So,
I know most my posts are very positive but wanted to share this.... not all negative but UGH!!
As many of you know I have transitioned and full time now.. and all has been so wonderful.  I still get nervous even though I pass like 100%..
Well we had a Birthday party for one of the Grand Kids. 
My daughter invited our adopted Grand Parents for the kids we met in church years ago.. both my wife and I lost our parents when we were young. They were always so wonderful but very religious and penticostal conservatives.
Anyway when my wife left me at our deep lowest moment of our lives.. when I almost ended it all .. this lady told me I just need to be the man god meant for me to be and he does not make mistakes.
Well, I had not seen her since even before that phone conversation until yesterday.
My wife did my hair.. I did all my makeup thank you and I can do it now.. yea!! Hair is a different story.. My wife has had long hair all her life so she really helps me so much.
Anyway, I looked absolutely fabulous and was so relaxed and excited to see everyone.. but thats when the elephants walked into the room.. Pat and Darell.
My wife introduces me as Dodie and I am sitting and my wife said isn't she beautiful.. and Pat says.. well I don't know what to say...
As I have always done I got up to say hi and give her a hug and she kind of pulled away.
So that set the tone for the afternoon...
I have said that the haters do not matter.. but that does not mean they do not have an affect on me.  They made me feel uncomfortable at a time when I am just going full time.  When my wife had a talk with them, she told them we were as close as before this happened but in a different way and are together all the time and love love love each other.
She also told her that my daughter and I have never been closer.
I found out later that Pat was shocked that the kids ever let them grand kids see me.
Its as if she thinks the family should have disowned me and gone on.
That is what amazes me and what is wrong with most organized religions.  They judge but say they are not judging.. and that only god judges you.
As they left, I did not get up to say goodby.. but Pat looked over and said by by and I just said by....see you..
Darell came over and said they pray for us every night..  I like a dummy said thanks.. I should have said thanks my wife and I have never been closer and I am so happy now.. but I just said thanks,
Anyway, my daughter said she would never invite them to anything again and that they are now outside the circle of trust..
You see, my daughter is a better person having dealt with this over the last year.. she has found peace and loves who I really am and truly thinks I am a woman,.
Same with my wife.. so there it is the good the bad and the ugly.
Its fortunate for the world that dinosaurs like Pat and Darell wont be around forever and that a younger more caring loving generation seems to be growing.
America has come a long way since slavery... just think women could not even vote not long ago.....  I like how America is changing for the better in many ways. I just hope that I can do something in my lifetime to help make the change and I plan  to more now than ever.
Love you all
Dodie

Hi Dodie,

I wouldn't blame religion solely.
My Godmother is ultra-religious and just said she felt sorry.
My mom, atheist like me even I was baptized for the sake of tradition, still considers me as a freak.
My mom outed me to her with the hope to have an ally but that failed...
I think bias comes in many forms and shapes.

Sonia

Thanks and so true Sonia,
Its just that the only folks in my life that I have lost happen to be so called christians.
It just seems some use it as a way to hurt.
Mostly, it comes from ignorance or an ugly heart...
I feel for people who can not be real, love for loves sake..
Love
Dodie

Next time they will be wearing garlic wreaths 

Hi Dodie,

I am sorry that happened to you. I wish they accepted and loved you just like your family. I wish they saw how happy you are and were happy for you.

Haters can not hide; they show who they are. I have no time for a hater; you just can not reason with them.

Quote from: Cindy on February 16, 2015, 05:19:53 PM
Next time they will be wearing garlic wreaths 

Cindy......LOL made me laugh!! Thank you.

Cynthia, great attitude to have and yes you are right... you can not reason with ignorance.   

I am doing fine.. it did bother me.. but I had to take some of my own advise.. I am very happy.. and they will never know the true love I feel from the family and supporters I have found.
Love you girls
Dodie

Maybe some people cant bear others to be happy and themselves.  Is so mean and hurtful to treat you like a leper - like you are contagious or something.

Just one questions about your story,  your wife came back to you after you nearly ended it all?

Anyway is fantastic you have a family that loves you for who you are.  At least you know those other people aren't the sort of people you want to be friends with anymore!

Quote from: BeingSonia on February 16, 2015, 04:37:05 PM
Hi Dodie,

I wouldn't blame religion solely.
My Godmother is ultra-religious and just said she felt sorry.
My mom, atheist like me even I was baptized for the sake of tradition, still considers me as a freak.
My mom outed me to her with the hope to have an ally but that failed...
I think bias comes in many forms and shapes.

Sonia

I think parents need a bit of an adjustment period for them to grieve the loss of who they perceived you to be first, before they can be accepting.  They tend to have hopes and expectations for you that border on living vicariously through you, and don't want to see you setting yourself up for experiencing bigotry and disappointment.  People who don't know much about trans issues, or know transpeople, tend to have a much less optimistic point of view about what it is to be trans.  Remember that many people's exposure to transpeople is limited to Jerry Springer and the news, sideshows and tragedies.  Also parents don't want to feel like you or anyone else judge them for being bad parents.

