Hi all

So tomorrow i have a meeting with my HR rep to begin the process of coming out at work!! Im a little nervous and not really sure how to approach this meeting?

Should I go in with a solid plan of my own and just see what they think? Or should i be a bit more open to how they would like me to proceed and not really give them any of my own timelines.

At this point i haven't told anyone at work yet. HR seems like the logical starting point to start creating a real game plan.


Any words of advice or approaches would be great!

Michelle, I agree that you should start with HR, and also that it helps to propose a plan (or some options).

In my case, I made an appointment with HR, and then a reasonable time before the meeting, I sent the attendees an email outlining the basics of my transition and some options to consider.

Our HR folks were completely professional and extremely accommodating, even asking me if I wanted to write the email that would be sent to my co-workers. I was blown away by the level of support and goodwill...

Thanks Eveline I will be meeting with just a single person tomorrow. And they do not know yet what we will be discussing.

I think it's best to leave them with as few questions as possible. When I told my boss, we discussed:

1) Timeline - When to start hormones, when to change my name, if I had any surgeries on the horizon, etc.
2) Name change - When did I want people to refer to me as Max
3) Any leave usage - Did I know or have a rough idea of any periods of time that I would need off in advance
4) Coming out - When did I want my coworkers to know, when did I want my clients to know, etc.

I would say at a minimum, have your coming out process figured out as much as possible. Ask about any non-discrimination policies or policies for trans employees that are in place. If they don't have any, offer to assist in creating them.

Overall just be helpful and understanding. You are quite possibly the first trans person they'll have helped, and it might be very overwhelming for them.

It took HR about three months after i had come out to approach me. I had already been on HRT for five months and nobody outside my dept knew me other than female.  But i still dreaded the meeting. In the end they were extremely supportive and had me change name and update my ID 3 months prior to my official change. So you should be fine

I also planned a meeting with one HR person, and they did not know in advance.

The meeting went very well.  After I said I was transitioning, I asked if any current policies existed in HR.  And that was enough to get the conversation going.  Simple was key.  For me the HR person did not know, but was eager to find out and from there we had meetings every few weeks, where the HR person would report back and then I had ask couple of more questions.  It gave me and the HR person a strong rapport with each other.

Thanks all for feedback. I'm going to let them know that my time line is roughly a year to a year and half before I want to start really presenting as female at work. I figure that this will will give a good amount of time on HRT, get my legal documents in order and also leave some room for FFS should I decide on it.

With my time line is it too early to tell HR you think.?

I think it very hurts to start the conversation early.  For me it will be 9 months from first HR contact to presenting female at work.

Quote from: michelle82 on February 12, 2015, 08:45:12 PM
Thanks all for feedback. I'm going to let them know that my time line is roughly a year to a year and half before I want to start really presenting as female at work. I figure that this will will give a good amount of time on HRT, get my legal documents in order and also leave some room for FFS should I decide on it.

With my time line is it too early to tell HR you think.?

It sounds reasonable. I don't know if you've started HRT yet or not, but results based on time do vary. So you may hit your target earlier, right on, or later than expected.  Good luck with your journey, and i hope your meeting goes well tomorrow.

Frost pixie , I start HRT in about a month. So I want to have at least a year on it and then determine if I want FFS.

I just made the HR call today at my own job. People hired for HR seem to be very polite, understanding sorts. Definitely want them on your side. Good luck!

Good luck Viking!!

I just had my meeting and it went great!! My HR rep has had previous experience with trans people and totally is excited for me and has my back! My rep said whenever im ready to let my managers and coworkers know she will be there to help if i need. Ultimately they are leaving me in control of when to break the news.

Even though nothing really changes now its just nice to get that weight off my shoulders knowing that I've started the process.

Yay! Happy all went well for you 

thx FrostPixie!! it was much easier than i thought it would be!

I am so happy for you! I have an appointment in a month to start HRT and I have not told anyone. Should I see HR prior to starting or do you all think it is safe to start and then come out?

Hi y'all

@Michelle.  This is great news, so we're all very pleased.  It's also rather gratifying that your HR person actually knows something about dealing with trans people - I've had to educate HR, but they've been very supportive throughout..

@Davida - in my opinion there is no reason to speak to HR even once you have started HRT.  It becomes relevant to involve HR when your body and face begin to change in ways that might make people notice, or when you are ready to make changes to how you present at work.

xxx
Julia

A bit late but my discussion was along the line of, "what is your policy on transgender employees" and I explained that I was transitioning.

That was it.

Specific dates will be given closer to the switch. That is really all.

No big deal, they are a fortune 500 company and have a strong diversity and non discrimination policy. I have been there for about 8 years now.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 13, 2015, 03:54:35 PM


@Davida - in my opinion there is no reason to speak to HR even once you have started HRT.  It becomes relevant to involve HR when your body and face begin to change in ways that might make people notice, or when you are ready to make changes to how you present at work.

Thank you for that advice, as I was still trying to ponder through how and when to talk to my employer.

Quote from: Julia-Madrid on February 13, 2015, 03:54:35 PM
Hi y'all

@Michelle.  This is great news, so we're all very pleased.  It's also rather gratifying that your HR person actually knows something about dealing with trans people - I've had to educate HR, but they've been very supportive throughout..

@Davida - in my opinion there is no reason to speak to HR even once you have started HRT.  It becomes relevant to involve HR when your body and face begin to change in ways that might make people notice, or when you are ready to make changes to how you present at work.

xxx
Julia

Thanks Julia and based on my conversation with my HR person, i also agree that telling them this early wasn't really NEEDED, but it was really for my sanity to start getting the ball rolling. It was also just the peace of mind that they would have my back. Atleast now I can meet again in the future as I start to progress a bit more, and they will already know my situation.

The nice part is I can still take things at my own pace, and have a sounding board to go to as I get closer and closer to full transition.