Heya, I am new here obviously, just trying to find a bigger pool of FtM people to talk to. I did talk to a university counselor for about a year, and tried going to the local LGBT club (I am an international student, currently at a graduate level). My family still doesnt really support the news I told them but at least are somewhat considering tossing in the right name once in a while.
I am originally from Russia, and even though my mom studies gender and feminism, trans never was really present in any of the conversations and the society in general was from very cold to downright hateful to anyone who wasnt cis/hetero. I was by myself a lot after I came to US to study (no extended family here), so that gave me a lot of time to think about who I am. I started cosplaying as one of my favorite male characters I identify with a lot, and when I found out that binders exist I got one and I felt way, way better when I put it on. As I continued cosplaying, people would address me as the name and gender of the person I cosplayed as, and it was like a breath of fresh air. I smiled way more, and became more social, even though most of the interaction outside of meetings was online. I dont like my voice (it gives me out right away, and I wont have funds for transition for a long time) so I communicate a lot more in writing than I do in speech. For several years now I have been trying to live my live as a male, doing a social transition rather than a physical one. It has its ups and downs, but it helps that I found a name that I strongly identify with.
Dragonheart has been a favorite film of mine for a while, and knights grabbed my attention in particular. The idea of being honest and strong, even if its just to yourself, kind, noble and caring to a point of self-sacrifice at times just seemed right to me. Preserverence is also important to me, I have hope that there will be a brighter day and something better after the trials of today and the past. My friend was tossing out name suggestions rapid-fire and 'Lance' was the one that was just 'thats it'. lance is a weapon that is not powerful if standing still, but can knock obstacles out of its way if given enough force (as in jousting). It also means 'land', similar to how the first character I cosplayed for real - Riku - also means land, and as an element its connected to how I am pretty grounded when coming to solving problems and such and have a strong sense of connection to important people in my life (how land connects everyone). Also its short for Lancelot which is a traditional knight's name in people's mind. And its not ambiguous as to if its male or female.
Well thats my story hopefully will see me around on forums :3 I tend to lurk and read more than post though.