I think the second most poignant aspect is that many people feel like they were lied to.  Either you were actively hiding yourself from them, or they just never really knew you, in their mind.  It is a kind of betrayal that they can often personalize even though it has nothing to do with them.  While I have trouble with the veracity of this claim, it is true that the people I care about never really met the authentic me before I came out because I was too afraid of exposing my GID and branding myself permanently.

I do like the mentioning of the circle of trust. It's important to trust people in measures and only bring in reliable people to your most intimate levels of trust.  There are other levels of trust before distrust however.

I oftentimes try to emphasize optimism, and understanding, especially with those who you care about that are uncomfortable with trans issues.  The reason is two things: it wouldn't bother you unless they were worth it, and if you can't approach someone you care a great deal about how can you approach anyone you care less about?  There are people who can't be convinced, and you need to cut them out of your life as soon as possible.  But don't give up on people with whom you have shared mutual care and respect, just give them space and stay strong.  If they see that you are confident and happy as you are after coming out, they will begin to see the things they liked about you in the first place and may enjoy getting to know you better than they had before.

But, you never know.  The most important thing is to talk to them.  If you can't openly talk about your feelings and opinions regarding your transition, how can you expect anyone else to?  I feel like I'm always saying this; but don't give up.  People will surprise you, for good or ill.

  Hugs,
- Katie

p.s. I'm glad it was difficult for my mom to get used to using female pronouns with me, as it wasn't due to maliciousness on her part.  She knew it bothered me and would always correct herself (which also made me cringe).  After spending time with her while presenting fully and opening up to her a lot more, she was able to get to know me as a girl.  And she is much better about gendering me correctly now.  If it weren't for her desentization, I would still want to crawl in a hole and die whenever I was misgendered in public by strangers.  Even though it happens much less frequently, it still happens, only I don't have panic attacks anymore when it does.

Quote from: Joanne Feliz on February 17, 2015, 04:51:43 AM
Maybe some people cant bear others to be happy and themselves.  Is so mean and hurtful to treat you like a leper - like you are contagious or something.

Just one questions about your story,  your wife came back to you after you nearly ended it all?

Anyway is fantastic you have a family that loves you for who you are.  At least you know those other people aren't the sort of people you want to be friends with anymore!

Hi Joanne,
Well my wife and I work together and are best friends.. more like family.. but we are divorcing.. she likes men and well I do to I think?? That is after GRS.. I am one that has moved to the other gender orientation..
So anyway.. I am over it now.. hormones are so amazing... I am so much more emotional now.. HRT is like going through puberty again and all these things just mold us into our true selves.. we learn as we go.
Dodie

Quote from: Obfuskatie on February 17, 2015, 05:42:18 AM
I think parents need a bit of an adjustment period for them to grieve the loss of who they perceived you to be first, before they can be accepting.  They tend to have hopes and expectations for you that border on living vicariously through you, and don't want to see you setting yourself up for experiencing bigotry and disappointment.  People who don't know much about trans issues, or know transpeople, tend to have a much less optimistic point of view about what it is to be trans.  Remember that many people's exposure to transpeople is limited to Jerry Springer and the news, sideshows and tragedies.  Also parents don't want to feel like you or anyone else judge them for being bad parents.

I think the second most poignant aspect is that many people feel like they were lied to.  Either you were actively hiding yourself from them, or they just never really knew you, in their mind.  It is a kind of betrayal that they can often personalize even though it has nothing to do with them.  While I have trouble with the veracity of this claim, it is true that the people I care about never really met the authentic me before I came out because I was too afraid of exposing my GID and branding myself permanently.

I do like the mentioning of the circle of trust. It's important to trust people in measures and only bring in reliable people to your most intimate levels of trust.  There are other levels of trust before distrust however.

I oftentimes try to emphasize optimism, and understanding, especially with those who you care about that are uncomfortable with trans issues.  The reason is two things: it wouldn't bother you unless they were worth it, and if you can't approach someone you care a great deal about how can you approach anyone you care less about?  There are people who can't be convinced, and you need to cut them out of your life as soon as possible.  But don't give up on people with whom you have shared mutual care and respect, just give them space and stay strong.  If they see that you are confident and happy as you are after coming out, they will begin to see the things they liked about you in the first place and may enjoy getting to know you better than they had before.

But, you never know.  The most important thing is to talk to them.  If you can't openly talk about your feelings and opinions regarding your transition, how can you expect anyone else to?  I feel like I'm always saying this; but don't give up.  People will surprise you, for good or ill.

  Hugs,
- Katie

p.s. I'm glad it was difficult for my mom to get used to using female pronouns with me, as it wasn't due to maliciousness on her part.  She knew it bothered me and would always correct herself (which also made me cringe).  After spending time with her while presenting fully and opening up to her a lot more, she was able to get to know me as a girl.  And she is much better about gendering me correctly now.  If it weren't for her desentization, I would still want to crawl in a hole and die whenever I was misgendered in public by strangers.  Even though it happens much less frequently, it still happens, only I don't have panic attacks anymore when it does.

