me up I did something I haven't really done in a long time. I Watched myself do the morning things. I put lotion on my new tattoo, and I shaved my face. I have a small conglomeration of hairs on my chin that are far too sparse to be termed a goatee, and thus they betray my female features in that I look like a lady who doesn't care.

But back to the crux.

I shaved, and more than watch the mirror to minimize any nicks, I watched my eyes and my mannerisms. You know what I saw? Me, as I am supposed to be. Sure, I'm skiiiiiiny, and bony, but Lorenz was looking back out of the mirror. With the clearest, brightest and dare say I? Challenging, look. As if my reflection dared me to step in to the natural of the moment with my dress shirt unbuttoned and the towel across my shoulders as I rinsed my razor.

I felt for the first time completely at ease with myself.
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Orangaline

That sounds really empowering, im happy for you!
I am rehearsing for a role, and the role is my life.
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Maleth

Very awesome. Thank you for sharing this moment with us. :) I wish you luck on your journey.
~Maleth
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LoriLorenz

Quote from: Orangaline on February 08, 2015, 12:14:11 PM
That sounds really empowering, im happy for you!
It was! and is!

It felt like stepping into myself as I have always been. At 32, I would have been shaving for 16 years (give or take) and I FELT like I had been doing just that. There was no hesitance, no worry over cutting myself, just going about my normal business as I have *always* done.

Part of me is going... how is it that it's THIS easy for me? and the other part is going, just take the ball and RUN, don't ask how you got it, just GO and SCORE!
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J.smallz

Good for you man i love when this happens


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Jameson

Wow, sounds like a seminal moment for you. Congrats!
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LoriLorenz

Quote from: Jameson on February 11, 2015, 07:53:56 PM
Wow, sounds like a seminal moment for you. Congrats!
Being the language geek I am, that tickled my funny bone. Seminal being from the same root word as semen of course! ;D
Quote from: J.smallz on February 11, 2015, 07:24:18 PM
Good for you man i love when this happens
It was an awesome feeling, slightly light-headed, but awesome  :D
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DeanJulian

That's fantastic, must have been really great, congrats! :D
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BORNTOFLY

That's beautiful bro, I'm happy for you! There's no other feeling than genuinely loving the soul you see in the mirror :)
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Taius

This sounds absolutely fantastic, I really hope I can find myself in that moment someday soon!
Grats man! :D
"Abusers are only as good as the sympathy they can get, and the empathy they can't give out."
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LoriLorenz

Quote from: DeanJulian on February 17, 2015, 12:16:52 PM
That's fantastic, must have been really great, congrats! :D
It was awesome. Was also slightly shocking! You know that cool shiver feeling you get when things are eerily perfect? Yeah, that happened and it was goooood.
Quote from: BORNTOFLY on February 17, 2015, 01:09:21 PM
That's beautiful bro, I'm happy for you! There's no other feeling than genuinely loving the soul you see in the mirror :)
You know, I've always had this little feeling that I was watching my life over my shoulder. I would do stuff without really thinking, but even so I was wondering if I was doing the "right stuff". I used to chalk it up to being Deaf and bullied in school so I was always "watching" out, but now... I think it was more I was trying to fit the female the world told me I was instead of just being me.
Quote from: Taius on February 17, 2015, 01:30:55 PM
This sounds absolutely fantastic, I really hope I can find myself in that moment someday soon!
Grats man! :D
Thanks, I hope you get that moment too! Everybody's gonna have a different experience, but this kinda stuff is great to share. :)
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