Does anyone else have a serious problem of straight cis men flirting with them? Like, I'm on this site a semi-dating semi-facebook social site (I use it as a social site to keep track of local events and such). My profile clearly says I am a trans man, there are photos of me and it also says I am pansexual but not currently looking for a man. The amount of creepy messages from straight cis men who think of me as a 'cross-dressing fetish' or simply ignoring my gender.

Anyone else have this problem and any tips on how to get guys like these to just leave me alone or take me seriously as a guy?

Could it be because you actually mention that you're not looking for cis man and they're being idiots and bother you about it to see what you'll do?

Quote from: makipu on February 09, 2015, 03:31:29 PM
Could it be because you actually mention that you're not looking for cis man and they're being idiots and bother you about it to see what you'll do?

Nah, I get the feeling that most of them don't even bother reading my profile at this point. Generally the site is alright but there's a lot of guys that are only on there for hooking up.

Quote from: Remiie on February 09, 2015, 03:39:52 PM
Nah, I get the feeling that most of them don't even bother reading my profile at this point. Generally the site is alright but there's a lot of guys that are only on there for hooking up.

Is your image on your page/profile there?  If they aren't reading your profile, is it possible they are seeing your picture and thinking you are actually a cis woman?

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on February 09, 2015, 03:57:08 PM
Is your image on your page/profile there?  If they aren't reading your profile, is it possible they are seeing your picture and thinking you are actually a cis woman?

On every page (even the messaging system) right next to my username is my gender age and location. Username is right next to my profile picture. Its possible they are just looking at my profile picture and ignoring everything else like you said but its literally on every page. I hate the idea of them thinking I'm a cis woman from my profile picture but I do have a really feminine face so its not that surprising. 

Is the part of your profile that says you're a transman and not interested in cisgender men at the very tip top? When I had an online dating profile, I put it in a specific heading in there that I felt fit best, and people seemed to just gloss right over it. Then I moved it to the very top, put some of these bad boys *** on either side, and while the amount of messages I got dropped way down, I suddenly got them from the people I was looking to be messaged by.

Quote from: ftmax on February 09, 2015, 04:25:47 PM
Is the part of your profile that says you're a transman and not interested in cisgender men at the very tip top? When I had an online dating profile, I put it in a specific heading in there that I felt fit best, and people seemed to just gloss right over it. Then I moved it to the very top, put some of these bad boys *** on either side, and while the amount of messages I got dropped way down, I suddenly got them from the people I was looking to be messaged by.

The trans man part is right next to my username at the top of the page. I'm putting the dating preference in the top of my profile information in bold and hopefully it might make a difference.

I get this all the time on dating apps/sites. Not just trans-fetishists/->-bleeped-<-s, but bi-curious (primarily straight) guys who think I'd make a great starting point since to them I'm not "really" a guy. Also just straight guys in the world who don't care to read profiles or listen to me, but just want sex or whatever.

It's very frustrating.

For me, I had a lot of issues with straight guys who seemed to be the type to fetishize lesbians and whatnot. I haven't dated online, but I had several experienced with misogynistic jerks who would become even more persistent once I told them my name was Dean and I had a girlfriend. Its gross, clearly I am not and will not ever be into you, so leave. Those types of guys I would just completely ignore. Never ever respond.

Not that I'm on those sites, but I personally wouldn't put my trans* status out there for ->-bleeped-<-s to see.

I do wonder how many straight cis guys actually understand what "trans man" means...

But you're roght, chances are they're not reading it just responding to your pic without engaging their brain.

Quote from: Ms Grace on February 10, 2015, 03:26:45 AM
I do wonder how many straight cis guys actually understand what "trans man" means...

Very few in my experience.

A lot of sites like what Remiie is describing have some creeps on them. I was on a local board that advertised shows and such in my hometown, with a singles subsection I never even looked at. I posted an add when I was moving countries to sell a lot of my stuff and even though there was no picture or name I got plenty of straight guys asking if I was a "hot chick with no strings attached". Really guys? I was selling a couch and a dresser.

Everyone on dating/hookup sites gets harassed by men. Women and transgenders (including lesbians) get hassled by straight men, straight men by gay men. These types of men, who message bomb many people of a certain persuasion with the hopes of receiving a response, are ubiquitous.

Putting your main profile pic as yourself will make yourself more of a target, because they only see the pic and will not bother to read anything else.

Just block and move on.

Quote from: yaka on February 10, 2015, 05:03:24 AM
Everyone on dating/hookup sites gets harassed by men. Women and transgenders (including lesbians) get hassled by straight men, straight men by gay men. These types of men, who message bomb many people of a certain persuasion with the hopes of receiving a response, are ubiquitous.

Putting your main profile pic as yourself will make yourself more of a target, because they only see the pic and will not bother to read anything else.

Just block and move on.

Yes.


I find myself in the horrible dilemma of being attracted to men and yet rejecting their advances because they clearly fancy me for what I'm not - a woman.

Quote from: pianoforte on February 09, 2015, 10:41:59 PM
I get this all the time on dating apps/sites. Not just trans-fetishists/->-bleeped-<-s, but bi-curious (primarily straight) guys who think I'd make a great starting point since to them I'm not "really" a guy. Also just straight guys in the world who don't care to read profiles or listen to me, but just want sex or whatever.

It's very frustrating.

This was largely my experience as well. Super frustrating after expressing multiple times that I'm not interested in anyone that was born as and identifies as male. It all just comes off as incredibly rude on their part. I would expect that kind of behavior and mentality on Grindr or other hookup apps, but not on dating or social networking sites.

Someone brought up the point that these guys might not know what trans man means - and I agree, most people's response to that word is "o.O"

Beyond that, it's just an unfortunate reality of the territory, for cis or trans people. Most people don't understand what it means to be transgender, and they don't understand what dysphoria is and how it affects us. For a lot of guys, it's like "oh, you have this part and I have this part, we should be good to go!" You can't control what they do or think, all you can do is block and ignore, and wait for messages from someone you might actually be interested in.