Quote from: Ms Grace on February 09, 2015, 02:22:30 AM
The thing about trans groups is that sometimes the only unified thread the members have between them is their gender struggles. Beyond that there may be a world of difference in likes, dislikes, interests and everything in between. Doesn't really make for much of a social environment at the best of times.

At least there i am referred to as she, however grudgingly it is something to savor.
Okay, i am grasping at straws here but i think a bit of Pollyanna is called for under the circumstances.
Also as has been pointed out in the thread i can in time have my say as to how the group develops,
that´s an opportunity and a challenge to keep me focused on positives.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on February 09, 2015, 02:27:28 AM
I find this topic to be very insightful and interesting, as I am starting to run a support group here and am very curious to avoid as much obstacles as possible. Trying to generate topics which would be interesting to discuss for all participants and avoid those which are specific to only one group is one of the challenges. Moderating the group is another.

Glad you find this thread of interest, was not expecting it to receive so many comments.
i am learning a great deal from it as well.
Good luck with the support group 

Yeah, I hope it does not sound like a selfish purpose - and I do feel sorry that You have run into this kind of situation - but this is exactly the situation I will trying to avoid when we will (hopefully) start attracting more people. And I will say it again - it appears that Your group is not organised very well, or do You manage Your meetings and topics for discussion by Yourselves (and in case of affirmative, maybe senior members are taking up all the time and do they really need support of the group - of they just come there to socialise, while others might be seeking support)?

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on February 09, 2015, 03:04:24 AM
Yeah, I hope it does not sound like a selfish purpose - and I do feel sorry that You have run into this kind of situation - but this is exactly the situation I will trying to avoid when we will (hopefully) start attracting more people. And I will say it again - it appears that Your group is not organised very well, or do You manage Your meetings and topics for discussion by Yourselves (and in case of affirmative, maybe senior members are taking up all the time and do they really need support of the group - of they just come there to socialise, while others might be seeking support)?

No it´s not selfish, i started this thread but don´t own it, am genuinely glad it´s of use to you.
Yes i believe they just come there to socialize, there is no moderation really, the senior members take up most of the time.
i think it´s because of lack of adequate housing that it turned that way, the first meeting i went to was moderated to some degree.
It´s hurtful to be left sitting there twiddling thumbs, but i am still glad that this group at least exists.
The housing problem should be resolved at the end of the month, so i hope that´s when it will start to become better for newbies.
But there is one place where i will draw the line.  If i ever get a "huh what did you say?" again when i state my name i am going to make a scene.

Quote from: lindagrl on February 09, 2015, 07:14:20 AM
But there is one place where i will draw the line.  If i ever get a "huh what did you say?" again when i state my name i am going to make a scene.

Linda, at least it wasn't a "huh what did he say?"  Seriously though, I was just sitting here thinking about a situation like this that happened to me that made me realize in the end, it was just a misunderstanding. Is it at all possible that they just didn't hear you clearly when you introduced yourself? I know from experience that when we're nervous when we speak to a group we hear one thing in our head and it comes out sounding completely different to other people and you don't realize it until you hear a recording of yourself. Could they have just been wondering what you actually said your name was, perhaps they heard Lyndon but weren't sure and didn't want to embarrass you?

Hugs, Raquel

Just my 2 cents.

Remember that you are fairly new to the group (at least that is what I assume), many in the group will have an anxiety about new members just the same as you have an anxiety about participating in the group. To use a fairly extreme terminology, everyone is going through a threat assessment. Are you going to be a good fit for the group, is the group going to be a good fit for you.

Probably as time goes on and you start to feel more comfortable with the group and they with you then you will fit with the group better. Even if you never feel comfortable with speaking up, learn from the group. Let this be a place where you can start to come out of your shell.

Quote from: Raquel on February 09, 2015, 10:51:09 AM
Linda, at least it wasn't a "huh what did he say?"  Seriously though, I was just sitting here thinking about a situation like this that happened to me that made me realize in the end, it was just a misunderstanding. Is it at all possible that they just didn't hear you clearly when you introduced yourself? I know from experience that when we're nervous when we speak to a group we hear one thing in our head and it comes out sounding completely different to other people and you don't realize it until you hear a recording of yourself. Could they have just been wondering what you actually said your name was, perhaps they heard Lyndon but weren't sure and didn't want to embarrass you?

Hugs, Raquel

Hi Raquel
Well i suppose it´s possible, but i thought i was making sure that i said it clearly, at least the second time. (happened twice that evening)
i have been told by a T that there is division within the group, that some there consider themselves more women than others, especially
those that are just starting their transition. This is the reason apparently that many don´t go to these meetings.  The second one that said huh
was the first trans woman in the country and when i repeated my name, she was not friendly about it, just turned away and did not speak to me again.
Like i wrote in earlier replies there are three there that i like and am getting to know a little bit, so it´s a start and i am going to try and connect more
with them, but i am serious about standing up for myself, anyone turning their nose up at me for no reason will get to know the bitch in me. (sweet smile)

Quote from: White Rabbit on February 09, 2015, 11:33:55 AM
Just my 2 cents.

