Hi guys, my name is Hailey (or hope it'll soon be). I am a trans girl, who has not come out yet. I just turned 17 and my teachers are suggesting colleges. I am there thinking of taking a year gap between high school and college. I would take that time to start my transition and find a little bit more about myself. I dont know if I should do this or not, and I'm also terrified to come out to my parents. I'm pretty sure there not gonna disown me or anything plus I'm pretty sure that my mom thinks I'm gay so that'll make it easier. I've been kinda giving them clues too hahaha. For instance, in letting my hair grow, I've been shaving my legs, I've been walking more femininely etc and she hasn't said anything. My dad is in his own little world so I don't even think he has noticed, hell, he thinks that the three hours that I spend daily in the bathroom I spend them masturbating, when I'm actually dressing in my mom's clothes and pretending I'm Britney Spears hahaha. Anyways, I'm sorry I got off track. Ttransiback to the main topic, should I take a year gap to take care of myself and figure things out or should I go and transition while assisting to college ?
Sorry for the spelling errors. I'm tipping this in the middle of class..
Thanks

Only you know what's right for you.

Some thoughts:
* Many have found that it's easier to transition when you're starting anew somewhere. If you'll think you'll want to transition during college, that's a reason to do it now.
* College is stressful. The question is which will ease your stress more, having your transition behind you or not having to worry about getting used to a new gender?
* Probably a good thing to talk about with a gender therapist.

Transitioning prior to starting college would make life easier in the long run. You would avoid people who new you as a male (the gender they would see), and then hoping people would accept you after you changed. You would also have legalized your gender change and name change. At least start HRT and present yourself as a female. Surgery could be done during long breaks like during the holidays or the summer between years.

Sam1234

Do you really want to go through the college years as a guy?

Plus if you can enroll as Hailey you don't have to go back later and try to change all your records.

Hmmm...well, I stared as full time when I got to college, and it went pretty well.  College is a great place to re-invent yourself no matter what gender you identify as, and you're more likely to be able to get the support of people who are kind and accepting.  Plus, it will be easier for you to remain in the closet to your family until you're ready to come out.  If you'd like, I'd be happy to talk a bit about my own experiences and what might work for you-feel free to PM or email me. 

Do it! Do it! Do it!

The only thing holding you back is fear. Your desire to transition isn't going anywhere. You'll be glad you did.

I have read a few articles that children who transition before changing schools, such as elementary to middle, or before a new school year tend to be better off within the school and other peers. I would say go for it. People are afraid of change, and if they meet you as transitioned you, they won't have a fear of you. As a senior in college, and a officer in organizations, its hard me to do anything without anyone taking notice.

Thank you guys so much, it is extremely appreciated.
I think I might go for it !! The only thing is coming out.. How am I going to tell my parents that their boy is actually a girl... I'm scared ->-bleeped-<-less of doing so. I mean, what if I dissapoint them ? Or what if they see my differently ? Or what if they hate me ?? All these horrible thoughts are crossing my mind and I don't know what to do

If outright rejection is a real issue-caution might be a good idea.  You don't want to lose the chance to have a great future.  It might be good to start by testing the waters, and seeing how they feel about trans* stuff.  I don't know for sure, but...that helped me a lot.  No matter how they feel about trans people, this is going to be a really big deal for them; they might need some time to come around.  My family wasn't accepting at first, but they didn't kick me out, and did come around eventually.  Coming into this discussion with a clear head is important.  Once you decide when (or, if) you want to have this conversation, you should write a list of talking points, things you want to cover, and try and stick to them.  It's normal to be afraid about this, and using caution is important.  But, if they really love you, they will come around sooner or later.

Quote from: Haiiley on February 11, 2015, 06:20:50 PM
Thank you guys so much, it is extremely appreciated.
I think I might go for it !! The only thing is coming out.. How am I going to tell my parents that their boy is actually a girl... I'm scared ->-bleeped-<-less of doing so. I mean, what if I dissapoint them ? Or what if they see my differently ? Or what if they hate me ?? All these horrible thoughts are crossing my mind and I don't know what to do

I had those exact same thoughts before coming out to my folks. And while they reacted well at first, after a couple days they took me home and tried to talk me out of it... and fair enough, they were scared for me. But if they love you, as mine do, they will eventually come around. It'll take time of course, but these things always do. Just take a deep breath.

Thank you both so much, you guys helped a lot.
Christa, yeah I believe that they're going to accept me, it's just those horrible thoughts that keep crossing my mind.
Androgynouspainter26, you're also right, I should go to them with a clear head and the list thing is an excellent idea. I plan to come out to them in summer 2016, after my graduation, if they haven't found out by then. I should prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Thank you guys so much for helping me clear things up a bit.
Much love,
Hailey.