I've been out of the dating game for a long time. After my divorce in'98, the last thing I wanted was to start dating again.

Does anyone have an opinion of whether or not dating another transgender works out? Its kind of like someone who has been through a war. No one else but someone who has been through it can fully understand how you feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are plenty successful men and women transgender/"normal" relationships that do just fine. I've wondered many times if finding the right transgender M to F would would work better for me than the former.

Sam1234

I never dated someone MTF but I would think that it wouldn't really matter if you both are trans or not after a while because after the first couple of months after getting to know each other that trans part of your life wouldn't be on the agenda so much.

I'm married to a cis woman and we talk about trans related stuff maybe 1% in our daily life together. A relationship has to do with so many factors that I think would influence more if you're a "match" or not. If I had a relationship with a MTF we might talk about trans related stuff a bit more but I don't think it would take up prob more than 5% of our lifes together unless one of us just started our transition. The topic of being trans would just be like something we had in common I guess to just like any other thing you might have in common with a partner. But then again this is just me imagining how it would be for me, but I don't think it is any different than dating a cis woman other than the two of you having being trans in common.

I guess I'm still gun shy. My ex was ok with enough to get married, but instead of getting closer as time went on, she revealed more and more about what she didn't accept about me being a transgender. At one point she told me that she had only married me to shock her parents. I guess I was just thinking that dating another transgender would mean that they accepted the idea to begin with.

If you really love someone, you try to avoid hurting them. When you are either married or in a long term relationship, you give up a lot of yourself and are vulnerable. The other person, be they straight, gay, cis, knows exactly what buttons they could push to hurt you the most. I know all relationships are not like mine was, but the marriage really left meI  with a problem trusting.

If you get divorced and have a kid(s), the divorce remains in the forefront all the time. When I got out of school, I was making a good living, so my child support payments were high. By year two out of school, my health starting going down hill. My attorney kept telling me to drop the amount of child support I was paying which is based on income. I wanted my son to have money for college and have a decent life. By the time my son graduated high school, I was sending more than I was making, supplementing the difference with savings. My ex told my mother that she had meant to save it for my son's education, but there were things she wanted for herself, so she spent all of it. When I was sending the money and thinking it was being saved, I didn't mind. Finding out that it had been spent like it was blew my mind.

Sorry, didn't mean to get riled up again.

Sam1234

I am in a relationship with a cis-woman as well so I can't speak to how it may be between two trans people. I have heard anecdotally of people being in a relationship with another trans person but I think I agree with what was stated above in that it's all about compatibility. I have been with my wife 8 years (I've only been on T 14 months). There are times where my trans related anxiety or other concerns are a higher percentage of what we talk about, other times we don't talk about it at all. But I am very open and honest with her. She admits that she can't understand how it feels but she definitely tries and never minimizes what I'm going through when I have a bad day. She reassures me all the time that she sees me as the man I see myself to be. She has always considered herself straight so being with me before I was even talking transition was a bigger leap for her I think than supporting me through this process has been. But we did it together. We are opposites on the personality scale but balance each other well.
Your ex sounds like she maybe wasn't very emotionally mature period. I'm sorry she hurt you so badly and I'm sorry she took advantage of you.
I guess, long story short, I think you should date whomever you're interested in dating regardless of trans status. There are plenty of cis-women out there that are perfectly happy and supportive, just as there are plenty of trans women who would be the same.

I've dated cisgender women and transguys in the past. Since coming out and starting to transition, I've been dating another FTM. It's been an overall great experience for me. I have someone who understands my dysphoria, what testosterone does for me, my transition needs, etc. Obviously I could spend time with a cis person and explain these things to them, and if they were empathetic people they would do their best to understand. But I have someone I don't need to explain anything to and that is a huge relief for me.

Ultimately though, it really only comes up for sex related things. There is a greater understanding there than I've experienced in previous relationships. Aside from sex and the way we each relate to our bodies, our relationship is just like any other one that I've had.

I apologize if I understood you wrong, but what I got was you are a F to M and with another F to M. Is that right?  It should come down to soul to soul for the people dating or spouses etc. I remember asking my mother during transition if she were single, would she be able to accept a F to M spouse. Her answer was that if she really loved him, it wouldn't matter. That surprised me, because although my parents are not biased, they are more on the conservative side.

Sam1234

Quote from: sam1234 on February 11, 2015, 12:02:50 PM
I apologize if I understood you wrong, but what I got was you are a F to M and with another F to M. Is that right?  It should come down to soul to soul for the people dating or spouses etc. I remember asking my mother during transition if she were single, would she be able to accept a F to M spouse. Her answer was that if she really loved him, it wouldn't matter. That surprised me, because although my parents are not biased, they are more on the conservative side.

Sam1234

That is correct!

Personally I feel the same way. While I have a definite preference and trend in my romantic partners, I don't think I would really put a label on my sexuality. I don't think I could date a cisgender guy because the dysphoria would be horrible, but I'm open to anything aside from that.