For those of you in a position where you might be in a nursing home eventually, do you ever worry about how you will be treated? Sometimes I worry that if I were no longer able to care for myself, staff might understand hygiene issues (cleaning the inside of the phallus as its not hooked up), or not paying attention to my testosterone.

That may sound like a ridiculous worry, but not all medical people understand our anatomy or emotional needs. About 12 years ago, I was in the hospital and needed to be catheterized (urinary). I told the nurse that I was a transgender, but that my urinary system and urethra were still that of a female. She kept trying to put the catheter into my penis. I kept telling her to just cath me as if I were a female. It was like she just didn't get it. I wound up literally cathing myself for her. Had I been unable to talk, it would have been a problem.

Sam1234

I worry about this all the time.I worry so much about it that I might get a meta when feasible just not to have to worry about it anymore.

Luckily, the education of medical providers seems to be on the first fronts undertaken by transgender activists. One solution is to move to a LGBT friendly area, but even then it is a crap shoot when you are unconscious with a paramedic can't handle the situation. 

It is too bad that a medical tag like one of those people with really bad drug allergies wear with a brief synopsis would essentially just be us branding ourselves as trans.

Yes, I worry about that -- the social aspects as well as the medical ones. It's scary stuff, especially when one considers how much abuse there is of nursing home residents in general.

QuoteAbout 12 years ago, I was in the hospital and needed to be catheterized (urinary). I told the nurse that I was a transgender, but that my urinary system and urethra were still that of a female. She kept trying to put the catheter into my penis. I kept telling her to just cath me as if I were a female. It was like she just didn't get it. I wound up literally cathing myself for her. Had I been unable to talk, it would have been a problem.

Cripes, that is just -- inexcusable. I'd like to think that some progress has been made since then, but one does hear horror stories.

SAGE is a great organization which helps and avocates for LGBT elders; they operate the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging, which is working to educate caregivers and provide resources to folks who need them, and they have some excellent material on these issues.

Unfortunately, really good places are expensive. I'd like to think that Dr.s and Nurses are starting to learn more, but there are so many that haven't the foggiest. When I first moved here to this state, I wanted an endocrinologist that was quite a ways from the town I live in. The Dr. was fine, but one nurse I wanted to strangle. Every time I went in for a level check, she would come in the room and start asking personal questions preceded by "I'm just curious".
The two that made me seek someone else were "can you ejaculate like a normal guy?", and "do you get orgasms?". She wasn't on my case and had no business asking. I can look back at it and laugh now, but back then......

Sam1234

I think there is a LGBTQ specific nursing home in Vancouver, BC. I expect more and more will start to appear as people begin to advocate more for that.

I think more people also need to advocate for end-of-life choices surrounding the right to legal assisted suicide regardless of whether they are cis or trans*. I don't want to whither away for years if my health goes down the toilet. It's horrible seeing my mother with dementia and knowing it would be worse for me if that happens to me. I would rather choose a clean exit before my mind goes.

Quote from: genderirrelevant on February 11, 2015, 01:58:30 PMI think more people also need to advocate for end-of-life choices surrounding the right to legal assisted suicide regardless of whether they are cis or trans*. I don't want to whither away for years if my health goes down the toilet. It's horrible seeing my mother with dementia and knowing it would be worse for me if that happens to me. I would rather choose a clean exit before my mind goes.

Agreed!  My first thought when I started reading this thread (and anytime someone talks about living into their 70s/80s or beyond) was "That won't need to happen to me."  I don't want to be living so long that someone else has to take care of me like that.  I am a HUGE proponent of doctor-assisted suicide - I watched my mother die slowly and painfully from cancer while I was growing up, and then my dad  just lost his battle with cancer.  (I am still in my 20s - my parents were both relatively young when they died).  I can't fathom making it to an age where I would be in a retirement home having someone care for me.  I'd rather go out on my own terms.

That being said, I do worry about getting sick (namely cancer, since my genes are its breeding ground) and doctors refusing to prescribe T anymore because of it.  Or getting physically injured in a way that I couldn't administer my own T shots anymore.  Or even just getting in an accident and having paramedics refuse to treat me when they see a weird hybrid body they don't understand and are therefore afraid to treat (there are stories of this happening to trans people, especially in less-populated areas where the medical training hasn't started addressing trans identities).

