Hi J,
Yes that does make sense.
It's starting to become more and more imperative.
I've been fighting these feelings for over a decade.
Now with therapy the feelings have gotten much worse.
I did even have a small breakdown over it a few days ago.
It's more of a case of denial at this point.

And I am tired of hiding this, I've gotten so good at it and am just tired.
Tried the whole masculine thing, was a frat boy, got exhausting and was never happy.
Tried to work myself to the bone, set myself on a very high level career, I love it but there is still something missing.
Dated many extremely attractive women. Was never happy.
I'm just at that point.
I'm tired of delaying.

Personally for me is was about my sanity. I felt I had been living a lie for 30 years and keeping a secret that was eating me up inside. I had used alcohol to mask the pain I was feeling and was on a short leash with life. I finally woke up one morning a decided I was tired of living that way. I came out to a few friends and over time I've came out to the rest

Just knowing I am a much better woman than a man that's just existing and counting the days for the end or finding another addiction to block out the pain of living as a male .so I guess it's transition or death

What caused me to transition?  A very stressful experience at work, going through sequestration, caused me to reconsider who I really was.  I returned to cross-dressing.  I then return to questioning myself on why I want to do this, and the answer was clear.  I'm really female, it's just some of parts on the outside are male.  I'm striping away anything that's an excuse to me transitioning.  I have to be female, on the outside as well.  I've bottled up a big part of who I am, just to please society, my family, and even my wife.  I just can't do that any more. 

I have a MS in Mechanical/Aerospace from the University of California.  Did you know that SWE includes transgender MtF engineers as well?

-Alana

*trigger warning* It wasn't my proudest moment in my life but it was a gun against my head that helped me make up my mind about why I had to transition.

Quote from: Megumi on February 15, 2015, 05:34:56 PM
*trigger warning* It wasn't my proudest moment in my life but it was a gun against my head that helped me make up my mind about why I had to transition.

I can relate to this the cross roads is a horrible place, I for what it is worth am glad you made a choice to live to many poor individuals are lost each year at that very moment

Quote from: kao on February 15, 2015, 05:38:40 PM
I can relate to this the cross roads is a horrible place, I for what it is worth am glad you made a choice to live to many poor individuals are lost each year at that very moment

I'm glad I made it past that moment too. My life while it has been very difficult from dealing with transitioning and the social effects of everything around that and with living in the south has still been an infinity times better than it ever was then I wasn't living authentically. I'm happy, I'm me now 24/7, things are getting better and better for me and I am glad that I did chose to live by putting one foot in front of the other to start moving forward in life.

Time - it was running out, and the guilt of not having transitioned and the thought of being condemned to live a miserable life.

The day I finally decided to come out us transgender and move forward with transitioning,  I had been in a very dysphoric state. I knew I wasn't a "man", and even if ppl did see me that way, I didnt feel that way. I have failed to disguise my true self to the point where every day people were questioning my sexuality and stuff.
I realized that if I was ever to be happy I had to live an honest life. But, before I could be honest with other people, I have to be honest with myself.

Sent from my mobile device

For me, it was watching my uncle slowly drink himself to death. He hated himself so much (and we still don't know why,) but instead of getting help or ending his life quickly, he spent the last 10-12 years alienating the family and making it as difficult as possible to be around him.

And I could sense that same level of self-hate in me, but I also could never imagine offing myself. I just got so damn tired of swinging between being 'OK' with my body, and then so disgusted by it that I would avoid showering or anything else that would require uncovering. What had always stopped me before was thinking about every detail of transition, how it seemed like this impossible (and expensive) task.

Then I found out that I actually did have access to therapy and HRT, which I considered the biggest initial step. So I had a choice - chase a possibility at happiness, or continue down the road my uncle took.

So here I am! It's definitely hard at times (not to mention a lot of awkwardness,) but I am already SO much happier than I was even a year ago.

I got tired of others telling me who and what I was since it was inconsistent with my feelings since age 7. The constant threat of punishment or sanctions for non compliance by others forcing me to live their idea's of normal helped a lot with my decision. I lost a lot, but what I gained was me, the real me and a huge sense of relief and purpose. Money just can't buy that! 

For me it just happened to be a bunch of things coming together at once. When I presued this in the past I have never experienced a relationship and wanted kids. I thought I would be happy. After experiencing relationships and working with kids and coming to peace with both of those, I decided to finally presue my transition realizing that what I was trying to do would and was not making me happy. I am more experienced now with life and am more stable, so everything seemed to come together.

Quote from: frankie88 on February 11, 2015, 11:43:36 PM
Hello All,
So i'm very new to all of this and am still very hesitant.
I have been seeing a gender therapist for a while and am mostly sure that i am transgendered.
A little about me... im currently 26 and in the engineering industry and also working on a graduate degree at the same time(so im very hesitant about the whole transition thing just based on work)
I grew up in a very repressive old school household, my mom is from Germany and has always been very over bearing.
However my whole life i have always felt out of place with my body.
Some of my earlier memories(maybe 4-5yrs old) were my brother and i finding my moms old bathing suits from when she was younger, we tried them on and he got bored after 2 minutes... i wore it most of the day because i honestly felt more comfortable in it, that was until my mom had to take it away.
It has progressed most of my life where i closeted "Cross Dressed" including being caught by my parents about 10 times.
Each time they tried to tell me how bad what i was doing etc.
Anywho, i think i'm finally about ready to admit to myself that i'm actually transgendered and that i would like to transition.

What finally pushed you over the edge and made you decide that you were transgendered and that you needed to transition?

It took quite a bit of therapy but then one day it dawned on me. I was living a life that was constructed to make everyone around me happy, but I was never happy. As long as I was the person they expected everything was great. The problem is I slowly turned into a hollowed hulk of a person. Then one day in 1999 I hit a point where I could no longer function. I was unable to work, my home life was turning into a disaster. I didn't want friends, family or social functions. I was withdrawing into myself.

I've often heard the phrase that a transition "is the last act of a desperate person". When the pain of doing nothing is greater than the pain of doing something then I knew what I had to do. When I finally worked up the courage to face my problem head on that's when I began to heal and I feel the weight coming off of me. Every time I took a step it was like walking into the sunlight a little more. When I finally went full time, I was free. Nothing in the world would talk me down from my new happy place. When I had my srs surgery I was changed yet again.

I went through the same things as you. I was crossdressing when I was a kid. Every halloween I wanted to be a girl for a day. When I became a teen I became bolder and bolder wanting to be out and have people know that I was a girl. I honestly didn't know why I was that way, and I could hear from my parents was that I was some kind of pervert. I was caught so many times it's not even funny.

But I want to point out, you need to know what you are getting yourself into. As long as you have a plan or at least some general guidelines of what you want and how you want to get there, and understand the personal and monetary costs of it, then you will be fine. It can be a life affirming change for the better or it could be a living hell. Juts understand that it's not therapists that control the situation, you do.