So, Ive searched the forums, cant find this question, or any experiences that relate.

I consider myself late-blooming mtf. I mostly did all the right things all my life to present as hetero male.  I don't crossdress, have never felt "driven" to dress. I am recently in therapy, I am attempting to resolve lifelong issues that are most likely created by underlying gender issues, as well as those gender issues. Im not on HRT, that is a bit down the road, TBD if even medically possible. But a lot of my reading, here and elsewhere, suggests that I might provide some immediate short-term angst relief by 'adjusting' my presentation in minor ways, that only I know about, such as painting my toenails or wearing women's under garments, that kind of thing.

In my 60+ years, Ive never been arrested, never sat in the back of a police car, never been inside a jail or even a police station for any reason. But I fear, what if 'that which has never happened' actually happened? Like maybe, I stupidly got stopped for DUI, or didn't have my wallet at a license check, or was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I mean, thanks to movies & TV and news stories, Ive got some pretty hard-core videos that run in my head of what being in a county lock-up is like. And that's not a place I can imagine being 'outed' would be survivable, at least for me. I don't handle myself well in strange or group situations anyway, and Im def not a fighter, or menacing, or 'butch' in any way whatsoever.

Am I just being over-the-top melodramatic?

Before I transitioned myself I worked for the State Corrections Dept. for three years. In the two facilities I personally worked it was never an issue. We had inmates who dressed gender appropriate as best they could and they seemed to have just the issue's all others had. They did not seem to have it any better or worse. It is my understanding that county jails are a whole other subject entirely. They seem to have more violence and attacks than state institutions. If you have no record and violate no laws you should never have to deal with this fortunately. Either way prison and jails are all about survival no matter who or what you are. It simply is what it is.

NJ state prisons can be rough. A friend of mine worked at EJSP (Rahway) and he was assaulted several times. Got his head busted so much he eventually retired with disability. Prison is not a place to be. I am on my toes to stay out of it.

From my understanding from people in the know at the state level, and likely many counties (depends on the state) the cops are given "Diversity Training" and are told how to deal with a trans person. Back in the old days we used to have a sort of "Get out of jail free" card from a therapist to pull out if we got stopped and given a hard time over our presentation. They piled on heavily back then about the law and "Disguising" yourself is a crime etc..

Of course the local cops and sheriffs are a crap shoot.

Best advice is if you are out, never drink. Here in NJ it is nearly futile to even think about going out for a drink and driving anytime soon afterwards. The limit is crazy low. One drink and it's 2-3 hours later you can safely drive. A DUI arrest may land you in the local lockup for a while. The days of calling a friend to pick you up at the roadside interview are long over.

Cops are worried youre going to pull a gun and shoot them in the face.  they always err on the side of suppression  just because their jobs are so dangerous. if theyre really rough with you be completely compliant and sue them later, if you like. finding some guy wearing womans panties while tapping him down would probably make for a once or twice-told beer story for them later, thats it. they see CRAZY terrible ->-bleeped-<- all the time. if youre just a normal person who doesnt do crazy criminal stuff, its about as worthwhile worrying about as an airliner falling onto your house.

i think times are changing on this matter quite a bit, these days, transgender people are pretty common on tv and in movies, and not just as creepy freaks. most people are eager to be suportive and the ones who are mean look like jerks in front of everyone else. its cool! ive been meeting clients or hanging out with my friends in pubs and bars fully made up, dress, the lot, people are pretty much fine with it.  i know i look daft but i get a bit of confidence from trying hard with makeup practice and wearing non-insane looking clothes. its ace!  enjoy yourself, no one else can enjoy your life for you!!

Do not drink and drive.

If you have not been involved with the law then why worry about it in the future? What you think from movies is Hollywood.

I was arrested when in my 20's and did 6 months ordered outpatient with mandatory witnessed testing, group and therapy . I was not expressing. I was treated professionally by everyone. Unfortunately it was another 8 years till I hit bottom and am now clean and sober 17 years.

My first professional job after college had me going to lots of different campuses. One contract had me going to state prisons and inspecting every square foot (minus the execution trailers) and modeling the campus for energy usage and making reports to save energy. I was shoulder to shoulder with inmates ( I even ate the food but ate with the guards)and had a guard assigned to me. The contract was through the Governor's office  so when an inmate asked I just told them I am inspecting the prison through the Governors office. I saw a lot in those prisons. I swore I would leave the country before I served 1 day in prison. This is one instance where you can get hurt being new.  I was really really dumb and learned real quickly. One time I was inspecting the 4th level above a cells of the block ( 3 levels for inmates and the 4th was above the 3rd tier). There were 2 inmates talking on the narrow walk. I thought nothing of it and just squeezed between the two. The guard got super hyper and did a bunch of hurried apologies. I did not know I broke some code of respect and they could have gotten pissed and thrown my over the side.

Download Injustice at Every Turn. There is a section about sexual violence in prisons. I was very surprised at who does the majority of sexual assaults in prison, it is not the inmates. Perhaps inmate assault is just not reported.