First, I think EVERYBODY needs to worry about how they may be treated...  There are great, caring people in the world who have compassion for the sick and elderly and will attend to them with care, AND there are many more who are uncaring, abusive, negligent, and deceitful.   Transgender folk have additional concerns on top of our other humanitarian concerns, which is unfortunate.  Personally, I hold out hope that a cardiac event takes me fast and furious...

Quote from: ridleyswI can't fathom making it to an age where I would be in a retirement home having someone care for me.  I'd rather go out on my own terms.

You may feel differently when you get there. It's easy to feel that way when you're young and looking at the quality of life of many old people, but we often compromise those beliefs as we get older. My mother swore up and down that she'd kill herself before she'd end up in a retirement home, and she had the means to do it. However, when push came to shove as her health declined, she was willing to put up with more and more infirmity in exchange for -- staying alive.

Not saying one way is better than another, but it seems that no matter how old people are, life usually continues to be precious.

That is absolutely on the forefront of my mind, second to that is what will happen after I die (especially this because I trust my mother 0% to handle anything the correct way and I might be dead but I still deserve dignity and respect).  I've talked about this with my brother in great deal, because he is local to me.  I also plan to talk to my sister about it.  I expect my brother and sister will have children so that will help if I do need care, family may be willing to help care for me.  My sister is going to nursing school so I see that as a plus as she will be able to advocate for me as someone who knows the medical field.  What I've done in regards to my after death plans is made my brother the primary beneficiary on my insurance, so he will get all of my life insurance plan.  If my mother can't get her hands on my money, she has no way to make plans for my body after my death.  I want to be cremated, primarily because I think common burial methods are extremely wasteful.  It's morbid, but the older I get the more I think about plans for my and other's deaths because I want to be prepared. 

Yes, this worries me greatly, to the point where it is a big factor in my deciding whether or not to go full transition. I am closer to the end than the beginning or even middle and I wonder about my number of years before being subjected to what ever an elder care facility would offer. My concern stems not from the Drs and nurses who I presume will be at least somewhat educated, (hopefully), but for the staff that actually would handle my body. Typically from what I've seen it is a very low paying job nobody would want and therefore falls to the hands of people who may not be educated or may come from a different culture.

I am the end of the line for my family and have no siblings, children, or relatives. I am watching my folks at the end of their lives now. In their 80's, my father is in horrible pain and has about everything wrong that can happen in one body. If he were a dog I'd let him go out of pity. That probably sounds cruel but we only have a cursory relationship. I think for myself that I would just end it on my own when the time comes or I am close to losing the capability to do so; and then I look at my father. The survival instinct must be strong indeed because he has not asked to be let go yet.

I am hoping there are enough LGBT nursing facilities available when it's my time to need assistance, but as I say, this is a big thinking point for me.

Everyone eventually has to think of what is going to happen to them when they can no longer care for themselves. For us though, that worry extends beyond the norm. Medicine has come a long way, but there are still so many medical personel who either don't know or are biased against transgenders.

If you have managed to save and invest well for retirement, your chances are better, but that isn't always the case. Those of us who have nothing stand a good chance of winding up in an understaffed, urine smelling hell with little regard to patient care. Because our anatomy is not the norm, we stand a greater chance of infection and inferior care.

I've had to go to the hospital twice via an ambulance, and told the paramedics both times that I was a transgender in case there was a need for a urinary catheter. Both times I just got an "uh huh", like I didn't know what I was saying.
Are there any retirement facilities that are deal with transgenders on a regular basis?

sam1234

I definitely worry about that, even if it is a long ways off for myself.
Which is one reason why I want to keep an eye on LGBT nursing homes, and hopefully when I get older move closer to one, and then have a legal clause stating if I become unable to care for myself and need to be put into a long term facility, I desire to be put in X facility.
Because I can't trust that I would be put somewhere good for myself otherwise, you know?
Nursing homes have come a LONG way in terms of staffing requirements and training across the US, but there's still such a huge landslide between where they're at, and where they really should be.

I do know as Tysillio has stated, there's some organizations attempting to help people climb this landslide at all costs. I just hope there's things we can do to speed up this process, and through awareness create safe environments in the medical industry for us, and our needs.