Remember that you are fairly new to the group (at least that is what I assume), many in the group will have an anxiety about new members just the same as you have an anxiety about participating in the group. To use a fairly extreme terminology, everyone is going through a threat assessment. Are you going to be a good fit for the group, is the group going to be a good fit for you.

Probably as time goes on and you start to feel more comfortable with the group and they with you then you will fit with the group better. Even if you never feel comfortable with speaking up, learn from the group. Let this be a place where you can start to come out of your shell.

Yes those are good points White Rabbit and i will be giving everyone a benefit of the doubt, until it´s beyond doubt that there is hostility.
Would be best if i just ease into the group slowly as you say and that´s what i will be trying to do.

It's really a shame that some women feel so insecure with their own transitioning that they feel the need to make others feel bad about theirs, especially at what is supposed to be a support meeting. It's really too bad that there isn't some kind of etiquette that needs to be adhered to nationwide at these meetings like there is at AA meetings so that you know that this kind of behavior isn't supposed to be tolerated and could be reported to a higher up. If only there were more structure for our Trans community.

Hugs, Raquel

Quote from: Raquel on February 09, 2015, 12:22:29 PM
It's really a shame that some women feel so insecure with their own transitioning that they feel the need to make others feel bad about theirs, especially at what is suppose to be a support meeting. It's really too bad that there isn't some kind of etiquette that needs to be adhered to nationwide at these meetings like there is at AA meetings so that you know that this kind of behavior isn't supposed to be tolerated and could be reported to a higher up. If only there were more structure for our Trans community.

Hugs, Raquel

You know i was thinking the same thing, there is a need for guidelines within the group community.  Am a bit surprised they have not been developed yet.
Yeah, it´s a shame that people with the same interests can be petty to each other, but it happens within every group of people.
i can appreciate that an honor hierarchy develops in all groups, you often have to start at the bottom and work your way up and to some degree it is fair,
but when it comes to trans groups and recovery groups the newcomer really needs to be made to feel welcome.  If i make it into being accepted within
the group i hope i don´t forget that.
Hugs Linda

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 09, 2015, 02:22:30 AM
The thing about trans groups is that sometimes the only unified thread the members have between them is their gender struggles.

And Ms Grace is totally correct!  Linda, there's no reason why you should feel obliged to attend this group just because the only common thread is transness, if such a word exists!  I'd suggest that you give it a couple more tries, but don't stress if you really find that there's not much to talk about. 

xxx
Julia

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 09, 2015, 01:50:09 PM
And Ms Grace is totally correct!  Linda, there's no reason why you should feel obliged to attend this group just because the only common thread is transness, if such a word exists!  I'd suggest that you give it a couple more tries, but don't stress if you really find that there's not much to talk about. 

xxx
Julia

Ms Grace is correct i am sure.  The thing is i do feel obliged to attend this group, i want to be granted HRT and to get that i need to show
that i am coming out and am serious about transitioning, but okay i won´t stress if i have little to talk with them about, where i am heading
is the most important thing to me and i won´t lose focus on that.  If the group does not like me attending, tough trans titties, i will anyhow. 

Linda, I wasn't able to view your profile until today so I just thought it was a typo when you said that the group you're going to is the only one in the country. Now I see that you're in Iceland! Wow, so I guess you really have slim pickings huh? I thought it was bad in Southwest Kentucky, but at least I wouldn't have to go to another country to find a group. What are the chances any of those girls are members of Susan's? It's a small "Trans" World. Just keep that in mind, if any of those girls do have evil thoughts and have read what you've been posting, they might just try to provoke you and screw with you on purpose since they know that they are getting to you. I don't say this to make you paranoid, just to make you aware.

Hugs, Raquel

Quote from: Raquel on February 09, 2015, 02:48:01 PM
Linda, I wasn't able to view your profile until today so I just thought it was a typo when you said that the group you're going to is the only one in the country. Now I see that you're in Iceland! Wow, so I guess you really have slim pickings huh? I thought it was bad in Southwest Kentucky, but at least I wouldn't have to go to another country to find a group. What are the chances any of those girls are members of Susan's? It's a small "Trans" World. Just keep that in mind, if any of those girls do have evil thoughts and have read what you've been posting, they might just try to provoke you and screw with you on purpose since they know that they are getting to you. I don't say this to make you paranoid, just to make you aware.

Hugs, Raquel

Raquel, it´s fine if they are members here, i have only written the truth as it appeared to me.  i come here for info, advice and writing about what´s on my mind.
i can´t imagine any of them objecting to that and if some do it´s their problem really.  But point taken, will be on my guard.