Hi Katie thanks so much for your thoughtful post.  I agree we need to be patient with others.. sometimes its hard not to be sensitive but as you know transition is hard.. and going full time takes so much courage.  Even though I pass I still get nervous and no matter how many times someone tells me I am beautiful I still doubt myself. So I suppose that comes with growing up again going through the HRT puberty thing.. I do tend to get immature and emotional like a 14 year old.......maybe one day I will grow up LOL.. maybe?
The folks that I mentioned in original post are too involved in the religious aspect of belief to ever ever come around.  Its sad but its their generation too..
Lucky for all of us that the world is improving in many areas of human rights. 
I feel fortunate to be trans in one way because it has made me so compassionate toward others who don't fit into a certain mold..  Reminds me of the song by Fleetwood Mac.. Peacekeeper.. google it and listen to it sometime..
Anyway love ya and thanks again for the post.
Dodie

Hi Dodie,

I'm sorry you had to experience haters like this. I feel so sorry for them. They've been blinded into believing in a believe system that's flawed. They are thought what's right and wrong without getting the true meaning of the bible. It teaches love and acceptance not hate. When they say they are going to pray for me I tell them no I'm going to pray for you. Pray that you see the light and find the true meaning of god. God is in the heart not the head. Faith is in the heart! I try to show them the understanding and acceptance that the Bible teaches. The funny thing is every time I have done this they always start back peddling.

You sound like you have a great attitude and I'm very happy for you and your wife. May the Angels always look upon you and help guide you on your journey!

Love,
Melissa Ann

TY and NP[emoji4]
I don't want to pull out my soapbox, but there isn't anything in the bible against being transgender.  At the time it was written, there wasn't any understanding of it or treating it.  So there!  [emoji36] Jesus really only condemned charlatans and hypocrites anyway.  So, praying for intolerant people with hypocritical beliefs isn't such a bad idea... if you pray.
Not that the religiousy peeps will stand around and debate their faith...[emoji53]

     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You know, I always take comfort in the fact that if what they say about god is true, and god made me the way he wanted me, then he made me trans.
He made me trans in a day and age where I could transition medically, and find happiness along the way, while furthering exposure even if only in my small group.

The last time I had someone tell me that, that's what I responded with. It shut them up pretty quickly, and I happily got back to what I was doing. 

All in all though, you're right. The newer generation is much more accepting and understanding, and as time goes on it's their children who will learn their type of love and acceptance, and someday the world will hopefully be a place of love and understanding.

It isn't all religion. See the Not All Like That project for good Christians who accept LGBT people.

But there is a virulent and large strain of several tens of millions of people who hold these extremist and potentially violent views and who have openly called for killing LGBT people. (If we want references I can provide a boatload since I collect such extremist statements.)

These people exist, they are dangerous to modern societies, and they need to be minimized in terms of their political influence. This is exactly how the German people went down that same path. Those people wore suits and ties, spoke politely to others with whom they had no issue, but when it came to their chosen scapegoats, they were ruthless. When we see the actual statements of some of these "leaders" of the radical religious right wing, we know what they are telling their followers and what they would do if they thought they could get away with it.

Dodie, you are right to feel uncomfortable with these people. I am so glad your daughter and wife are on your side.

Hi Liz,
My wife wants to write her a letter.  You see, my wife and I have a love that can not be destroyed even with what we have gone through in the last year. We have a love for each other that is hard to explain.. we want to always protect each other..for the rest of our lives and will always be best friends.. soul mates.
My wife totally gets it.. and as hard as its been she is now glad the truth is out and that I can live as the true me.. She did not want to lose the male me and we both miss him.
But wow am I happy today..
People like Pat and Darell do not know unconditional love like I am blessed with ... I found out who loves me.. truly loves me and that is such a blessing.
I do believe in a higher power and will never pretend to understand exactly how that higher power works.. I just know that loving people.. our world and not wanting to hurt others is what I believe God is.. Pure love. 
I do believe if God made me this way it was for a purpose and honestly at this point in my life I am happy that I was born this way.. It challenged me to be a better person and once I accepted it.. wow, what a moment to finally admit what I always knew and be who I am.. its thrilling, scary, exciting and sad .. all the emotions at one time.
I have never hurt others and always wanted others to feel good about themselves.. so when someone is not that way toward me.. well I just feel sorry for them.
I do have a very powerful personality.. even as a chick.. in fact once I get my feet on solid ground look out world.
I am so thankful to have freedom and really love that our paths are not determined by polital groups run by religion like they are in other countries.. thankfully we have separation of church and state....
Dodie
Loving life.. but not looking forward to tomorrow getting beard full clearing in Dallas.. OUCHY

Good luck with the clearing!  I've found that taking Advil before, as well as the numbing cream helps keep the swelling down after my electrolysis sessions.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk